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Original poster

Anyone else getting less sociable the older they get

27 replies

hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/05/2019 10:54

On the surface I'm chatty and outgoing but I find I can cope less and less well with lots of chit chat and interaction and it seems to be getting worse
My job is people facing and pretty emotionally draining
I used to think I was an extrovert but I'm learning that I'm a bit of mix and I find I'm all "peopled" out more and more and will actively avoid social stuff as I find them quite draining
Not sure what I'm asking really just am I a miserable git or are there ways of maintaining a semblance of a social life whilst feeling like this

OP posts:
mimibunz · 05/05/2019 10:58

Same here. Also in a forward facing role where I have to welcome people and be first point of contact for my department. By Thursday I’m exhausted, physically and mentally. I can manage a social engagement every couple of months, like a bbq or family Christmas. I say embrace it! We don’t owe anyone our time and there are so many books to read! Smile

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/05/2019 11:06

I can cope with close friends in small doses but anything else I find stressful
Yesterday I went for a coffee with DH all nice and peaceful and then a lady sat at the next table recognised me from work and talked at me for ten minutes
I wanted to cry and couldn't extricate myself (thankfully she then left)
This morning I've run away for a coffee and the Sunday paper and some random bloke started chatting with meConfused
I clearly need to practice my RBFGrin

OP posts:
Costacoffeeplease · 05/05/2019 11:13

Absolutely- although I put it down to having worked from home for about 20 years and not having much interaction with people apart from my husband, and he works away roughly 10 days most months, so I can literally not talk to anyone when he’s away, just email and text etc

cafesociety · 05/05/2019 12:15

I am very unsociable now due to circumstance and being treated shabbily in the past. I do like pleasant company though and am chatty and friendly with family when I see them.

I had to adjust to spending long periods on my own, and I have done. I can happily be on my own for days at a time as I've got used to it...but I crave company after about 2-3 weeks.

thatmustbenigelwiththebrie · 05/05/2019 12:16

Yes! Me! I have just been on holiday by myself for ten days (I'm childless). Missed other half a lot but quite happy not to chat or socialise with others.

I find it such hard work.

Home77 · 05/05/2019 12:42

Me too, wonder if it is my age...tried joining the gym for peace and quiet and got a lady talking at me in there for ages yesterday!

madasamarchhare · 05/05/2019 12:54

Same here. I work in a busy, people orientated environment and I have pre teens who love a chat and a DH who loves a bit of noise. I am becoming more aware of the need of a bit of quiet time where I don’t talk to anyone for a couple of hours and if I don’t get it I can become a bit miserable. I don’t have lots of friends more acquaintances and I’m quite happy with that. I would love to have a couple of days away just to sit in a hotel room and read. But I wouldn’t because I don’t fancy leaving the kids even for a couple of days and I know in reality after a few hours I would want to come home!! Sounds like there’s no pleasing me!!

merle1990 · 05/05/2019 12:59

I'm like this. Used to be so sociable when I was younger and now that I have two kids and one on the way I'd rather just have time to myself. I don't see the point of chit chat because it's a waste of time. I have 2 really good friends and that's all I need. If I see another parent at my daughters school I'll say hi and bye and if they start a conversation I'll engage but don't go out of my way. If I'm this way now I wonder what I'll be like in 20 years lol

DarlingNikita · 05/05/2019 13:19

Sort of, but with me I'm happy to do chit-chat in shops and cafes etc. Am less tolerant of social events and people I actually know.

sunshinesupermum · 05/05/2019 13:21

I'm the same OP. Less sociable than I used to be. Happier to 'talk' online most of the time.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 05/05/2019 15:05

Thanks all
I feel more and more that being sociable makes me feel quite drained
At least it's not just meGrin

OP posts:
Home77 · 05/05/2019 15:07

Do people think, maybe having children and a family is part of this also? I guess also these people facing jobs. Like there is only so much before needing some space to switch off perhaps.

