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Original poster

Horrendous foot in mouth scenarios

99 replies

KatnissMellark · 26/05/2019 18:17

Lovely kind nurse chatting to me prior to my discharge following some gynae surgery as a result of multiple IVF complications: on hearing I've only got one DC 'oh that's lucky, having two is a nightmare...blah blah blah', me 'not really lucky, that's why I'm here.. we've had seven IVFs, two miscarriages and a lost twin and I've just been operated on to sort some complications'. Felt a bit bad correcting her but she did know I'd just had pelvic surgery by a consultant specialising in infertility it doesn't really phase me after so many years of dealing with comments like this- people are really just making conversation/trying to 'help'/slightly misguided but I think this one was the worst (because of the context!). I wasn't upset but she was pretty mortified I think.

Anyone got any corkers?

OP posts:

DuggeesWoggle · 26/05/2019 21:25

I worked for a few years at an environmental charity. My boss once sent an article round via email about how cremation was incredibly bad for the environment. I politely reminded him that I was due to be going to my grandad's funeral in a few days' time...at the crematorium. He was infinitely more mortified than I was. Weirdly I saw the funny side!

patientzero · 26/05/2019 21:32

Noticed a new colleague’s name had changed on her emails. Asked if she had any good news to share. No, she was getting divorced. I was so apologetic and thankfully she didn’t hate me for it.

FurrySlipperBoots · 26/05/2019 21:34

Not too bad compared to some of these, but I asked a mum I went to babysit for if the baby was her first. That was just a stupid slip of the tongue that made me feel like a doofus, as obviously if she had more I'd have been babysitting them too! But since I've worried in case she'd lost a baby or anything previously.

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Sarahlou63 · 26/05/2019 21:37

New riding instructor told me to stick my chest out - I said 'you mean my tits?' I didn't know she'd had a double mastectomy...

NoParticularPattern · 26/05/2019 21:40

When we told MIL that I’d had a miscarriage she replied with “oh well that’s a relief” what she actually meant was “oh well that’s a relief that it’s not all those other gazillions of much worse scenarios that I’ve played out in my head....” but apparently her brain didn’t engage fully, or at all...

kidsmakesomuchwashing · 26/05/2019 21:57

i breastfed my first child for a year. Last year I had an elective mastectomy for Brca gene. I've just given birth to my second child. When I was pregnant A bloke I work with took it upon himself to begin telling the whole meeting how good breastfeeding is. Only me and my manager knew about my op. I just said "oh I can't breastfeed", but he persisted with "do you know that only 1% of women actually have a medical inability to breastfeed, I know some people who could support you". Again I said "breastfeeding isn't for me". My manager by this time had her head in her hands, but he still pushed it further and said "breast will definitely be best for your baby". I finally said "yes you keep saying that, but I am actually that 1% of people who medically cannot breastfeed, I chose to have my breasts removed last year to stop me from getting genetic breast cancer, now stop making me feel guilty for not breast feeding my baby as I have no choice". His face was a picture!

Fantasisa · 26/05/2019 21:57

I casually remarked to a woman behind the reception of a new spa I was visiting with a friend as her guest that they need to make it the same height as our area and not a step down. It was the same height - she was a dwarf. I wanted the ground to swallow me up.

Willowkoko · 26/05/2019 22:08

During a conversation with a group of new mums in my DD reception, one mum commented that another mums daughter had gorgeous red hair, she continued on to say, girls look good with red hair but boys do not.

The woman replied, that her husband and son were redheads also. The mum apologised and we all stood in silence til the bell rang.

DollyTots · 26/05/2019 22:09

I'll always remember the time when we had a family holiday to center parcs & my dad had to use an electric scooter to get round (he's had severe osteo & rheumatoid arthritis since he was a child) me and my mum walking slightly behind my dad and a man in front says loudly to his little girl 'look Sophie, now that's what you call lazy' unbeknownst to him my mum quickly piped up behind him 'no Sophie, that's what you call disabled.' We laughed and carried on walking

GoodBoyGhost · 26/05/2019 22:12

@Dolly your mum is a legend!

Curlyshabtree · 26/05/2019 22:34

This story was once told to me.
To the widow several months after her husband’s death an acquaintance asks “how is your husband, is he still dead?”

Hadenoughofitall441 · 26/05/2019 22:38

One of my parents friends had a son, her Mum brought him up, so we were on holiday with him and I mentioned his Mum (who wasn’t with us) and he said ‘ oh no isn’t my mum, shes my sister’ I was like oh okay sorry my bad.... I still don’t know if he knows now, I just keep my mouth shut when I’m around him. 😩

TanselleTooTall · 26/05/2019 22:39

Why why why would you assume and then vocalise a person in a mobility scooter is LAZY??!! Beggers belief.

