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What would you do? DS17 and rent.

50 replies

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:11

DS age 17 got kicked out of college a while ago. He works.
Because he is not in full time education I can’t receive child benefit and tax credits for him. I don’t work at the moment, I have 2 other DC. I receive tax creds, child benefit for them and also DLA for one child. Plus carers allowance.
DS17 earns over £200 a week and is refusing to pay anything.
I don’t know what is going to happen with housing benefit or all other money we have coming in because of the fact that DS works. Things are extremely tight here at the moment, I’m essentially having to find the money to support another adult. Plus I’m almost certain that he will be classed as an adult in the household in regards to housing benefit etc. I feel stuck.
What would you do? Am I being unreasonable asking him for a contribution? He is saying he can’t pay anything as he has things he wants to buy/pay for, like his computer.
He only moved back here in February after being with his Dad for a couple of year. I really don’t know wether I am being unreasonable or not!

OP posts:
Sarah22xx · 05/05/2019 20:13

Deffo not unreasonable, he should contribute.

stucknoue · 05/05/2019 20:16

When he turns 18 you have to declare his income and rent for universal credit, I suspect it counts as change of circumstances so he needs to either pay a fair rent or move out. I would work out the cost eg loss of benefits because he's there plus food as a starting point. Normally (if you were working) I would think £50-100 per week but your benefits loss might be more so check with cab for advice

Nnnnnineteen · 05/05/2019 20:17

Not at all, he's being a shit. 50 a week wouldn't break him, assuming he pays his own phone, travel, clothes, toiletries and lunch.

MsRabbitRocks · 05/05/2019 20:19

I’m essentially having to find the money to support another adult.

Who just happens to be your child.

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:21

No he doesn’t pay for his own food and toiletries etc. He uses ours. And don’t get me started on the mess he leaves after his middle of the night sneaking downstairs to cook extra food! The other night, he cane downstairs in the early hours and made 2 packets of pasta and sauce, a pot noodle, and toast! That was after having meatballs pasta and salad at dinner time, followed by 2 apples and a bag of crisps 😫
stucknoue would it still be when he turns 18 seeing as I can’t claim child benefit for him, I’m not sure if that means he’s not classed as a dependant. It’s so confusing!

OP posts:
JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:22

msrabbitrocks yes I know, which is why I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
IHaveBrilloHair · 05/05/2019 20:24

He should be paying rent.
I'll have the same come August with my Dd.

mimibunz · 05/05/2019 20:24

He’s still a child. Why can’t you and his father pay for him?

Rtmhwales · 05/05/2019 20:25

We paid our mum rent in the form of 25% of income when we started working (I'm in North America so was working PT from the age of 15). It taught us useful skills for budgeting and rent planning. She wasn't even on benefits or needed the money, it's just practical and relevant to pay rent when you earn. Just tell him to pay at least £50pw or he can find someone else to live, where he will definitely be paying rent.

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:26

He’s refusing even £20 a week. He has absolutely no outgoings as everything is already paid for him.

OP posts:
hsegfiugseskufh · 05/05/2019 20:27

mimi because he has a job and when you have a job you bloody well pay for yourself.

17 with a job is not a child and op has explained her issues / questions! Hmm

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:32

Also does anyone know if they’re still classed as a dependant when they are working more than 24 hours a week?

OP posts:
CrotchetyQuaver · 05/05/2019 20:38

if he's earning that much money he can go and find somewhere else to live rather than sponging off you and putting your income at risk. Eating you out of house and home and all the time refusing to make any contribution. He can afford to pay someone rent. Or go back to his dad. I'd have no qualms about doing that, he's treating you like shit. Where on earth did he learn to behave like that towards you? If he can't behave like a decent human being then he doesn't deserve to be treated like one, son or not.

Skiptheskip · 05/05/2019 20:42

He has approx £800 a month pure disposable income and he’s refusing to contribute even £20 a week.

Selfish little shit. Where did he learn such a disgusting entitled attitude?

Ok, so sit him down and explain that as he’s refusing to contribute to the household, there are going to be a few changes starting tomorrow.

Change the WiFi password, because he doesn’t pay for that. You’re cancelling his phone contract as of tomorrow. He can sort out his own.

Give him his own food cupboard which you stock with smart price pasta, basic tinned tomatoes, a loaf of bread, beans, a basic box of cereal, you get the idea. Lock all other food away if you have to.

Empty the bathroom of all toiletries and take your own wash bag in when you need to.

No cooking for him, washing, cleaning or driving him anywhere.

Tell him that you have a responsibility to feed and house him until he’s 18, and you will do exactly that, the bare minimum, until he turns 18 at which point he’ll need to find somewhere else to live. Consider that he’s been served plenty of notice.

Stay completely calm and factual during the conversation. And mean it.

Hopefully even the conversation will give him a short sharp shock. But follow through with it and see if his shitty attitude improves any.

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:50

crochetyquaver his Dad refuses to have him back and says its my problem.

There’s so so many more issues with him being here at the moment also, that I didn’t really want to mention as don’t want it being linked to a previous thread. Things are seriously miserable here right now.

OP posts:
JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 20:52

skiptheskip I can’t cancel the phone contract as his Dad pays for it, and he has unlimited data, so he just used that if I turn the WiFi off.
I tell him he can only eat what we do, anything else he can buy himself, but he just comes downstairs when everyone is asleep and eats everything in sight. I’ve even stopped buying snacks for the younger 2, as he was eating them all and leaving nothing for them.
I feel like I’m stuck.
He is just so entitled.

OP posts:
Skiptheskip · 05/05/2019 21:02

Have you taken any of the advice from previous threads?

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 21:02

I feel like I’m being unreasonable, but then get so angry knowing he’s got enough money to buy his own stuff, like extra food etc yet instead he’s spending it on things like £1000 computers arghhh.
I actually just feel completely flat inside at the moment and I need to snap out of it!

OP posts:
JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 21:03

skiptheskip yes I have, I have had some wonderful advice and have taken lots of steps!
Had lots of services involved with him over the last few weeks, after advice form a previous thread. Mumsnet is great sometimes when you just don’t know what to do.

OP posts:
JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 21:04

Stopped posting on a previous thread as DS had found the thread after doing an advanced search of my username, or I’d still be posting. Hence the name change :)

OP posts:
Mayalready · 05/05/2019 21:05

Pick him up a council flat form....

Homemadearmy · 05/05/2019 21:08

You need to check with your council, but usually the deductions don't start untill they are 18. It's a night mare as they deduct so much, I found it hard to get anything from my ds for food.

What would you do? DS17 and rent.
Samind · 05/05/2019 21:09

OP- give him two options. Either he contributes an agreed sum of money each week or he finds somewhere else to live.

When I was 18 and living at home, I paid 200 a month and bought in food shopping etc. My mother and I agreed a sum but I done food shopping or bits and pieces needed for the house.

JustPondering2019 · 05/05/2019 21:17

I think this means he’s classed as a non dependant as I don’t get child benefit for him? I’ll ring cab on Tuesday and find out for definite.

What would you do? DS17 and rent.
OP posts:
ahtellthee · 05/05/2019 21:17

I agree with others. 25% of his salary or he has to move out.

Why won't his dad have him back? How long had he lived with his dad previously?

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