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Original poster

I have found myself stuck in The Great Ear-Piercing Debate™

57 replies

TottWriter · 22/05/2019 16:20

So... What age do people generally aim for with this?

DD is 8, going on 9. She has been asking on and off about getting her ears pierced for a few years now. I have always said that she can have them done when she is 10, for her birthday as it's in July and they can heal over the holidays.

I've always stuck with 10 because I want her to be responsible enough to look after them herself when she gets them done. EX-H doesn't especially approve (he maintains that she will "never" get them done ) so I anticipate her needing to be independent when she goes over there, and also it has the advantage of her definitely being old enough to make that decision herself.

I was 10 when I had my own ears done, which is another major reason for holding off, and it's never seemed a problem to me to wait that long. DD has never expressed any real problems...until today, when we had a massive meltdown on the walk home from school because apparently there are only two girls left in the class without pierced ears and she's one of them, and I am officially the Worst Mother because I have told her she can't get them done yet.

Now, DD has a history of problems controlling her emotions. She gets worked up to a tantrum state very easily. (A whole other kettle of fish which I have had issues with and am trying to get solutions for, for Dad's sake as well as my sanity!) So, as I have always made my central point about being mature enough to have them done, I've said that she needs to learn to cope with other people having things, and that the fact she's throwing a tantrum kinda proves she's not responsible enough just yet. In retaliation she begged at full, sobbing volume all the way home. I am convinced that my neighbours must think I'm depriving her of some human right by the way she's going on!

OP posts:

implantsandaDyson · 22/05/2019 17:09

My three had their ears pierced somewhere between 6 and 7 years of age. We never had any issues with aftercare. Their primary school allows stud earrings and they don't need to take them out for PE. It's only on MN and not in real life that I know people that wait for between primary and secondary school. Certainly in my 11 year olds P7 class the majority of girls have their ears pierced.

AvocadosBeforeMortgages · 22/05/2019 17:11

Whatever you do don't go to Claire's or anywhere else that uses a gun style piercing device. They're physically impossible to properly sterilise.

Take her to a proper piercing shop or tattoo studio that also does piercings. The difference in standards is very, very noticeable.

IHaveBrilloHair · 22/05/2019 17:12

I had Dd's done when she was 13 months, we were in Indonesia for a few months and all the girls have them.
She's now 17 and has 19 piercings at the last count.
I just don't see the big deal.

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Beauty

happymummy12345 · 22/05/2019 17:12

I go against the grain as I think the younger the better. I had mine done as soon as I was old enough and I'm very glad my mum took me.
I would take my daughter as soon as she is old enough (I would have taken my son but my husband doesn't like eat piercings on boys so I couldn't).

happymummy12345 · 22/05/2019 17:14

If I have a daughter of course.
It doesn't hurt and the younger the less likely the child will be to fiddle or play with them and cause an infection. I was a few months old and I didn't cry at all. No worse than the jabs they have

ReginaGeorgeous · 22/05/2019 17:16

I think you're being a bit OTT on the 'peer pressure' bit to be honest. Don't most kids want things to fit in with their mates? I remember hassling my mum for a helix piercing when I was 13 because my best mate had hers done and I thought it looked cool. Same for requesting expensive trainers or whatever, it was always "but please mum, everyone else has them".

M3lon · 22/05/2019 17:16

Peer pressure is a very very bad reason to put holes in your body. I had mine done at 15 and it very nearly killed me. My DMum never really got over the fact she had helped me cave to peer pressure and it had nearly cost me my life.

womanhuman · 22/05/2019 17:16

I’ve told my 9yo that it won’t be til she can brush her own hair/teeth without supervision, instruction, complaints etc.

Also, not while she screams the place down about skinned knees or tiny scratches.

I feel like we’re good for another couple of years at least...

megletthesecond · 22/05/2019 17:22

10yr old DD is allowed to have them done this summer, the break between year 5 and 6.

Her primary school will be more tolerant of her taping them up and keeping them in for PE than a secondary school will be.

Rockbird · 22/05/2019 17:32

Sorry to hijack but can someone please tell me where these piercing/tattoo shops are that will pierce under 16s? I've hunted high and low and can't find one. I won't take DD1 to Claire's but even the jewellers and salons round here all use guns.

RomanyQueen1 · 22/05/2019 17:39

Mine asked at 8 and I said she had to wait until summer hols before Y7.
Came to the time and she didn't want them done, still doesn't at 15
It would make it a lot easier for presents.

ReginaGeorgeous · 22/05/2019 17:39

@Rockbird there's one near me that will pierce ear lobes for kids over 7 with parental consent. Worcestershire.

myhamster · 22/05/2019 17:40

rockbird this is what the body piercing salon in my local town has on their website, it costs £25 including titanium earrings.

