Hello! I’m Clive the cheeseplant.

[CliveTheCheeseplant]

Howdy all, I’m Clive and I’m over 4 feet tall. My owner is a long time houseplant carer but because I was expensive she is paranoid about killing me. She’s wondering if anyone has any advice or tips about how much water to give etc. I have a nice bright spot by a big window. Do I need water when my soil is dry? Or only once a week.

Ps I’m typing this with my tentacle thingies that wrap around my moss stick.

@CliveTheCheeseplant

Monstera says thank you and apologizes for her supporting structure.
(A set of children's bunk beds my DH keeps little piles of academic paperwork on - he calls this "filing".)

Clive I'm sorry to hijack your thread and I apologise in advance if my post hurts your feelings. But I'm inspired by the pics of you and your relatives to get a little Clivie of my own.

Don't house plants emit carbon monoxide at night?Aren't they supposed to be moved out of the house at night? And Clive between ourselves wouldn't you be a bit too big for that?Or is this an old-fashioned notion ? As you can tell, I'm ignorant about plants so please forgive what might be a stupid question.

@tracybeakersoyeah

Not at all. My favourite film is Day of the Triffids and my favourite song is Flower People by Spinal Tap. Favourite human other than my owner is Clive Owen, my namesake, because he is pretty. I’m not gay I just appreciate a handsome fellow.

@prokupatus no apology necessary. You may observe that behind me is some missing skirting board, soon to be fixed apparently.

@nonebutourselves as far as my owner is aware houseplants are good for the air/ oxygen. Or so she’s always read. Me and my buddies- all 13 of them- always stay in the house. We are good for human’s souls too. A cactus or snake plant are v easy to take care of to start with!

I ssecond cacti.

I patiently waited 12 years for one of mine to flower. I got them as seeds. Little yellow flowers

Wow you grew them from seed? Impressive!

There’s a poster on MN called nanthewiser (I think it’s her) who has a massive greenhouse full of cacti. It’s a sight to behold.

Oh how lovely, Clive, I am planning a visit to our Botanical gardens to see the cacti. I love them. I only have about 10, more cannot get proper sun and light.

Thanks Clive! That's very encouraging.

I stopped having houseplants on the basis they're just something else to look after, but you're pretty damn seductive, Clive.

Apparently snake plants emit oxygen at night so are good for bedrooms.

Hi Clive! I am just getting into houseplants and mine are all quite small, but now I want a monster!

Don't house plants emit carbon monoxide at night? Aren't they supposed to be moved out of the house at night?

No. They do emit some carbon dioxide at night as they respire... but so do you, any humans you live with, and any pets, in larger quantities. OTOH, plants emit oxygen in the day when they are photosynthesising. On that basis you should leave your plants indoors and chuck yourself out.

Apparently snake plants emit oxygen at night so are good for bedrooms.

Spider plants are also fantastic air purifiers. NASA did tests that found they remove 90% of carcinogenic formaldehyde from the air.

@prokupatus ooh I wish we had botanical gardens near here. My owner would love to go. Me too, but y’know, I can’t walk.

@tinselangel 😘 my owner just makes a note weekly to water us all and that’s all the care we need. Maybe you should reconsider! 😉

@bettyblueeyes83 hello! What houseplants do you have? I love to talk plants. In our house we have 6 🌵, 3 snakeplants, a curly spider plant, a large umbrella palm and me of course.

@CliveTheCheeseplant
Monstera is sorry that she can't go either.
In July there is an event called "Long night of botanical gardens", when all botanical gardens are open at night and there's music, food, guided tours on wildlife and plantlife.
I'll be there enjoying myself.