I’m exhausted and just need to rant

[TiredTiredAndADashOfMoreTired]

I honestly don’t even know if my feelings are justified, or if I’m being hormonal or what. But I just wanted to jot this down and get it out somewhere so I can feel a bit better (hopefully!).

We have a 2 year old, a one year old and I'm 6 months pregnant. DH has been away on a stag do since Friday morning and isn’t due back til Monday evening.

I’m absolutely shattered. Our kids have never slept well, but the change in routine has mucked up their bedtime and it’s taking ages for them to settle in the evening, our youngest DC is waking up multiple times and not going to back to sleep for hours on end, then they’re both awake and starting their days at 5am.
I’m so irritable and keep crying which I know is likely down to being 6 months pregnant, but I’m just sat here (probably irrationally) angry at DH for going away for four days straight and having a lovely break when it’s me who’s been the stay at home parent for 2 and a half years and have probably had less than 4 nights out in that whole time.

I know I’ll likely get people saying ‘you can have a break away later in the year’ or whatever, but, can I just have a moment to be quietly annoyed that he’s drinking, bowling, playing pool, relaxing, having lay ins whilst I’m stuck here with a demanding toddler and a clingy baby that never leaves me alone, doing the same shit I’ve been doing day in, day out for over 2 years?

I just feel maxed out. Aaaaaaand breathe.

Oh god I feel your pain. We have a 3 year old 1 year old and I'm 8mths pregnant. I had a tough day sat woth my kids while my husband was away for 8 hours. I was on the verge of a breakdown. I do think the hormones have a huge part to play. I must say though a 4 day stag is taking the Piss. I would be sure to plan a weekend with the girls when baby is out. What's good for the goose is good for the gander.

I dont think 4 days is that bad at all but I dont have 3 under 3. I have a 2 (nearly 3) year old and I'm pregnant and my DP is going away for 4 nights next weekend and it doesnt bother me at all. I know I'll manage fine.

In your situation it's fair to ask him not to do something like this again but it really should have been discussed before TTC. Hindsight is a wonderful thing though!

Hope you're surviving ok this morning OP. I messaged earlier but think it got lost.

It's so tough solo parenting for periods of time.

I would definitely be pregnant with my third now, which would be 3u3 if it wasn't for the fact that DH is away 2 weekends a month. So definitely feel your pain. Pregnancy is so so tough without two little ones to look after

Well, they've just left. Due home within the next 2 hours.
Not too much longer until I can throw my hands in the air and say 'you deal with the kids now'.

If I wasn't 6 months pregnant, a whole bottle of wine would most definitely be in order given how I'm feeling and the fact I feel I deserve it 😴

Pisses me off no end people booking 4 day stag dos

I believe there are things you simply can't do anymore when you have young DC's, and going away for four days is one of them.

Well you believe this, but your DH obviously doesn't. You need to change your own beliefs to line up with his. So you go off to your mother's next weekend for some TLC, leaving him with two toddlers to look after by himself. Just for two days because he has to go to work on Monday, but he still owes you so you can do it again in a couple of weeks to even things up.

Why didn't this come up before OP? When the stag was first mentioned?

It seems a bit passive to go along with it and then be angry and resentful after the event.

I have 3 kids (one is disabled!). Going away for 4 days wouldn't be an option for either of us.

I think you need to stop calling it 4 days, it's really 12 without support due to work.

I did bring it up before, many times, I didn't just blindly agree to this and swallow my concerns and anger, but each time I was told that 'I'll be alright' or something along those lines.
I need to speak with him about it again just so he's absolutely clear that I won't tolerate a trip of this length again.

When you had the conversation about the 4 days away & he said 'you'll be fine',you should have said 'No,I won't & you need to compromise'
Both of you need to communicate better but you,OP, need to not be such a pushover.
He sounds quite domineering & definitely hasn't taken your feelings into consideration.
Don't continue your marriage being the one who just 'puts up & shuts up'.

I can't stand it when people organise days long stag/hen dos.

I'd be mightily pissed off too and I'd tell him so! I'd also tell him he's got the kids all to himself next weekend. Selfish bugger

I had 3 under 3 for a short while ..it wasn't due to planning ..... ( We even had a severely disabled DS in the middle)

I feel your pain but again, I have to agree with Donut... If you are planning these age gaps ....

I speak to people who have 1 and then think omg this baby thing is really easy.....it is! Then they turn into children.... That's when they become difficult!

Four days is a while...but if he left you tomorrow ...you'd still need to cope with the kids mainly on your own!!!! It's a one off and I'm sure you'll tell him how it actually is to much !

We look back now and wonder how the hell we coped...but we did ...and you will too!

Make sure he's doing all the bedtimes and getups for at least 5 days!

The problem is that when he said ‘you’ll be fine’ at that point, unless you said ‘no I won’t and you are not going’ then you’ve basically agreed to him going. So it’s too late now. Yes tell him it won’t happen in the future but in the future your kids will be older etc. This was the stag do he should have missed and you really should have put your foot down. He won’t care about your ranty text. He’s been, had a great time and spent the family money!

.. so if he complains about being left alone with two toddlers all weekend tell him "you'll be fine". Make a mental note of any other objections he raises so you can use them next time he wants to leave you in the lurch.

It is true that expectations change with two toddlers and a baby on the way... the problem here is that only one parent's expectations seem to have changed. The other parent seems to expect to carry on with business as usual.

YANBU. I had 3 under 3 and my dh would not have gone away like this. We barely coped between us.

He clearly doesn't care though. If my dh said that I would've said 'will I fuck. Not happening'. He's walked all over you.