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Original poster

How long to continue this consequence?

40 replies

Thistledew · 15/05/2019 22:48

DS is nearly 3 and has been reliably potty trained for about 6 months.

He seems to be having a second episode (the first was over a weekend about a month ago) of deliberately wetting himself as a form of protest when he is not getting his way about something.

He did it today- weeing on the sofa in the living room and again on an upholstered chair in his room.

As a consequence he has not been allowed in the living room on his own and the chair has been removed from his room.

How long should I keep up the consequence? Should I make tomorrow a fresh start or should I keep it in place for another day to remind him of what is not acceptable?

OP posts:
ooft · 15/05/2019 22:51

Tomorrow Should be a fresh start. Also I'm not sure about the actual punishment - it's a bit random.
Not sure he'd understand it?

WorraLiberty · 15/05/2019 22:52

How do you know it's deliberate?

NuffSaidSam · 15/05/2019 22:53

I would continue for several days tbh.

And constantly remind him why, not in a cross way, just in a very matter of fact way, 'you can't be in here alone DS because you might do a wee on the sofa! You have to stay with me until you're definitely big enough to go for a wee only in the toilet'.

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Families Potty training
Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 22:54

It's a consequence of his behaviour- if he can't be trusted not to wee on the sofa then he can't be in that room. If he spoils his chair in his room it gets taken away so it can't be damaged.

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 15/05/2019 22:54

I check for a urine infection before punishing a 3 year old.

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 22:58

It's definitely deliberate.

He did a wee on the sofa once - maybe it was an accident or maybe it was because he was cross that his program on TV finished. He told me about it - I told him it wasn't good and reminded him to use the potty and whilst I was getting cleaning things to sort it out he did it again.

Then about half an hour later I had put him in his room because he had got cross and was trying to bite and claw me and he weed on his chair. His potty was right next to it.

OP posts:
WorraLiberty · 15/05/2019 22:59

OK, I was just wondering if when he gets cross/upset, it might cause him bladder control issues.

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 23:01

When he was doing it a month ago we had a full weekend of him wetting himself unless we put him on the potty until I imposed a consequence- I just made him change his own wet clothes rather than doing it for him, which was hard for him as they were wet. He has been fine after that about using the potty.

OP posts:
Mrsb134 · 15/05/2019 23:02

OP, Has your child displayed any other behaviours?
Has he had any other difficulties? . I have a lot of experience through my job with children who display this behaviour. Here if you need support.

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 23:05

He is going through a bit of a phase at the moment of grabbing and biting. He has always done this and it gets better sometimes and then regresses again.

He is otherwise bright, articulate, intelligent, resourceful and independent. I think it is a boundary pushing exercise but would be grateful for any suggestions as to how to address this and the grabbing/biting.

OP posts:
AudacityOfHope · 15/05/2019 23:05

You made a newly potty trained three year old change his own clothes as punishment??

NuffSaidSam · 15/05/2019 23:06

I have had the odd child who deliberately wet themselves when cross. It does happen. It's just a form of protest. I had one who would announce/threaten that he would wet himself if xyz didn't happen. And then just stand there and piss his pants.

We made him change his own clothes/wipe up the puddle and he would lose a treat....soon stopped.

Tumblefluff · 15/05/2019 23:07

Possibly setting yourself up for a fall. He's winning because even though he's being punished he knows he's pissing you off. Which means he'll keep doing it.

Singy songy voice, "never mind DS, accidents happen. Let's get cleaned up." Then go and swear at your reflection in the mirror, eat some chocolate or have Gin

If he doesn't get the reaction he's looking for he'll get bored and move on.

Also, you don't want him to think he'll be punished if he has a genuine accident, because he'll be too scared to tell you.

Tumblefluff · 15/05/2019 23:08

Meant to add, DD went through a phase of it at 3 after nearly a year of being fully toilet trained.

NuffSaidSam · 15/05/2019 23:08

There is absolutely nothing wrong with getting a child to change their own clothes. It's consequence based learning....the most effective kind!

6 months is also not 'newly trained'.

Mrsb134 · 15/05/2019 23:08

clothes rather than doing it for him, which was hard for him as they were wet.

This could be a sensory feeling?! This could be a really hard task for him!...

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 23:09

No, I made a 2 ¾ year old take off his wet trousers, pants and socks because he had deliberately weed and not used the potty.

He is quite capable of doing those things when he is getting undressed at bedtime but it was harder and more uncomfortable because they were wet. It worked as a consequence and he stopped wetting himself for a month.

OP posts:
Chippednails · 15/05/2019 23:10

My ds did this to some extent. What stopped it was absolutely not reacting angrily in any way but as pp said ‘oh dear you’ve had an accident’ and get him to help clean it/himself up. I went through consequences/getting cross all sorts until someone suggested that. Within 2 times it stopped.

RaveOn · 15/05/2019 23:10

It seems a bit harsh for a child who is still 2.

Tumblefluff · 15/05/2019 23:11

We have hitting and kicking rather than biting. She has a quiet corner in the living room which I plop her in, sometimes successfully, often not, for calm down time. If she won't sit calmly for a one minute timer she loses a privilege.

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 23:12

He doesn't like the feeling of being wet, so I was trying to instill that the best way of avoiding being wet is to use the potty! Today he was only wearing light summer clothes so it was very easy for him to take them off so didn't act as a deterrent.

OP posts:
NuffSaidSam · 15/05/2019 23:14

'It seems a bit harsh for a child who is still 2.'

It's not about age, it's about development.

For some nearly three year olds it would be harsh and unfair.

For many others, it's fine.

Asking a child to do something you know they can't do is mean.

Asking a child to do something you know they can do (even if it is a bit difficult or boring or something they'd rather you did) is fine.

Let's trust the OP knows her son well enough to know where he is developmentally.

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 23:14

I tried the 'non-reaction, let's just get changed' the first time he went through it, but it had no effect as there was no real consequence to him doing it.

OP posts:
wheresmyhairytoe · 15/05/2019 23:16

The more attention you give it, the more he'll do it.

I hate seeing kids punished for accidents. They're babies, it happens. Just change them and move on.

Original poster
Thistledew · 15/05/2019 23:17

He can almost entirely get himself undressed and does so quite happily and proudly at bath time and when we go swimming. He just needs a bit of help getting his tops above his shoulders.

OP posts:
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