How did you cope when DH went back to work?

[largecoffeeplease]

So tomorrow is DH's first day back at work after our DD was born.
We've been lucky enough for him to have been able to take 5 weeks off as I had a lot of complications post-birth (still do) but now he needs to go back 3 days a week at least.

I'm feeling really apprehensive. I'm normally a really independent person but I've become so reliant on him as I've been so ill.

Any top tips for getting through the first few days alone with baby?

Just take it easy.

I was also really apprehensive when mine went back - we had twins who were 4 weeks early - honestly, it's fine. Just don't make plans for a few days, or very loose ones so you can get a feel for how long it takes you to get the baby ready and you ready and literally get where you need to. Really do not push yourself with regards to housework, especially as you've been so unwell.

Good luck I am 100% certain you will be absolutely fine. Make sure you have Just Eat app downloaded on your phone for the first few days though!

Lower your expectations on the speed you can do things and the amount you can get done.

Try and get out every day it does not have to be any kind of fancy baby group just a walk in the park is fine. If you can nap when your baby does do it. Be willing to accept help and to also turn down invites for anything that will cause too much stress,

Try to eat well, but nothing with too much effort, we had steamed rice done in the rice cooker, salmon I bunged in oven with a bit of pesto and ready made salad today.

You will be fine and it’s normal to feel apprehensive, just remember that.

With DC1 DH didn’t get any leave as DS was born in August an£ people were on holiday!

With DC2, i’d Had a CS and he had 2 weeks off, but DD1 was a sleeper.

Probably hardest with DC3 who wasn’t a sleeper plus I had DS at school. You just manage,

@DianaPrincessOfThemyscira I wish I had access to Just Eat! Living in a rural area and absolutely no delivery service here. I can't drive for another few weeks either so I feel very trapped inside :(

Thanks @Adversecamber22 you're right, I need to remind myself it's normal.
People keep telling me how well I'm doing because I've been so chilled out with everything we've been through so now I feel guilty that I'm not being so strong. I'm sure I will have a great first day with my gorgeous daughter and hopefully the guilty feeling will pass...

I know you said you can’t get JustEat but can you get your food shop delivered?
This has made my life a lot easier (and my DH works from home!).

Can your husband make you a pot of overnight oats the night before so you can have a breakfast ready to grab? Then if he is making a sandwich for himself to take to work he can make one for you in the morning too and it's ready for lunch.

Definitely lower your expectations: don't think you need to be out with make up on to prove you've got it together or cleaning your house. Your baby just needs cuddles and a relaxed mum more than anything else right now so don't do anything based on what you think you should be doing but you don't want to

Not to play top trumps because it really isn't and I was lucky enough to have easy births but my DP took 1 day off to be at the actual birth of our children and no more. Since my youngest was born nearly a year ago he hasn't had a single full day off work including weekends. You can do this I promise.

We also live in a rural area, so no take away delivery, no shops to gently walk to - we have to drive everywhere.

I get shopping delivered and get lots of things that can be bunged in the oven the evening before for tea and leftovers eaten cold with salad or in a sandwich the next day for lunch.

Take all the help or offers from anyone to visit - don't worry about how clean the house is.

If the weather is nice enough make a comfortable spot outside in the garden somewhere to just mooch and get out of the house.

Have the radio on somewhere so you still feel a bit connected to the outside world.

Use this time just to chill out and watch all the stuff you like on Netflix etc.

You will be fine.

I sat on the sofa and tried not to panic for the first 2 hours, and then realised it had been 2 hours and everything was fine! You'll quickly get into a routine, so just go with it and see what happens.

Try to have a shower and breakfast before DH leaves for work. It makes a difference to feel clean and fed.

Presumably the baby will sleep a fair bit, so use that time to relax and do things you enjoy, or nap a bit - don't knock yourself out doing housework etc.

Eat as well as you can; if it helps, make sandwiches before DH leaves and keep them in the fridge. If all else fails you can eat bread out of the packet with one hand, until you get into a routine of pre-making food, or eating while the baby sleeps/ lies on the floor.

Honestly, it feels overwhelming, but you'll be fine.

I was so relieved to get him out my hair. He barely helped with the baby and was just buzzing about doing stuff in the house. He went back after a few days.

I just didn’t think about it and pretended it was just a normal day, acted all nonchalant....... fake it til you make it 😄 it’s nice with your first because you can just stay home in PJs if you want, no-one to entertain.
I made sure that I was alone with the baby a few times during pat leave so I knew I could do it before he went back to work, but too late for that now.
My friend had her second at the start of private school summer hols so had her husband home for TEN WEEKS. Sounds like a nightmare!! She had a major freak when he went back!
Good luck!

Just focus on the baby; I tried to do tidying up etc and made it worse. Once I relaxed into the fact that DH would come home to a house that was like a bomb and he would sort out dinner then it was much easier. In time I started getting on top of things.
Make sure there’s something easy in the fridge for your lunch and make sure you eat and drink

You'll.be fine. When my DC were born there was no paternity leave. Dh took a couple of days of annual leave but then had to go back to work.

DS 2 was born by Caesarian so I had to manage him and ds1 who was 22 months. No internet shopping in those days either. I don't remember it being difficult, in fact I remember it fondly but that may be because I'm looking back over 20 years!

To echo others, you will be fine. I had an EMCS, dh wasn't entitled to paternity leave and we couldn't afford it at the time taken off unpaid, so I was discharged at 24 hours post section and he went back to work six hours later. I had my DPs in and out though.

Ready meals, pizza, things to have on toast/in sandwiches, cereal bars, cake.