ThePixieQueen · 26/05/2019 23:12

DH works for a small family company, and is often kindly included by his boss on family occasions. I met one of the daughters own SIL at a family wedding, and when she mentioned she was finishing her job in two months, commented “Maternity leave?” As I’d noticed her rounded low protruding stomach. To which she just replied no.
The following day I was talking to the boss’ daughter and she asked if my employer is hiring as her SIL is looking. I said possibly not for another five months, and it might be tricky then as her SIL would be on maternity leave. You can see where this story is going... Thankfully the boss himself and other family have also made the same mistake.

Years ago I went out for a few drinks with a good friend from college days, and stayed the night in her bed. The next morning her daughter jumps into bed for cuddles, and says to her mum, “You’ve got a squishy belly because you grew me in your tummy”. Awww. She then says to me “You’ve got a big squishy belly too... it’s bigger than mummy’s. Do you have twins? There’s twins in my class”. I have a big squishy belly, but I’m just fat and childless.

Nameisthegame · 26/05/2019 23:25

I had a miscarriage and came into work the next day (wasn’t really ready was a bit naive about my emotions) the person I worked with on night shift knew and and put one born every minute on 😭

Pericombobulations · 26/05/2019 23:59

My boss told me to be more considerate of a work colleague because she had had an awful year with her divorce. I just looked at him and couldn't actually bring myself to say "and being diagnosed with MS in the last 12 months and coming to terms with that has been so easy".

TheShoeLady · 27/05/2019 00:19

We had some folding plastic chairs that we wheeled out when extra guests came. They were utterly shit and always collapsed when anyone sat on them not quite straight, so when pregnant SIL came round I told her not to sit on the plastic chair as I didn't want it to collapse (as obvs being pregnant, it might have hurt the baby and her)

She took it to mean she was so huge (she wasn't!) that she'd break the chair.

I tried to dig my way out of it, but I still cringe about this regularly to this day and her baby is nearly 10 now

RagingWhoreBag · 27/05/2019 00:19

and yes, I know we should have binned the chairs, but we would usually just take them ourselves and sit down very carefully!

justyouraveragegirl · 27/05/2019 08:28

Remembered another one!
So when I was younger my grandma died, I decided to spend the night at my BF's (now ex) as my family were all upset and just felt like I needed to get away from it all as it had been a depressing few days.. At my ex's we decided to watch a film and his mom picked one out for us and said to watch that one.. so we're watching the film and next thing you know the grandma in the film all of a sudden dies a very dramatic death. My ex looked at me and was like I'm so sorry and proceeded to scurry over to the tv to turn it off.. not long after his mom comes in and is like how's the film? Ermm the grandma died so we turned it off! Her face was a picture she literally gasped and was like I'm sooooo sorry I completely forgot about that part..

TerminalFootInMouthDisease · 27/05/2019 08:46

I've NC for this as this could be really outing - but his contributions are just too many not to share:

My boss of many years is one of the loveliest people you'll ever meet but also a true foot-in-mouth virtuoso. These are some of his many gems:

[Having coffee with female colleague who a) has fancied him for years (which I know; he doesn't) and b) is decidedly obese. We're discussing Game of Thrones, early seasons - the ones with the nudity.]. Him: "I don't get the Daenerys Targaryan thing, that woman is way to chubby to be attractive ... Hey, Terminal, stop kicking my shin under the table, it hurts!"
[Giving a presentation at work]: "And one of the challenges about it was that the audience wasn't exactly educated. I mean, not precisely IQ 140. Anyway, we've seen a lot of tattoos ..." [Cue a third of the room looking offended - I now know exactly which colleagues have tattoos in hidden spots].
"Well, my sister has a serious learning disability too - she barely passed her A-levels". [To a colleague whose own sibling lives in assisted living]

I swear, he's fucking lovely. Just extremely talented at saying the exact wrong thing at the exact wrong time.

sandgrown · 27/05/2019 08:56

A soldier with an artificial leg was collecting in my local supermarket. I stopped to give him some change . I said "I am sorry it's only shrapnel" I realised straight away it could have been inappropriate and apologised but he had the good grace to laugh!

Mookie81 · 27/05/2019 09:24

TerminalFootInMouthDisease a 'lovely' guy doesnt say a fraction of what you've described.
Thinking and saying the woman who plays Daenerys is 'way too chubby'?
He sounds like an arsehole.

TheChineseChicken · 27/05/2019 09:31

@Mookie81 my thoughts exactly!

cheeseislife8 · 27/05/2019 09:33

Some of these are toe-curlingly insensitive!

In a pub I used to work in I once pulled 4 pints for a chap then asked if he needed a hand taking them to his table... then noticed he had one arm! Utterly mortified, though he just laughed and said a tray would be sufficient. Literally wanted to evaporate

DisgraceToTheYChromosome · 27/05/2019 09:47

I have a colleague who's minus a hand. First time we met he was doing up curtainsider buckles (about 28 on each side) and I asked if he needed help, because patronising white liberal. He grinned and said a spare hand would be welcome.

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