I have found myself stuck in The Great Ear-Piercing Debate™

[TottWriter]

So... What age do people generally aim for with this?

DD is 8, going on 9. She has been asking on and off about getting her ears pierced for a few years now. I have always said that she can have them done when she is 10, for her birthday as it's in July and they can heal over the holidays.

I've always stuck with 10 because I want her to be responsible enough to look after them herself when she gets them done. EX-H doesn't especially approve (he maintains that she will "never" get them done ) so I anticipate her needing to be independent when she goes over there, and also it has the advantage of her definitely being old enough to make that decision herself.

I was 10 when I had my own ears done, which is another major reason for holding off, and it's never seemed a problem to me to wait that long. DD has never expressed any real problems...until today, when we had a massive meltdown on the walk home from school because apparently there are only two girls left in the class without pierced ears and she's one of them, and I am officially the Worst Mother because I have told her she can't get them done yet.

Now, DD has a history of problems controlling her emotions. She gets worked up to a tantrum state very easily. (A whole other kettle of fish which I have had issues with and am trying to get solutions for, for Dad's sake as well as my sanity!) So, as I have always made my central point about being mature enough to have them done, I've said that she needs to learn to cope with other people having things, and that the fact she's throwing a tantrum kinda proves she's not responsible enough just yet. In retaliation she begged at full, sobbing volume all the way home. I am convinced that my neighbours must think I'm depriving her of some human right by the way she's going on!

OP please stick to your guns.

The actual age is much less important than not caving into pressure/tantrums. She really really needs to know that you can hold a boundary. There may be bigger battles ahead when she's a teenager over more important things than ear piercing!

You can empathise with her but don't cave. Maybe she needs some positive support with learning how to handle frustration.

D you think it’s actually true that such a large majority of a class of 8 year olds have their ears pierced? It sounds unlikely.

My sister and I were desperate and obsessed with getting our ears pierced for years before being allowed to get them done age 13 and 12. My own DD had her ears pierced the day she finished junior school which was a bit of a rite of passage. My sister has two DD a bit younger than mine and she was enforcing the teenager thing until I reminded her of how passionately we had felt and pointed out how DD getting hers done had had no negative consequences. After that she let her DDs go ahead in late primary school with no harm done.

Yesitsmedontcare have you tried titanium or nobium? If it's a reaction to the metal in the earrings they might be worth a try. Finally after over 20 years of having earrings I have realised I can buy ear hooks I can wear and attach them to cheap fashion earrings (dangle only) to wear for nights out.

cruella it nearly killed me because your ears aren't supposed to have holes in them. There was nothing wrong with where I had them pierced - it certainly wasn't a shit hole like Claire's Accessories or anything - and they were fine for 6 months.

At that point perfectly normal skin bacteria got into my blood stream, via the holes, and ended up building a little bacterial civilisation on one of the valves of my heart. I was in intensive care for a three weeks and hospital for another month. It took me about 6 months to get back on my feet properly and ruined much of my upper sixth year.

That's the risk you take when you decide to stick holes in your body. That's why it would be terrible decision to make for another human being. Imagine your baby died that way (and I certainly would have died if this had happened when I was a baby) and it hadn't even been their decision?

Its one thing to make risky decisions on behalf of yourself or even another for medically advantageous reasons....it totally different to do it for cosmetic or peer pressure reasons.

DD is 9yo (Y5) and asked about having it done the other week, I guess they must have been chatting at playtime or something. I've also said the summer hols between Y6 and Y7 because she needs to be able to clean them out when they're pierced and also to be able to take them out for PE or remember not to wear earrings on those days. I'm not being responsible for reminding her. She will also be paying for it to be done (which is another natural limiter )

M3lon gosh tgat sounds awful and so scary. It's important to hear your story as so many people get it done on babies and don't consider the risks.

Op - stick to your guns otherwise she will be using meltdowns as a way to get what she wants. Maybe get some magnetic ones for now to wear for special occaisions.

I think i was 10 or 11 when mine were done, my mum is v squeamish so told me she wouldn't be touching my ears if they needed puss cleaning etc. Also at that age kids "play" less, i remember at primary school lots of girls got theres knocked or pulled out during playtime so around 10 ish you will hopefully avoid this issue!

When my girls were younger and asking for ear piercings, I said they had to wait until they left primary school. They were OK with this as I think they saw it as a grown up treat. The summer holidays is a good time to allow them to heal, although my eldest went on guide camp and was made to remove her earrings for some of the activities and had a problem with one ear. Now they are both teenagers and I would give anything to go back to the time when their wants and needs were so simple!