Stay hydrated. Get a big water bottle and a thermal cup (bodum are brilliant, I still use mine and ds is 2.5)

Lower your expectations of what you "should" be doing, do what you are able and want to do.

Get a stretchy wrap sling. And a 6ft charger cable for your mobile. And amazon prime. And Netflix.

Recover. Pregnancy and birth is brutal. Be kind to yourself. Take it easy.

Congratulations on your new baby!

My advice is get prepared! Make sure all the stuff you need is stocked up, nappies, etc next to you. Maybe make a sandwich the night before and leave it in the fridge. Get a decent book/boxset on the go.
They can seem long days when it is your firsr baby- but really they tend to sleep a lot so try sleep when they do.

Get your DH to help you “prep” the night before so you can just concentrate on the baby.

Breakfast and lunch in the fridge for you. Coffee or tea in a thermos.

Clean clothes laundered for you and the baby. Shower at night or before your DH leaves in the morning.

Nappies and other essentials stocked.

Your goal is to make sure you eat, your baby eats, sleeps and has clean nappies. I used to put a rocker or blanket on the floor outside the bathroom so I could pop DD down if I needed to.

My goals in the first few weeks were to do the above and get outside if it wasn’t pouring with rain.

But it’s ok if you spend the day with the baby on your chest watching Netflix

Stock pile!
Everything you need at the end of the sofa including snacks, drinks, nappies wipes and everything else.
Put on a box set and sit on the couch with your baby!

Ok this was our routine:
We had a frantic hour in the morning but it helped.

1. DH would wake up and shower and eat breakfast. He would put away laundry, put in another load. Make tea and toast. Empty the dishwasher.
2. I would wake up and feed the baby (no matter how bad the night was). Hand over baby to DH who changes the baby and gets into ‘day’ clothes.
3. In the meanwhile I would shower. consume tea and toast, and get the changing bag ready.
4. Take baby back from DH and finish the morning feed. DH would make a sandwich for me for lunch.

Baby now fed and clean, and I would head back to bed. DH would head out. It meant that when we woke up an hour later, we were both clean and dressed, some basic housework was done, and there was a sandwich for me for lunch. So now even if the day went to pot we were okay.

I then tried to do the rest in 3-4 20 min chunks of DS1 or 2 would allow me to put them down.

1. First 20 min chunk- prep for dinner, do housework, have a cup of tea.
2. Next 20 min chunk- make the dinner
3. Any remaining housework, have a cup of tea.
4. Just a quick tidy up, have more tea in peace!

I also always made sure that we headed outside once if not twice a day, roughly at the same time every day. (Hence making sure the changing bag was ready).

Keep your expectations minimal. If you have only been able to prep dinner but not make it, leave that to DH when he comes home etc.

Stock up on ready meals and anything you can make and eat with one hand. Also nice drinks

The first time in the day that you are up and the baby falls asleep is your opportunity to shower - you can transfer the baby to a towel on the bathroom floor or whatever - if this is late in the afternoon, so be it

Create a "to do" list on your phone with even really small/quick tasks, & try to do at least one thing a day (even if it's only "tidy the kitchen" or "post that letter" or "email so-and-so") - it will make you feel more in control and that you've accomplished something

Try to get out for a walk everyday - aim for 10,000 steps. Hopefully your baby will sleep in the pram/sling the whole time. If you need to breastfeed while you're out, just find a bench and get on with it, the sooner you're comfortable breastfeeding in public, the more free you will feel

I know I sound harsh but you have to just get on with it.
With ds 1 the day after he was born - 10 weeks early - h was back at work. No work equals no pay in the construction industry. In fact the day after I was discharged I was getting two trains into London to see my baby in my husband’s slippers as my shoes didn’t fit. Ds2 was also early so I had to get an hour bus journey to the hospital to see him with a 3 year old whilst h worked. I don’t understand why so many mothers have become needy and anxious. I’m sorry but it is pathetic.
Oh and if your home let your h sleep on work nights.

It’s not needy and anxious. (I had a 26 weeker and I know how the NICU/SCBU routine works). It is b different coming home with a newborn baby from one who has been settled into a hospital routine.
You get to sleep at night sans baby (and no I didn’t sleep much and got up to pump) and you choose what time you head to hospital. That’s not the case with a 5 week old newborn sans the SCBU routine.
I have had a full term baby and a NICU baby. I don’t ever want a 26 weeker again but in many tiny ways his routine was ‘easier’ than my full term one. Don’t be mean to the OP.

Oh do fuck off to the far side of fuck mrspear

A long time ago, but mine is self employed and couldn’t take anytime off for either child. My mum came to stay for a bit though.

I was nervous about it but actually I really enjoyed our first solo day together. As the days passed getting into our little routine was really lovely. You might surprise yourself!

Agree re getting out and about for a walk. I live in a flat so carrying the buggy up and down after a c section was a real effort but worth it.

I ate lots of salads and fruit, plus easy sandwiches and packed lunches.

I liked doing the odd household job and putting a tiny bit of make up on- made me feel more "normal" and together but obviously that's personal.

Enjoy the guilt free TV time! We will never have this again!!! 😄

Xxxxx

If baby and you are fed its a good day. Anything else is a bonus. I had twins and was also ill and had an operation after birth so I know what it's like. I had a local teenager come 3 days a week fir a couple hours in evening to help me with bedtime that really helped. Good box sets! If you've a friend or family member that you don't mi d seeing you in your ojs then if someone can pop round, make you a cuppa and keep you company fir half an hour that's helpful. You'll actually be completely fine it's just the thought of it.
Put the radio on for company and to drown out crying!