Dad's odd letters

[user87382294757]

My dad writes to me, sometimes. He is in his 70s, but they have always been like this. I got another today. I find it hard to read and undersigned, but he is Ok to talk to. Well, I suppose he is a little like this in person as well.

It's full of times and dates, e.g. 9.33am I went for a run for 26 mins. That kind of thing. I guess he is trying to share his news with me, perhaps. He asks if the children 'like running along the road' but that is his hobby...he does seem to see at one point this might get a bit dull as says "I hope this is not too BORING!!" ...but then starts it again!

He says he will come visit me in June and see me '4 or 5 times' which I find a bit intense. I mean I guess that is OK but does he tally up how many times he has seen me?!

This isn;t a new thing, and I have always wondered about it.

Apols for typos, writing in a hurry. Yes my writing seems just as annoying tbh!

I think it's lovely that he writes to you. Keep and treasure those letters . Do you ever write back ? He may live to get a little note.

I miss talking to my dad and getting replies, told off and what to do. He's still around but has Alzheimer's so doesn't know who I am anymore.

Relish those letters ! X

Not sure what your post is about? Do you not want him writing?
I think its lovely. In the nicest possible way, you aren't going to have much longer left with him so I would take all the letters and visit I could!

I find the idea of a dad writing to his adult child in this way rather moving. Sharing his news, as you put it, when that news is just the very precise details of a run he went on, and he's afraid he might be boring you but still wants to let you know. It's just beautiful.

Or isn't it? I assume you get on with him, and if he's always been like this you can't be worried about his mental well being(?) Do you write back?

I get on well with my dad; we live in the same town and we are both rather isolated in our lives, so he rings me every week and takes me out every couple of months in the car, just to a nearby city or somewhere for a walk. I suppose he therefore doesn't need to write to me, but I'd treasure any letter he did send.

Well we can’t tell you about your dad’s eccentricities can we? Why do you need to question it? It’s how your dad is. Like the previous poster, be glad to get letters and visits from your dad (even 4 or 5, which isn’t very much imo). My dad is also still around and has dementia. He can’t even talk to me or recognises me. Just be thankful and glad he’s alive and well. Do you write back?

I didn't ask to be told how I should feel about the letters, he can actually be pretty draining and self indulgent since he left mum after an affair...quite a while back and I wondered if maybe he has some underlying traits such as aspergers perhaps

My dad was like this too - very precise and factual and found conversation awkward and focussed it on his own interests. Drove me mad when he was alive but I’d do anything for another conversation now. Treasure the letters, op he probably just wants to make a connection but is doing it in a slightly clumsy way.

Maybe I would feel more grateful is he had supported us as children too instead of doing odd things like leaving his work to join in classes at our secondary school...and copy our hobbies. If you don't know the background why make judgemental comments.

Then what did you ask? Elderly people write letters, they don't usually whatsapp

I was aandring what people thought about the stuff he does in the letters. All the focusing on precise dates / times facts and thinking others have his hobbies etc rather than say asking what they actually do like instead.

asking, sorry.

Do you see him as systematic in his thinking rather than intuitive?

Perhaps numbers introduce a precision and structure to his day that he finds comforting.

He sounds like someone who cares about keeping a connection going with you but perhaps is also a little rigid in his thinking and finds it hard to adjust to the requirements of others who sees the world differently.

I find it moving too, that he is trying to communicate, whilst not finding it easy.

What sort of job did he do? Was he an engineer or something in that direction?

You make no sense OP and are very defensive.

Actually your dad's letters make more sense than your posts here.

You’re right, OP, no one knew the background as you didn’t say what it was. Now you have, I can see why the letters might be a bit self indulgent and irritating if there is a backstory of bad feeling and him not treating you very well.
Other posters were viewing letters from a father through their own filter of how they would feel about it. They’re not wrong to do so and you’re not wrong to feel resentful of him imposing on your time in this way.

Do you open them straight away or could you put them to one side until you feel in the right mood to skimread them and shove them in a drawer and forget about them?

I think that’s how he sees the world and likes to present it to others in the same format.

If you don’t like your dad then that’s fair enough, but of all the things you’ve said about him the letters seem to be the nicest thing he does.

No, he was an accountant but hated it and left the city to do something completely different...ended up being a postman then a coal man but couldn't really stick at anything..left everything to do an open uni sociology course when we were children which involved summer schools and the like and basically trying to join in things at our school etc.

Sounds endearing but not easy to grow up with when you have a plastic bag for a school bag and your friends laugh at you as your dad is there on the school bus trying to join your music class.

He ran marathons. He parentified me a lot after the divorce and it is had to forgive that.

But you actually didnt ask anything, thats why people are just commenting on the letter writing in general.

Do you write back?

He sounds like someone who doesn't really understand people or the sometimes painful effect he has on them, yet continues to try, however clumsily, to establish bonds.

Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I don't know. None of us have been in your shoes or suffered the consequences of his inability to navigate human relationships well.

That sounds very tough for you to grow up with that. I’d probably relegate his letters to a quick glance when I was in the mood for them not to make me resent how he used to make you feel.

I would not write back as would make him write more and they are already lengthy and frequent.

Thank you Saucery good plan. Thanks for being understanding.

Has he always been like this? Or are his letters getting more odd? Could be worth getting him checked by docs, I may be wrong but I am thinking dementia or brain issue?