Hello! I’m Clive the cheeseplant.

[CliveTheCheeseplant]

Howdy all, I’m Clive and I’m over 4 feet tall. My owner is a long time houseplant carer but because I was expensive she is paranoid about killing me. She’s wondering if anyone has any advice or tips about how much water to give etc. I have a nice bright spot by a big window. Do I need water when my soil is dry? Or only once a week.

Ps I’m typing this with my tentacle thingies that wrap around my moss stick.

Ah. We need to collect rainwater then.

@angelakilfeather hi sexy! 😘

@absolutepowercorrupts

@margitlovedtom1 well he has tethered himself to his moss stick and he is tied with twine as well.

Ah for some reason I just spoke about myself in the third person!

My granny had a humongous one of these, I was fucking petrified of it!!! But you’re not scary Clive, you’re handsome.

Get your owner to give you a water spray when the air is very dry. So long as it's not in direct sunlight, you will love it.

@verastsnhope 😘

@pickachew ooh that sounds so refreshing.

What a handsome plant, hi Clive 👋🏼

DF would give his cheese plant a cup of black unsweetened tea every fortnight. I don't think we ever knew Cheese Plant's name, but he loved his tea & occasionally got a little bit of Guinness too!

I like this thread.

Sadly I can't give you any advice though Clive, as I have a black rather than green thumb and wouldn't like to kill you.

I have some silk roses that identify as real flowers though. Like The Velveteen Rabbit but in floral form.

Just coming on to say Clive you're a beaut. I want a Clive but I kill anything that isn't a cactus 😂

Clive...do you think I need to be tethered?

@pearldeodorant 👋 why thank you.

@tracybeakersoyeah your df plant had an interesting palate. Maybe I’d like it too!

@webuiltciscityonsexistroles at least you’re honest about your black fingers and are enjoying pretend flowers instead. Too many of my brothers and sisters have died because of people overwatering them etc. I love the Velveteen Rabbit. It makes my owner cry.

@origamiunicorn thanks! My ego is definitely getting bigger by the minute today.

@angelakilfeather hell yeah baby!

Nice plant. As long as your human pet keeps an eye on your leaves to make sure they aren’t discolouring it will be fine.

@lordproffekko what does she do if they discolour? Is this a sign of overwatering?

Hi Clive, my mum had one of your kind (sorry if that sounds plantist) when I was growing up. It was massive and spread around room and my mum would treat it like bunting. She used to make us help her shine the leaves with soapy water and kept it watered with a massive plate thing under the massive pot. It was really hard to kill. It just grew and made our room look like a jungle.

I used to have a huge Delicious Monster just like you, how I miss him! I used to water him once a week, and wash his leaves every now and again. Visitors were always trying to snap off his aerial roots, which upset him.

@bluebluered that sounds awesome! My owner keeps joking that one day her husband will open the front door and all he will see inside is leaves, mist and hear the sound of monkeys chattering.

@adacoleman I’m sorry for your loss A lot of people are advising washing leaves so my owner will do that. I’m about to have a lovely misting with the water sprayer! Excited!

AdaColeman me too. Mine was the same sort of size as Clive and I had to give him away when I moved. It was either the plant or one of the kids. Looking back I may have made a poor choice...

Oh yes! My Delicious Monster loved a good misting, his aerial roots would tremble!

You need a macrame owl for company. The last 'Clive' I knew thrived on council tap water and benign neglect.

What a handsome chap I wouldn't put oil on his leaves, may clog up the pores, maybe a spritz of water to freshen him up?

cantfindname When I moved, I had to leave DM behind and the new owner promised that she would look after him. But within a couple of weeks she had sold him. I wish I had kept him myself.
You could be right about leaving a child behind, Delicious Monsters never answer back or refuse to eat their cabbage.

It is very easy to overwater. Make sure the soil is just dry before watering. They also like to stand in the bath and be squirted with a water spray bottle once in a while.

Monstera says hello.
You can see the hard water winter damage at her leaves.

What a gorgeous specimen! Well helloooo there!

Clive you do look gorgeous.
Got a few questions if you don't mind?
What tv programmes do you like watching?
Favourite music?
Favourite human other than your DM.