Meet the Other Phone. Only the apps you allow.

Meet the Other Phone.
Only the apps you allow.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

When the bully says they are being bullied

62 replies

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 17/05/2019 09:12

12 - 13 year old girls at secondary school. Not many girls in the class but they have been close and get along well. New child, Anna, joined at Christmas and they welcomed her into the group.

At half term things within the group started to get unpleasant and there were fallings out, exclusions and spiteful actions. A couple of parents were worried about this and cross-examined their daughters. It emerged that Anna has been stirring the shit with the others. Telling lies, saying things have been said that hadn't, complaining to teachers about things that didn't happen. Setting them off against each other. Threatening them if they didn't do as she said.

When they realised what was happening the girls were very upset but there were apologies and they made up, as best they could. They decided to have nothing to do with Anna because she couldn't be trusted.

Now Anna's mother is complaining that she is being bullied and excluded. The girls admit she's being excluded but with good reason. The class teacher knows what went on but is trying to persuade them to include Anna again but they won't. They have been forced to do some activities with her in school but refuse point blank (with the support of their parents) to have anything to do with her outside school.

The mother won't leave it alone and is up at the school every week. One of the other parents discovered the reason Anna left her previous school was because of exactly this behaviour.

The girls are fed up with being made to look like the bad guys by the teachers. Shouldn't the teachers just lay off and stop trying to force things?

OP posts:
TheCanterburyWhales · 18/05/2019 17:24

Are you the mother of an Anna by any chance?
Because you're doing a helluva lot of extrapolating and reading things into the OP's words that she never said.

Cottonwoolmouth · 18/05/2019 17:27

Yeah I’m the mother of ‘Anna’ Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 18/05/2019 17:42

I agree, it isn't the responsibility of these girls to manage Anna's behaviour and her mum needs to stop blaming them for her daughters problems and get real help

DaisiesAreOurSilver · 18/05/2019 17:46

Yeah I’m the mother of ‘Anna’

That would explain a lot.

OP posts:
OhLookHeKickedTheBall · 18/05/2019 17:47

My DD is only in year 3 and has an Anna. Anna lost her original friendship group due to her behaviour, so latched onto DDs and did the same thing so dds group backed off. Anna's mum is constantly up at the school complaining about bullying. School tried to mesh the dds group and Anna back together, same thing happened again. Myself and parents of other kids took a stand and said no more, kids need to be polite and civil but they don't have to be friends with someone who treats them so appallingly and has done so their entire school life. Appreciate the school are in a tough position here and have acknowledged that to them, but at the end of the day I have to look out for my child.

Hecateh · 18/05/2019 17:52

this happened to my daughter and she was found crying in the toilets by another girl - who is very emotionally intelligent and has gone on to work in this area. The girl that found her got the story out of DD, this ad been going on for 6 months and I'm ashamed that I hadn't noticed any change in dd at home. The girl took dd under her wing and said she needn't even talk to the bully any more she could join their group of friends (dd is still friends with the girl and a couple of others 25 years on)

The first I heard of any of this was when I, and the parents of the new friends, all got letters threatening our dds with suspension for bullying this girl. I went apeshit at the school. Got a meeting with the head of year and left him reeling, angry but not abusive for once (mama bear in action) I found all the words I wanted and I don't think I've ever been so articulate before or since. No more was heard about it and dd never spoke to the girl again.

SDTGisAnEvilWolefGenius · 18/05/2019 17:53

So what do you mean by ‘meshing the girls back together’ if you don’t mean getting them to be friends again, @Cottonwoolmouth - since you quoted the first half of my sentence but conveniently ignored the second part?

ASauvignonADay · 18/05/2019 17:57

Lots of good advice given but I can't read this and not think: how would Anna's mum's post read if she came to MN for advice? I imagine Anna's mum saying that "the school does nothing" etc etc

cheeseandpineapple · 18/05/2019 17:59

It sounds like Anna needs professional help to help her change her behaviour before OP’s daughter and friends can contemplate inclusion.

That’s the school and Anna’s parents responsibility to sort out.

Catchingbentcoppers · 18/05/2019 18:01

Does Anna need help? Bet your life she does. Is it her victims' responsibility to give it? No.

This ^

MitziK · 18/05/2019 18:31

Let me get this right - the kid's mum is stomping up the school and demanding that they force the other kids to spend their weekends with her?

Doesn't work like that. It would be no different to us being ordered by our bosses to go out with Marjorie from accounts on a Friday night. It's our time off - nobody has the right to tell us who to socialise with. And nobody has the right to force somebody in school to spend their time off with another kid, whether they like them or not.

I think this kid's Mum needs to put her in some out of school clubs - see if she is better at interacting when there isn't the school dynamic/8 hours a day to deal with. And to stay out of it, FFS. Nobody needs their Mum up the school shouting that nobody likes her and they should be forced to pretend that they do.

Boulezvous · 18/05/2019 21:07

Yup I know Anna's mum. Our DDs were at primary together. Her gifted and delightful child was bullied and the other children excluded her. Anna's mum went into school a lot and the girls had to have sessions about kindness and inclusion.

At one point I had to go into school because they told my DD she had to be friends with Anna. I explained that my Dd said Anna spoke to her as if. she wasn't a human. I had advised her to steer clear of Anna. Were they now suggesting that my DD has to be friends with the bully? The teacher looked shocked. Because this issue had gone on year after year and they listened to Annas mum more than they spent time understanding why the girls didn't want to be friends with her amazing daughter.

Anna's mum has been bullied herself as a child. And her child was now the bully. Anna had to change school because of the other girls being so nasty. And her troubles followed her.

Ten years later Anna still has a reputation as a bit of an entitled bitch. So does her Mum.

New posts on this thread. Refresh page
Swipe left for the next trending thread