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Original poster

Today has been awful

40 replies

warmjumpercoldhouse · 21/05/2019 22:20

I start a new job tomorrow and I guess I've kind of freaked out about it today and manifested it with my mental health. Had an awful day of binge eating (feeling so so sick right now) and OCD behaviours mixed with anxiety.

I think I'm already thinking as if I've failed at this new job before even starting it, I've never been able to keep a job before due to my MH getting in the way and I really need this one as I have no money now as my PIP has been cancelled (currently appealing!) I can't keep relying on my family & BF financially forever.

I get scared about socialising at work, if the co workers will like me, what happens if I get tired/have a panic attack or get anxious etc. I hate eating around people and know that I will look strange with the way I eat/if I don't eat at all etc.

Everything seems to have gone wrong this evening too, I feel awful, sick & like I have a sore throat coming on, my BF and I have had an argument and he's not talking to me, my work clothes are sopping wet and taking ages to dry on the radiator etc.

I feel like I need a hug and a cry with someone who will listen right now, wish I could call my mum but I can't as I don't want to tell her about the job until it's been a week so I know it's going well. I keep stressing her out with getting jobs then not managing them so having to quit etc.

OP posts:
Femalebornandbreed · 21/05/2019 22:21

It will be fine. You know it will.

Go to bed and listen to some meditation music on ear phones Flowers

Original poster
warmjumpercoldhouse · 21/05/2019 22:25

@Femalebornandbreed Thank you, I really hope it will be. I just need this job and the 50 million I've had so far have never lasted longer than a few shifts at best before I've quit.

I guess I'm putting so much pressure on myself and over thinking it!

I think I will listen to a confidence meditation tonight at some point, god knows I won't be sleeping!

OP posts:
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 21/05/2019 22:26

Woah, from one over thinker to another... stop

All you need to do is sort the uniform thing out, including under wear, shoes, bag etc

And then go to bed with earphones and a sleep app.

Nothing will be as bad as you are envisaging, you are a newbie, no one wants you to fail. It will be all ok.

You can do this.

Wolfiefan · 21/05/2019 22:27

All you need to do is turn up and get through the day. You can do this!
(I hate eating round others too. And not everyone socialises with co workers.)

Marlena1 · 21/05/2019 22:30

Just take each day as it comes. The hardest bit is getting the job. Remember no one likes starting a new job, so there's nothing odd about feeling like this. Hope it all goes well, xx

Cyberworrier · 21/05/2019 22:32

Try not to let yourself go on these “what if” trains of thought, they are just adding to you stress.
Accept that it is stressful and that’s youre not feeling great, but also that you will in all likelihood get through the first day fine. Everyone (I think) gets nervous starting a new job so it’s actually normal to not feel relaxed. And you got the job - they believe you can do it.

Be polite to coworkers, smile say hi to people, but don’t feel you have to make friends or wow people on your first day. Could you go out in your lunch break or eat in your car? Or don’t feel scared to take a book/headphones and sit in a corner. You will have time to be more sociable when you have settled and are more comfortable.

Try not to stress about argument with your BF- put it on the shelf. You haven’t failed- you’re stressed and have found it hard to deal with but I’m sure you will be fine. And maybe plan to call your mum after work and surprise her? It may be nice to be able to talk through your first day, as well as to surprise her.

Good luck 💐

Highlandspring1991 · 21/05/2019 22:36

The hardest past as a PP was actually getting the job so well done! Sort out your clothes, have them set out ready for the morning. Take a long hot bath or shower and just relax. Everyone is nervous on their first day but just think, the people you’ll be working with are just that.. people. Just like you, me and everyone else. They had to have a first day too. You’ll do brilliantly! Just think positively and try your best. Good luck!!

Dancer12345 · 21/05/2019 22:47

Good luck! You’ll be fab. Once you get there there will be lots to learn and do, and you’ll be so busy it’ll fly by. The hardest bit will be done then 😀

thesnapandfartisinfallible · 21/05/2019 22:52

I have never ever had a job that I've liked in the first few weeks. You have to learn a job before you can know if you like it or not. I have to be strict with myself, no matter how much I hate it, I'm not allowed to quit or self sabotage until I have a month under my belt. People have been tortured longer than that and not broken, I can handle a month in a shitty job.

velourvoyageur · 21/05/2019 22:54

You sound really lovely OP. Really hope tomorrow goes well and do remember that if one person thinks you're strange it doesn't mean you have a black mark against you forever at this company! Flowers Brew they wouldn't have hired you if they weren't sure of having seen something in you - and they probably are more familiar with what makes someone suited to the role than you do, so trust them!

