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Original poster

People giving food constantly

40 replies

Home77 · 05/05/2019 12:31

DH's family have a thing about food. I think they may have eating disorders. / disordered eating. They aren't normal about food, it seems to have a special significance.

They are always giving me / us food, things like crisps, sweets, biscuits and cake which they refuse themselves. But they seem to think it is OK for me to eat it and the children!

MIL is the worst for it but the sisters also...this week we have had (and this is after the madness of Easter) - jaffa cakes (two kinds,) kit kats, 2 chocolate oranges for the children, large crisps, and more. I might need to start giving some to the food bank, but then feel guilty about that as it is not too healthy overall.

My DCs are not overweight and don't snack that much, so am trying to limit these treats to the weekends but wondered if anyone else had this and how to deal with it? They can seem quite upset when you don't eat the food given as well.

OP posts:
isseywithcats · 05/05/2019 12:34

maybe they feel that this is good hosting no one wants guests who think they are stingy and in their minds that means offering food or snacks on a regular basis, when my grown up children come to my house after making a brew i always ask them if they want something to eat, most of the time they say no already eaten fair enough but the offer was there

JollyGiraffe · 05/05/2019 12:35

Sounds more like you're the one with disordered eating...

Food is not something that should be seen as 'healthy' and 'unhealthy'. There's nothing wrong with eating crisps and chocolate as part of a balanced diet.

postitnot · 05/05/2019 12:44

They're probably being good hosts... but it would annoy me too!
And food can totally be 'healthy and 'unhealthy' Can you smile and accept and put it in the cupboard for after tea? Then you can limit how much the children eat. Or give it away!

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Original poster
Home77 · 05/05/2019 12:45

Yes i think it is OK to have a small treat now and again but not in these quantities. Do others give their DC all this stuff then? Confused I don't think it is great to give food as a treat generally, to be honest. It's just food...

OP posts:
PotteringAlong · 05/05/2019 12:46

Are poor people not allowed to eat crisps and chocolate?

Original poster
Home77 · 05/05/2019 12:48

Post- I have put it away in a tin and then i'll get rid of it if not eaten. My eldest is fine, not bothered but the youngest will keep going on about wanting more and more of a thing if it is around (will be happy with e.g. apple otherwise) so feel it is best to now just let him help himself. Just being responsible I guess. It's not easy though.

The school don't allow it, (sweets and choc) and the in laws didn't like this!- as couldn't take it to school. I told them it's just fruit...

OP posts:
Original poster
Home77 · 05/05/2019 12:49

Didn't say anything about poor people Confused

OP posts:
ILiveInSalemsLot · 05/05/2019 12:53

They probably just want to be good hosts and show their love by offering food. They might seem upset because they bought the food especially for the dcs?
Just say thank you and leave it.

Summersunshine2 · 05/05/2019 12:55

My family are feeders too.
My mum once gave my dc sweets and told him not to tell me Shock. I was livid! She is absolutely lovely in most aspects of life so I just don't get it. I told her to treat him to some strawberries instead of sweets but she still buys the sweets!

gamerchick · 05/05/2019 12:56

Just give it to a food bank OP and put down give it loads of thought. They obviously have strange ideas about food.

MillicentMartha · 05/05/2019 13:05

You said you felt guilty about giving unhealthy food to the food bank? What’s that all about?

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2019 13:08

I don't understand your thoughts on the food bank?

But otherwise, just politely refuse anything you don't want.

I doubt they really get 'upset' and even if they do, it's not your problem.

Clutterbugsmum · 05/05/2019 13:10

Ignore the 'poor people' comment you always get one person take the least important sentence and complain.

I would give it to food banks, as they will use it rather then you just throwing it away.

My MIL like this but not with sweets but with dinners. We once had a massive Christmas dinner and then 2 hours later when we are still full up from dinner asking who wanted sandwiches.

Clutterbugsmum · 05/05/2019 13:14

I don't understand your thoughts on the food bank I take to mean that OP doesn't want to give junk food rather the proper food to the food bank. As the chocolate, cakes and crisps don't have a good nutritional value. Rather then 'poor people' don't deserve treats.

Original poster
Home77 · 05/05/2019 13:16

Yes as Clutter says I would feel bad about not giving more healthy foods, but junk food we wouldn't want to eat ourselves..(also MIL goes to church where food bank is but that is another matter!) i'd prefer to give something better.

OP posts:
gamerchick · 05/05/2019 13:23

You're overthinking the food bank thing.

lentilslentilseverywhere · 05/05/2019 13:28

Just say no. My parents used to be like this, I just started saying "no thank you" and they soon stopped.

Xiaoxiong · 05/05/2019 13:31

When you say they "give" food what is the context?

Offering the kids and snack and you some biscuits with tea while over at their house = totally normal, good hosting. Unless it goes over the top into Mrs Doyle levels of pushing food on you and creating a massive atmosphere if you politely decline.

Sending you home or showing up at your house with carrier bags full of snacks, not in the context of a party = slightly weird.

GroggyLegs · 05/05/2019 13:35

Food bank - donate. I'd imagine a chocolate orange is a welcome treat for most people as part of a balanced diet & you say your children have treats at the weekend, so it's the amount you're rejecting, not the food.

Some people food = love. My mum smuggles biscuits & chocolate bars into my pockets for my DC when it's their bedtime, they've been filled with sweets & junk at hers anyway. She just cannot help herself and it explains why I was significantly overweight until I left home! But we now have a treat box full to busting in the cupboard, but it means I rarely have to buy sweets or chocolate.

There's a balance between your two families, but the easiest path is to accept with thanks 'oooh well enjoy one of those after tea' etc. & give it away because they're unlikely to change.

Gwenhwyfar · 05/05/2019 13:39

I thought all grandparents did this. Mine definitely did.

eddiemairswife · 05/05/2019 13:42

So many people seem hung up on only giving healthy snacks. You say your children aren't fat, so why not give them a treat when they get home from school to tide them over until teatime or whatever you call the evening meal.

AliceRR · 05/05/2019 13:47

I agree with PP that you haven’t really made the context clear

First I assumed they gave you a banquet of crisps and sweets and snacks when you were at their house

Subsequent posts make it sound more like they come over or send you home with bags or junk food

I think the reference to “poor people” was re your reference to food banks

I actually work with a local homelessness charity through work and they (the representative of the charity that we work with) have said chat what lots of homeless people actually want in terms of food is treats because they don’t get those. People give them food like sandwiches or money which goes on food or drink but there isn’t usually any left for a bar of chocolate

It might be similar with a foodbank. People using them might have money for the bare essentials (or not even that in some cases) but not have an extra pound or two for treats

🤷🏻‍♀️

PotteringAlong · 05/05/2019 13:50

Didn't say anything about poor people

Yes you did, with your food bank reference.

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2019 14:00

I don't understand your thoughts on the food bank I take to mean that OP doesn't want to give junk food rather the proper food to the food bank. As the chocolate, cakes and crisps don't have a good nutritional value. Rather then 'poor people' don't deserve treats.

Yes, I understood that it didn't mean 'poor people don't deserve treats'.

But what on earth is wrong with donating it?

It's not like the food bank will give it all to the same family. There's nothing wrong with food like that in moderation.

WorraLiberty · 05/05/2019 14:02

Yes as Clutter says I would feel bad about not giving more healthy foods, but junk food we wouldn't want to eat ourselves..(also MIL goes to church where food bank is but that is another matter!) i'd prefer to give something better.

So give something 'better' along with it?

You're making a simple donation far more complicated than it needs to be.

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