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Original poster

DC getting themselves to school

68 replies

TheThievingDIL · 11/05/2019 14:58

I've a hospital appointment come through, for exact time DC leave house to go to school. I need to leave at the absolute very latest 45 minutes before. DH reckons DC can get themselves out to school and thinks I'm babying them by saying I'd try to shift the appointment and if I can't beg a favour off someone. They are 7&9 and we live next door to school. They do not need to walk on a road or even pavement to get there. I think they're too young and will lose the key He thinks they'll manage. DH can't stay in the morning as he's leaving early from work to be there for a parents meeting in the evening.

OP posts:

Original poster

TheThievingDIL · 11/05/2019 17:02

I'll just quote PatriciaHolm
You mention on another post that DC1 has special needs.

That would suggest that no, this is inappropriate.

Judging by mention of SN on another thread.

And MaxiBondi
Ok so there is a quite serious issue with at least one of these children if you have both been summons to attended parents evening. That tells you enough to know you absolutely cannot leave your children alone for 45 minutes.

OP posts:

FogCutter · 11/05/2019 17:04

They are far too young to be left alone then to get themselves to school.

My 11 year old (y7) stays home alone for a few hours and gets himself to/ from school. He would not have been ready to do this till Y7.

If you both have to be at the parents evening you will have to find morning childcare (favour from another parent or breakfast club) or rearrange your appointment.

FWIW our breakfast clubs have never been very busy (after school clubs are) so may be worth asking them to take your kids on the 1 day?

bigKiteFlying · 11/05/2019 17:07

Out of interest, what age would it be ok?

11 usually though it depends on the child - sort of near starting secondary.

I do know parents who have done it younger at DC school - nearer 10 - they are usually on good terms with neighbours who are around, very sensible children and other family are nearby. Some of them take younger children - one to another school. It's not what we'd be happy with but they seem to manage.

I'd ask the breakfast club for a one off - or ask another parent for help or try and move appointment.

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Spaghetticarbanana · 11/05/2019 17:08

My DC1&2 are 9&7, DC2 has ADHD/Aspergers (child psychologist opinion but not formal diagnosis yet) if that matters. I absolutely would not leave them alone for that long. They'd probably be on Nintendo when I returned, not all children are the same but mine are definitely not ready to be responsible and would be frightened in an emergency.
I'm also not sure what the school would think if DC told them.
Good luck OP, hope you get something sorted.

Orchidflower1 · 11/05/2019 17:10

I’d just ask another school mum rather than trying to rearrange your hospital appointment. If you cancel that it could be months before it’s rebooked.

Bunnybigears · 11/05/2019 17:11

You still haven't said why you cant approach a friend or a fellow school mum?
I haven't said I won't. It's what I intend to do if I can't shift my hospital appointment to a more sensible time
OP apparently already has childcare covered for the morning do the kids dont even need to be left alone. You would have thought it would be an idea to mention it so we could just say you are right your DH is wrong rather than waste our time offering suggestions.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 17:20

Ok so there is a quite serious issue with at least one of these children if you have both been summons to attended parents evening. That tells you enough to know you absolutely cannot leave your children alone for 45 minutes.

You quoted this post of mine. My post was a response to the fact that, according you you, the school has summonsed both you and your DH to parents evening, indicating there is a serious issue with at least one of your DC. This is referenced in my post. It was nothing to do with your DC having SN.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 17:23

FWIW I have a 9yo (almost 10) with SN who absolutely would manage to get himself ready for school and leave on time (if provided with a clock). It would be his entire focus for the 45 minutes that he get ready by X time and leave by Y time to be at school for Z time. But I still wouldn’t leave him. And certainly not if there was another sibling. Recipe for disaster.

underneaththeash · 11/05/2019 17:24

I wonder if you ask school nicely and explain the situation, they may allow you to do breakfast club as a one off.

I wouldn't leave a 9 year old alone for 45 minutes without an older sibling or the needing to go to school bit.

Nat6999 · 11/05/2019 18:24

What's the earliest you could drop them off in the playground? I know DS primary school the gates were open at 8.00 for 8.45 start. If you could drop them for when the gates open would you have time to get to the hospital?

SarahTancredi · 11/05/2019 18:31

There must be dozens of single parents . Schools cant just demand both show up. Not everyone has family nearby either.

The best solution is one of you go and the other stays with them in the morning.

Original poster

TheThievingDIL · 11/05/2019 18:33

Clarification: i am not going to leave them alone
I said in my OP I would try to shift the appointment and failing that, would beg a favour off someone. I never asked for suggestions as to what to do.

I was wondering if it was something other people (like DH ) would consider ok to do and if I am just being over protective. Seemingly, I'm not.

OP posts:

lyralalala · 11/05/2019 18:36

An extremely sensible 9yo as a one off for an urgent appointment and I'd consider it. Not a 7yo. And certainly not a 7yo and a 9yo. There are, in my experience, often more problems leaving two children than one. The older one takes on a responsible role, the younger one resents the bossiness etc. It's too risky.

Ask another parent for a favour or speak to the school to ask if there's anyway the breakfast club could help as a one off. Most schools will help in a situation like that if they can.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 18:38

Why is DH so adamant they should stay at home alone? Why is it a problem for him that you would ask a friend to take them in the morning?

Original poster

TheThievingDIL · 11/05/2019 20:10

Why is DH so adamant they should stay at home alone? probably because it absolves him of responsibility for sorting anything out 🙄 and he doesn't like asking favours from people in case we're obliged to return it. I'm owed a couple anyway. I will see what the hospital say. I wasn't expecting to be called in so soon as I only had tests 2 days ago. So I don't know if it's (half-)serious, a convenient cancellation or that department isn't very busy right now.

OP posts:

BackforGood · 11/05/2019 20:42

I agree with everyone else.
They are too young, and I wouldn't even consider it.
It is a very normal favour that any other parent wouldn't mind helping out with as a one off.

RedSkyLastNight · 11/05/2019 20:51

DC's secondary school proposed that they opened school to students an hour later on Fridays (to have staff meetings). There were so many complaints from parents that this meant the DC would be leaving after them and that they didn't feel comfortable for their DC to be at home alone, lock up and get themself to school without a parent there, that the idea was quickly shelved. So on the basis that many parents apparently don't think their 11+ age dc could cope with this, you are certainly far from alone in it feeling your much younger dc are not responsible enough.

ILoveMaxiBondi · 11/05/2019 22:48

Surely your DH is absolved of responsibility anyway if you are either A) going to try and arrange a favour from a friend or B) going to try and rearrange the appointment?

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