ALongHardWinter · 05/05/2019 16:29

Yes,I'm like this. In my twenties and thirties the idea of being alone for days on end filled me with dread. My Dd got married when I was 42,and she and her DH were living with me until 2 years ago. If she went away for a few days with DH to visit his family,who lived some distance away,I would usually go and stay with my DM for the duration of their absence as I hated being alone all that time.
But slowly,as I approached my fifties,I noticed that it didn't bother me so much any more,until one day,I concluded that I actually enjoyed the time alone. 2 years ago,Dd and her DH (plus their own Dd now) got a place of their own and moved out. 10 years ago I would have hated the prospect of living alone,but now I love it! Don't get me wrong,I love seeing my Dd and DGD,but it's so nice to go home after and not find that someone has messed up my nice clean work tops by making sandwiches!

Sexnotgender · 05/05/2019 16:30

I’m not less sociable but I am more discerning and refuse to waste time with people I don’t like.

unicornsrule · 05/05/2019 16:56

Snap just like me
I turned 40 last year
I suffer with anxiety have always hated social interaction
Very introvert need time on my own
My job is customer based

Erosisaprick · 05/05/2019 16:59

Same here. The worst is one of the main requirements of the job is to have good social skills. I do. Unfortunately some of my work colleagues don't. Confused

housemdwaswrong · 05/05/2019 17:01

I've never being really sociable - life and soul in small groups when I know everyone, put me in a larger group and I turn into a blithering idiot. Less sociable yes, but also more intolerant. I turn down invitations now if I don't want to go, whereas in the past I would gone regardless. Nos I am happier to say no, I need a night in etc. I would never have done that 10 years ago, but now I really can't be doing with spending time with people if I don't really enjoy their company. I don't think that's less sociable though, maybe more discerning?

ForalltheSaints · 05/05/2019 17:27

I've been much more willing to avoid a social event I don't want to be at, especially work ones. Time away from work is never long enough, and to be honest, I have some work colleagues who are good to work with, but socially we have little in common.

Drogosnextwife · 05/05/2019 17:33

I feel like this too OP. I much prefer staying in than a night out. I don't really like things that involve making small talk with people I don't know very well, I find it draining. I just can't be bothered.

fussychica · 05/05/2019 18:19

Like you OP I am considered to be chatty and outgoing. These days I find it harder and harder to be that person. DH and I get by fine with relatively little social interaction with others. We have a few close friends and that's enough for us.
I find most people these days just want to talk about themselves and aren't really interested in a two way conversation anyway.

GorkyMcPorky · 05/05/2019 19:10

I did a public facing job for a couple of years recently. I just wanted a change but it made me realise something about bohemian, alternative types. Aren't they bloody smug? Problem is it's opened my eyes to it generally and there are loads of the fuckers around. Give me mainstream, unpretentious people any day.

Yesterday, at a comedy festival, I saw someone playing the violin on the back of a makeshift tuk-tuk while her mate shrieked at the top of her voice at the 'fun' they were having. I could barely contain my irritation Hmm They just seem to think they're so superior.

olivo · 05/05/2019 19:51

Definitely not just you! I dread social occasions, and only agree to go out every couple of months. However, impromptu things always turn out amazingly, for example, an impromptu drink or cuppa.
I'm always too tired for plannedoccasions.

Original poster
hobnobsaremyfavourite · 06/05/2019 18:04

Had a cracking evening with friends last night but today have declined a walk with a much larger group.
Think like someone said up thread I'm just more choosy about what I can cope with and what I'm willing to use what is a small and precious amount of free time
Either that or I'm a lazy antisocial cow Grin

OP posts:
FriarTuck · 06/05/2019 18:11

We don’t owe anyone our time and there are so many books to read!
Amen to this!

happyhillock · 06/05/2019 18:12

I'm the same, not as sociable as i used to be just can't be bothered with small talk anymore, DP was away for 4 day's last week although i missed him i quite enjoyed the time to myself, had normal chit chat at work and shopping etc,

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