*Responsible Attitudes to Age:

Although there is no law we do not pierce anything, apart from earlobes on anybody under the age of 13, and we do not pierce anyone under the age of 16 without parental consent. If we doubt a persons age we will always insist on proof of identity.*

So they will do earrings under 13. Not sure if I am going to go there though.

chocatoo · 22/05/2019 17:48

DD was allowed at 10. It took a long time for them to heal - several months. We were scrupulous about caring for them but they were sore and red for ages. In the end I got her old fashioned 9kt gold sleepers (hoops not studs) as part of the problem seemed to be behind the butterflies.
Don't cave until you are confident she is mature enough to maintain hygiene at her Dad's.

YesItsMeIDontCare · 22/05/2019 17:48

Please feel free to tell your DD about my ears.

Had them done at 14 in the proper "posh" place in town.
Wore all kinds of earrings for about six years.
Then for some reason they started to itch. And burn. And weep.
I haven't worn earrings for 25 years now, and they still periodically itch, burn and weep.
On top of that I've permanently got unsightly holes in my ears 'cause I can't put pretty earrings in.

agentdaisy · 22/05/2019 18:04

My eldest had hers done the summer after she turned 10, dd2 is having them done this year and she'll be 8. I'll take dd2 to the same piercer that I took dd1 to as the use a needle and studs with a ball rather than with a butterfly back. Ime butterfly backed earrings are much harder to keep clean in a new piercing, with the ball backed studs it was really easy to keep clean and keep hair from getting caught in.

Dd1's ears were healed in about 8 weeks but she didn't change them for about 6 months by choice. Our primary school allows studs covered with plasters for pe for high schools don't so I'm glad I didn't make dd1 wait till the summer before high school as they wouldn't have healed in time and it took her a while to get the hang of putting her earrings back in.

womanhuman · 22/05/2019 19:05

yesitsme
Exactly the same here!

reluctantbrit · 22/05/2019 20:44

We originally said start of secondary but brought it down to the Summer holiday before Y6. She had to show us that she was independent enough to sort out her hair, clothes, keeping all her little bits and pieces in her room without loosing items all the time.

She also was one of the last ones, can’t remember how many girls had intact lobes but less than we thought. I think the only ones were the serious gymnasts.

Annaspanna123 · 23/05/2019 00:44

We have been piercing ears for 40 years in our family jewellers, so I hope I can offer some advice, firstly sometimes girls can get more nervous with age and start to over think it, and I have seen so many girls get so upset and worked up because they have thought about it too long.
We never put pressure on them to have it done but they put so much pressure on themselves.
If your daughter is 9 and excited and keen to do it , maybe it's the right time, at 10 she might be scared and apprehensive ?
I have seen 5 year olds sit still and calm and smile, and 13 year olds cry scream shake before we even go near them.
So a mutually good age for parent and child should be found.
Secondly see if you can find a store that does Inverness piercing
Www.invernesscorp.com safe pierce its a gentle 100% sterile system inbetween a gun and a needle it's fully encapsulated, when we had extra licences from environmental health they were really impressed by the technology.
Thirdly go into the store talk to the staff before hand get them to spend some time running through the process with you gaining your confidence.
Finally !! It takes 6 weeks to heal don't believe any where that sells any quick healing solution , and even after 6 weeks you must keep something in within 24 hours

Lolly1986 · 23/05/2019 00:47

My daughter was 6 months with her first never had a issue etc in the summer holidays last year she was 9 she had her 2nd holes pierced had nothing but issues and infection luckily is all cleared now. Each to there own with the whole ear piercing I let her have her 2nds done because its a way she wanted to express herself and who she wants to be st the end of the day they can always close up if that's the choice after having them done

Calloway · 23/05/2019 00:56

So you've said she can get them done when she's ten and she'll be ten in July next year? Then stick with that.

I don't really agree with you on the teaching her a lesson on peer pressure though. Sounds like she's progressed a lot in taking care of herself as was requested so to throw this peer pressure issue into the mix might just appear as you're looking for reasons that weren't relevant previously.

Calloway · 23/05/2019 01:01

Basically, stick to the agreed deal without introducing late stage curve balls.

VenusClapTrap · 23/05/2019 07:12

I just don’t get the angst either. Dd asked if she could get it done for her 7th birthday. I made her wait a year to make sure it was definitely something she wanted to do, and she had it done on her 8th birthday. No big deal. She was the first in her class; there were a lot of lemon sucking faces amongst the other parents.

RedSheep73 · 23/05/2019 07:17

I think you have it right - I always said to my dd she could have them done at 10, not before. Like you, that was when I had mine, and it's old enough to make your own decision and to look after them properly. In the event I let her have it done a few weeks early, so that it was done in the school holidays before her birthday. That worked well. There's always something to be the worst mother in the world about though!

CruellaFeinberg · 23/05/2019 07:18

@M3lon

How did it nearly kill you?
Was the place you had them done not clean?

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