How do spend your time when alone?

[Misty9]

I've just separated from H and we are sharing care of the kids 50/50, so I have quite a lot of time spent on my own and I'm not used to it. I tend to grind to a halt and do nothing despite best intentions.

So how do others spend their time when alone? I love things like going to the coast but I just feel sad doing these things alone - but frustrated by kids demands if they're there! it's one extreme or the other it seems.

And how do you motivate yourself to do stuff if you're on your own? The long bank holiday weekend is looming, again

I go hard at it at the gym

I know the feeling! 6 weeks into separation from h and also finding the weekends he has them long and lonely and the nightimes after the kids are in bed are very lonely and quiet.

I've started doing puzzle books in the evenings but still finding the weekends hard.

Mumsnet, tv, reading a book or word games on the iPad. Sometimes shopping. Never bored.

Long walks, cooking things I want to eat that no one else does, painting my nails, watching crap on tv etc etc. When I was a single mum I got myself a part time job working evenings in a pub / hotel so I could get to meet some new people (I also worked full time during the day in an office, but I found the evenings very lonely so wanted to fill them up).

I don't have much time alone. I do have a day off work some weeks when DC are at school/ pre-school. I usually spend that cleaning the house, watching tv programmes I recorded over a year ago and haven't got round to watching, going to shops. If I had more time, I might start going for walks, doing some sort of exercise (swimming, join a gym for the first time in my life), read more.

I need to learn to be on my own. I always struggle with finding things to do!

Gaming, binge watching TV with a takeaway that I didn't have to compromise on! Walks, shopping. On a night if there was nothing I wanted to watch I would either game or play on apps on my iPad or potter about doing little jobs. I actually never feel lonely and enjoy my own company. I never get time to myself anymore since my husband and I reconciled and we have 3 kids but I loved some me time and not having to do anything unless I wanted to.

I've always enjoyed time to myself, so the two weekends a month XH has kids I love! Sometimes I do catch up with friends but at least 50% of them I try to keep for myself. If feeling virtuous, I catch up on household chores/ admin or maybe batch cook. If not (more likely!), I'll binge watch TV shows I've missed, read, get a haircut or other personal grooming...and enjoy a couple of long lies!

I don't really get bored, it's more that I just cease to function...i can't think of how to describe it. It's like I can think of lots of things to do but I don't see much purpose to them as I'm existing fine as I am - if that makes sense?! Except that's all I'm doing. Existing.

Lonely on the other hand - definitely and the thought of 2-3 days with nothing planned is filling me with apathy. I can spend hours just sitting. Yes, I'm probably depressed but I think that's understandable and situational. I just need to find the motivation to actually do some things.

I do the same! On Sunday ex was bringing the kids home at 6. I laid in my bed doing nothing until 5 then got dressed in time for him to drop them off.

Are there any hobbies you'd like to try, or do more of?
Have a look on meetup- there will always be things happening at the weekend and you can just turn up by yourself.

I go on my phone honestly. I can and do spend the whole day/weekend on there. It's not great I admit.

Another thing I do though is go and take photos. I have a decent camera and I might hire a new lens and go somewhere and try to be artistic. I prefer doing this alone as I don't like people commenting my work which admittedly is crap (dc are so judgemental ).

Gym, cook, bake, online shop!

Read, colour, sew, take photos either in the house, garden or go out with my camera, catch up on the tv programmes I've not managed to watch, go to a cafe, sleep

I used to just take my time with everything. Clean the house too to bottom first. It's always better to have a clean house if you've nothing else to do.

Go shopping and wander around at my own pace. Get whatever I wanted to eat in. Go home, nap, bathe for hours with a book. Set myself up on the couch, duvet, snacks, binge a tv show or set of films I'd not been "allowed" to watch... shop online, fall asleep, spend all day reading, lay in as long as I wanted. Takeaway for tea. (Yes I realise a lot of it revolved around food and sleep!)

It was so quiet and peaceful and eventually I fell into my own sort of routine with it all so that once the kids were away I'd clean then shop then do whatever.

