My DP said I’ve fallen out of love with him and he’s right

[ItsNotTheCatsFault]

DP & I have been going through a rough patch mainly due to lack of money.
I’m working full time & he works 3 hours a week. He’s been looking for work but won’t just take anything because the perfect job might come up.
He’s been waiting for the perfect job since Christmas.
I’m bloody shattered as I shoulder most of the cooking etc at home.
Today he messaged me ‘ I get the feeling you are losing interest in me ‘
It made me stop & think & realise I have.
He asked ‘when was the last time you wanted to jump my bones’
Truthfully I have never wanted to.
As he doesn’t work he doesn’t see anyone, he just watches tv or reads all day.
When we first met 3 years ago he was outgoing & had friends but know he doesn’t seem bothered.
I think he might be slightly depressed.
I want something out of life - holidays, meals out but know that I have to work to be able to pay for these things.
I feel shallow saying I’ve fallen out of love because he doesn’t have any get up go but it’s got to the point I don’t even want to go home .
I feel responsible for him but often think about leaving but feel like I’d be abandoning him.
I also think that any advances I could make to him would be under false pretences.
We are both late 40s & have been together for about 3 years.
He gets very jealous & recently left me in the middle of the night at friends house because I wasn’t paying enough attention to him.
It took me 5 hours to get home via train.
He left me similarly with no money, coat etc at other friends house.
He’s always very apologetic but this time when he was messaging me I just kept saying ‘ that’s the last time you ever leave me like this’
I’m not sure what answers I’m looking for maybe just to get it off my chest.
Friends IRL have said for the past year how unhappy I seem

Hmm. To me the leaving you miles away is truly horrible. Like you said, that’s a one off bad decision. Doing it again would be a deal breaker.

On the other things, my DH has a phase of this when we was underemployed and got depressed. Once he got back to work full time in a fulfilling role he was unrecognisable and back to his old self.
You haven’t been together very long, has this been typical or is it a (long) blip?

Have you responded to his message?

Not meaning to be rude but do you have self esteem problems? Why have you put up with his laziness?

That's not jealousy, it's control.

As is bumming around on the sofa while you do everything and run yourself ragged.

Leaving me stranded 5 hours from home would be an absolute dealbreaker for me.

To be honest if your answer is anything other than 'Long gone actually' I'd be very surprised.

He's working three hours a week but you're still doing everything at home?? I'd text him a list of people you would jump and make it all chefs, tbh.

If you have never fancied him, then cut the cord, do the right thing for both of you and leave him.

If you have fancied him in the past and it's the cocklodging that's putting you off, fgs tell him that.

But your precious life is too short to waste in this rut.

I can hear the sadness in your OP. This is not the life you deserve. How dare he leave you at friends houses with nothing!
He's a grown man, you're not abandoning him. Get out and start living the life the way you want to.

Why do you feel responsible for him?

Why are you having to take care of all the cooking when he's at home all day? That makes absolutely no sense. As for leaving you stranded on a whim, that is plain old cruelty. I'm sorry he's such a prick to you. You deserve better!

I understand falling out of love, or it developing into loving but less passion. I don't understand why you are with someone you never fancied (or loved/were in love with)?
You deserve better, move on.

Reply “You’re absolutely right. I’ve come to the realisation over the last few months that you’re a lazy, selfish, work-shy, financial liability and your actions and behaviour have killed off any respect and love I ever had for you”.

Sounds like the relationship has run its course...

Getting abandoned at a friend's house 5 hours away from home would be an immediate deal-breaker for me. This is not someone who has your back, this is not someone that respects you, and is not someone who can control his emotions (in his 40s!). Your are worth more than that.

Honestly ditch the dead weight

Being depressed could be feasible but abandoning twice in the circumstances you describe is just sheer nastiness.

Gosh... I know this sounds harsh but you need to leave this relationship. It sounds so depressing. You are staying in a relationship with this man when he doesn't make you happy and you feel obligated to be with him. I think you'd be so much happier being separated. Yes it's going to be hard on the both of you initially but you'll move on and so will he.

3 hours a week 🤔
No way

He sounds like a dead weight. I’m not surprised you’ve lost interest. I’d have far more respect for someone flipping burgers when times are tough than sitting on their ass waiting for an opportunity to present itself. We’re in May! You’ve been supporting him for 5 months!

Get rid. Depression aside (as he does sound depressed), he's jealous and attention seeking and to be honest sounds like a gobshite "waiting for the perfect job".

Working 3 hours a week and has left you at a mate’s twice because you weren’t paying him enough attention?! Fuck off! He’s an idiot. Don’t give him the keys. He can’t afford the bloody petrol anyway! Get rid, OP, he’s a proper cocklodger.

Oh god, you know what, if you leave him now, soon you won't be able to believe that you put up with that shit.

I am so glad you're not married to him.

Some men just cant do the dumping and just start to behave terribly so you have to dump them.
This is now where you are. He's doing everything but say the words. Don't waste any more time on him. Lifes too short.