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Original poster

My DP said I’ve fallen out of love with him and he’s right

48 replies

ItsNotTheCatsFault · 07/05/2019 16:27

DP & I have been going through a rough patch mainly due to lack of money.
I’m working full time & he works 3 hours a week. He’s been looking for work but won’t just take anything because the perfect job might come up.
He’s been waiting for the perfect job since Christmas.
I’m bloody shattered as I shoulder most of the cooking etc at home.
Today he messaged me ‘ I get the feeling you are losing interest in me ‘
It made me stop & think & realise I have.
He asked ‘when was the last time you wanted to jump my bones’
Truthfully I have never wanted to.
As he doesn’t work he doesn’t see anyone, he just watches tv or reads all day.
When we first met 3 years ago he was outgoing & had friends but know he doesn’t seem bothered.
I think he might be slightly depressed.
I want something out of life - holidays, meals out but know that I have to work to be able to pay for these things.
I feel shallow saying I’ve fallen out of love because he doesn’t have any get up go but it’s got to the point I don’t even want to go home .
I feel responsible for him but often think about leaving but feel like I’d be abandoning him.
I also think that any advances I could make to him would be under false pretences.
We are both late 40s & have been together for about 3 years.
He gets very jealous & recently left me in the middle of the night at friends house because I wasn’t paying enough attention to him.
It took me 5 hours to get home via train.
He left me similarly with no money, coat etc at other friends house.
He’s always very apologetic but this time when he was messaging me I just kept saying ‘ that’s the last time you ever leave me like this’
I’m not sure what answers I’m looking for maybe just to get it off my chest.
Friends IRL have said for the past year how unhappy I seem

OP posts:
NarcissistMum · 07/05/2019 16:29

You're worth more than that.

Catchingbentcoppers · 07/05/2019 16:33

I think you know what you need to do. You've only been together for 3 years, it shouldn't be so hard already. I would move on, as pp says, you're worth more than that.

FiremanKing · 07/05/2019 16:34

He’s an albatross around your neck.

You only have one life so choose to spend it with someone who won’t drag you down.

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Dating General relationships Relationship problems
MrsElijahMikaelson1 · 07/05/2019 16:35

Leave

FiremanKing · 07/05/2019 16:35

You are not responsible for him nor would you be abandoning him.

Aquamarine1029 · 07/05/2019 16:37

Oh op, you are massively wasting your life on this man. Just end it already.

PoptartPoptart · 07/05/2019 16:40

If he pulled himself together, ie found a full time job and changed his behaviour towards you, would you feel differently about him? Fundamentally, do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man?
If yes, then you could give him an ultimatum- X months to get his shit together or you’re leaving.
If no, then leave now, otherwise you’re just wasting your time.

RatherBeRiding · 07/05/2019 16:41

Who owns the house, or whose name is on the tenancy?

He's a grown man so can really look after himself can't he? And why worry about "abandoning" him when he seems only too happy to abandon you places and leave you to get home alone as best you can.

He sounds like a waste of space. Doesn't work, doesn't want to, does nothing round the house - do you really need us to tell you that this relationship is a disaster?

MrsMozartMkII · 07/05/2019 16:44

Gosh. Do you want this to be the rest of your life lass?

Singlenotsingle · 07/05/2019 16:44

Dump him. I don't know why you're wasting time thinking about it. So what if you'd be abandoning him? He abandoned you didn't he?

caringcarer · 07/05/2019 16:47

If you don't love him and he makes you feel shit then leave him and find someone who will make you feel special. Just do it.

EstuaryBird · 07/05/2019 16:54

I wonder if the 3 hours a week that he works are sufficient to pay for the fuel and upkeep of the car that he drives off in when he abandons you at friends’ houses....

To be honest he sounds like a bit of a pathetic shit xx

snowbear66 · 07/05/2019 16:57

Sounds like he’s trying to hand over total responsibility for everything to you, even initiating sex!

Erythronium · 07/05/2019 16:59

Five hours to get home by train, and then he did it to you again?

You don't owe him anything. Don't feel bad, dump him.

recall · 07/05/2019 17:00

You’ve never wanted to jump his bones ...be fair and honest with him then. I have been on the receiving end of this ...I’d much rather he hadn’t bothered snaring me in the first place ...it’s very humiliating.

mbosnz · 07/05/2019 17:00

He sounds incredibly passive. And passive aggressive.

What are you getting out of this relationship? Anything?

Sounds like the relationship has gone its length for you.

Possibly, giving him the heave-ho might just give him the impetus to start living his life again, rather than just being a passenger in yours?

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 07/05/2019 17:01

He sounds like a pain in the arse! So he sits around all day watching TV then expects you to do all the cooking when you're home after working all day????

Seriously, what do you get out of this relationship at all? Bin him.

He gets very jealous & recently left me in the middle of the night at friends house because I wasn’t paying enough attention to him.
It took me 5 hours to get home via train.

Please read this back to yourself. Why are you letting him walk all over you?

Because he knows he can.

You deserve much better than this and being single will feel amazing after you get rid of this stone around your neck.

ReanimatedSGB · 07/05/2019 17:02

Urgh, bin him. Life is too short to let yourself be dragged down by a fundamentally useless man like this. You don't owe him a continuing relationship that drags on until you have to wipe his arse for him as well as providing him with financial support and domestic service.
It sounds like you don't have kids, so it's only financially you have to extricate yourself, but it's tie to get him gone and enjoy your freedom.

IvanaPee · 07/05/2019 17:03

What on earth are you doing with this cock-lodging man child?

Get rid. Seriously.

3dogs2cats · 07/05/2019 17:05

No. Tell him couch potatoes carry no sex appeal. Shape up or ship out time.

JaneEyre07 · 07/05/2019 17:05

Oh, you found yourself a prime specimen cocklodger.

You're being walked all over and you're letting him.

Time to ditch the deadweight.

Justaboy · 07/05/2019 17:07

I think he may well be suffering from depression.

Can you encourge him to consult his GP at least?.

Before you bin him off.

Redglitter · 07/05/2019 17:08

Read your post back & see if you can find ANY redeeming qualities in him. Because I certainly cant. Why exactly are you with him

dottiedodah · 07/05/2019 17:08

I think you know deep down this is going nowhere fast!.Honestly ,hes working 3 hours a week (what as I wonder).!.You should listen to your gut feeling telling you to RUN GIRL RUN!.Seriously just because you are in your late 40s does not mean you are too old to find anyone else .Being left in the middle of nowhere ,and all the other crap from him is ridiculous .You wouldnt treat someone you disliked this badly!DUMP HIM ASAP (Dont want to be on Gransnet in your late 60s telling the same story!

Jemima232 · 07/05/2019 17:09

Wow.

I'm not surprised you don't fancy him any longer, the whinging, using, boring financial liability.