Isthisnecessary · 21/05/2019 22:57

One problem at a time

Sore throat - take paracetamol and a hot drink. Repeat in the morning.

Boyfriend with a face on. - leave him to it, there's bigger things to think about.

Clothes not drying - get up early and see then. You may be able to iron them dry or use a hair dryer by then. Until the morning, it's out of your control.

Eating with colleagues. Who says you have to? Tell them you need to make a private call and eat outside in the sun. Maybe, others may go with out in time and you're more comfortable.

Just pick out one problem at a time.
Can you deal with it?
Can you start to deal with it?
Is it in your control?
If out of your control, then it's not your problem to deal with.
Is it really that important?
Can it be left for a later time?

Congratulations on the new job. Good luck.

milksoffagain · 21/05/2019 23:29

I send you a GREAT BIG HUG!!!

Calm down and breathe slowly and deeply if you start to panic.

You will be fine.

One step at a time. xxx

Original poster
warmjumpercoldhouse · 21/05/2019 23:51

You lot are so bloody lovely! Thank you, currently on the sofa bundled up in blankets feeling sorry for myself lol.

My stomach feels awful, I can definitely say I've hit rock bottom binge eating wise today and I'm more motivated now to recover than ever!

I'm trying to distract myself and not think about tomorrow going badly/not working out, I'm just saying to myself 'when your alarm goes off tomorrow morn you'll feel so much better physically & you are going into work'

All I'm going to focus on tomorrow is completing the work day, that's all that is important. Everything else can take a step back.

OP posts:
Wolfiefan · 22/05/2019 07:20

Good luck today. One step at a time. Turn up and just do the first thing that needs doing. Flowers

Witchend · 22/05/2019 07:28

Good luck.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 22/05/2019 07:47

Morning OP!

Just popping in to wish you good luck today. If you're worried about behaving differently due to your anxiety issues, tell a few people you're new and really nervous. They'll immediately want to put you at your ease and they'll make allowances.

Hope it goes well and here's a good morning hug.

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 22/05/2019 08:00

Another good morning and good luck!

DameXanaduBramble · 22/05/2019 08:07

Aww, good luck - you can do this!!!

SaskiaRembrandt · 22/05/2019 08:44

Good morning, OP! You can do this! Hope you have a really good day.

spiderlight · 22/05/2019 10:26

Good luck today! Flowers

notapizzaeater · 22/05/2019 10:35

Good luck today, the first day is the hardest x

Poundlandkate · 22/05/2019 10:40

Good luck.

Original poster
warmjumpercoldhouse · 22/05/2019 14:13

Oh god it went so badly, I was up until ridiculous o clock in the morning unable to sleep, woke up, got there & around 11am I had a panic attack, started hyperventilating and had to leave. My manager rang me and was angry as apparently I should have told them I have MH issues as it's a disability. I hate telling people as I'm so embarrassed by it.

Anyway, I quit over the phone. God I wish I could function like a normal person, I'm 20 years old and can't manage to work. So embarrassing.

OP posts:
Original poster
warmjumpercoldhouse · 22/05/2019 14:13

Oh god it went so badly, I was up until ridiculous o clock in the morning unable to sleep, woke up, got there & around 11am I had a panic attack, started hyperventilating and had to leave. My manager rang me and was angry as apparently I should have told them I have MH issues as it's a disability. I hate telling people as I'm so embarrassed by it.

Anyway, I quit over the phone. God I wish I could function like a normal person, I'm 20 years old and can't manage to work. So embarrassing.

OP posts:
Original poster
warmjumpercoldhouse · 22/05/2019 14:13

Oh god it went so badly, I was up until ridiculous o clock in the morning unable to sleep, woke up, got there & around 11am I had a panic attack, started hyperventilating and had to leave. My manager rang me and was angry as apparently I should have told them I have MH issues as it's a disability. I hate telling people as I'm so embarrassed by it.

Anyway, I quit over the phone. God I wish I could function like a normal person, I'm 20 years old and can't manage to work. So embarrassing.

OP posts:
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