It was quite nice really. I did get to the point where I'd start planning stuff too. Id do little DIY jobs or decorate or whatever. Just do whatever you want to. If you're going to sit, sit in comfort with everything you might conceivably want within easy reach!

It doesn't sound like you need ideas as to what to do, it sounds like you can't actually get your head around doing them. Be gentle on yourself – it is still very early days. You don't have to charge around creating a full life for yourself yet.

What sort of things did you enjoy doing alone before? Reading? Watching TV? Long baths? Shopping? Museums, etc? All these things are better without anyone else in the way, IMO! It may seem 'pointless' but you are feeling sad and anything you do will be looking after you.

Also, do you have friends or family you could meet for a coffee or meal or the cinema or something? Even a small meet-up can provide some structure to your weekend.

In the long-term, it's an opportunity to try a new hobby/social group-type thing that will get you out and about at the weekend – but all in good time.

Wishing you all the best and hope it gets easier for you.

Hi OP

I’m also separated from my ex and he has the kids this weekend. I do know how you feel - I think bank holiday weekends are often particularly hard. There is something about that extra day, when in your mind everyone else is doing things as a ‘family’.

When I first separated a year ago I did have a phase where I actively planned my time without the kids ( although I am just e/o weekend). But then ironically ended up really tired so had a phase where I didn’t really do anything ( which feels like a waste but actually can be good for just recharging - particularly if you are very emotionally drained by everything). I think now - a year on - I am starting to find a bit of a balance. So I guess what I'm saying is it takes time to adjust and to treat yourself gently. If you need to just sit and be for a while, that’s ok. In time you will find things slowly start to feel a bit more normal and you can begin to rebuild

Thank you - you've all made me cry with your kind words (in a good way). Things I used to enjoy doing alone were travelling, reading, music and just sitting in a bookshop cafe. But I'm finding I struggle to focus on anything and really struggle to get pleasure from things. I am going on a city break next month alone so that's good. No family anywhere near as we moved here to be near H's family.

You're right, it's getting my head around doing things alone I struggle with. Everyone keeps saying "you'll be ok " and I agree - the future does look positive. But the present is bloody hard

Most of what people have said are indoor activities. Does anyone go to outdoor things alone? There's a pub festival on this weekend and I would go alone but it's lonely and boring with no one to talk to. My friends have been amazing but they all have their own lives too.

Im a single mum, my son does a lot of scout camps, he is off on Friday at 7 and not back until 4 on Monday - can't wait !

TV to myself, don't have to get him up for his paper round. I've got a stack of magazines to flick through, I'll read the Sunday paper on Sunday. Few jobs to do at the allotment and at home. Might go to the cinema or theatre one night.
Facepack, manicure/pedicure, long bubble bath one night
Play my music
I'd normally have a takeaway, bottle of wine, dvd evening but am on pre- op diet so need to find some low calorie treats.
Three days not enough really.

That's what MN is for. Go to the pub festival, tell us all about it.

Also, rescue a dog, take up running. Life is much less lonely with a dog. They love you so much and no outdoor activity is 'alone' with a dog. Only if you ave the time, money and inclination of course!

Different scenario to you - I’ve just put my toddler in nursery so have Fridays to myself. I have started taking private art tuition, just an hour on a Friday morning. Only £20!! And so far so satisfying.
Also run/walk/workout dvd/pilates.
I get despondent going to places alone too. I’d rather do homey stuff if I’m alone. Hermit tendencies!

When I first divorced I got a dpuppy. Enjoyed her even more so because exh had refused to have one!!

I'm trying to work up the motivation to get the train to the coast on Saturday as that's supposed to be the best day weather wise. I could go crabbing and get fish and chips. Alone.

I love doing things on my own, no one to have to ‘compromise’ with, can do exactly what I want, I often find I talk to random strangers and have unexpected conversations when I am on my own which wouldn’t necessarily happen if you are with a partner or friend. I would go to the coast on Saturday, go with a positive attitude & you will enjoy it.

I made myself go to the cinema for the first time on my own recently, it was great, & there were quite a few other singles there as well.