What makes someone so selfish are they born that way or is it nurture

[Lardlizard]

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I used to think it was mostly nurture. However after having 2 completely different dc. One massively selfish with no empathy, I’m now a firm believer it’s nature

I agree with who. There's an element of the survival instinct, I've noticed selfish people in my family are merely more skilled at self preservation. It's not in my instinct at all but now that I've noticed it I try and emulate their behaviour sometimes.

It could be both but my sister and I were both brought up the same and she does such selfish things sometimes that I’m actually in shock , so from my experience it’s nature.

I think subtle differences in the way we bring up children have a massive impact.

This is why women, generally, are less selfish.

Society is the parent to us all.

There's an element of the survival instinct, I've noticed selfish people in my family are merely more skilled at self preservation.

I think there's an element of this. But agree women are nurtured to be less selfish. I do sometimes have a discussion with myself about if I really need to be considerate of the other person or if our desires are equal in which case I can say no. My Mum will always put others before herself whatever the situation (and then be miserable) and we've had arguments about it before because she wants me to behave in the same way. For example, we were staying in a hotel and they had messed up the bookings so asked DH and I to move rooms. I said no, we'd paid for our room and it would be inconvenient to have to move and Mum was horrified, she though we should do what we could to help even though it wasn't our fault the hotel had messed up.

Both - no-one has very sorted out the relative roles of nature and nurture for any characteristic.

I'm quite selfish. I have to try hard to remember to offer to help friends and share things etc. (it's quite tiring).
I think it's a mixture of nature and nurture. My mother was always quite protective of her stuff and we were never allowed in her bedroom or her particular drawers at home. Also had an older brother and sister who I had to protect food and toys from so it's a bit of a survival thing.
I didn't start sharing my lunch until I made friends at high school who did so and then learnt share.
My default mode is to say no to something and I have to reset myself to say yes or to say I'll think about it.

My instinct is that it's both too. A natural predisposition brought out by certain life circumstances.

Probably a mix but I agree it'd one of the things where we have different expectations for boys and girls

Define 'selfish', OP.

People have called me selfish. I think I'm just not a martyr.

As an older sibling I was definitely conditioned to put everyone else first. I've noticed friends/partners that have been the youngest can be quite shockingly selfish. Definitely agree girls are tought to be less selfish in general.

It's nature I think. I have two dc one is empathetic and shares easily the other one doesn't at all.

What is selfish is also very much a subjective opinion. I have been called selfish by people who as far as I am concerned, just wanted me to do what suited them best. In that case I would call it standing up for myself, while for them it was selfishness. Who was right? Hard to say.

I think its a mixture of nature/nurture.
Also, I think most families have someone who is "sensitive" or "feisty" or who kicks off easily.
Everyone accommodates the person that little bit more, and enables them to behave like an arse.

Selfish people do very well in life, so they are probably genetically successful (=more selfish people in every generation)

Culture and society also form part.

It's all about the "self" these days in.our culture, people who are worshipped and adored for being completely selfish and egomaniacs include the Kardashians, the Beckhams, the Royal Family (minus the queen), Love Islanders and other "celebs", all Tory politicians, most Labour politicians, Donald Trump etc etc

It's a contagion

I'm naturally selfish. That's why i never planned on kids.
I don't have many friends because i find all the dramas confusing.
I've got a child, and every day is a struggle to put her first. Yesterday, I spent hours reading. She was on her phone. I need ALOT of quiet time on my own.
Sadly, her Dad is more selfish than me and needs more alone time than me. So he's fishing again.
DD can't walk or stand for long so until she has her op, we don't do much.
Me and oh went for a cycle last weekend. It was great to be free.

Hiddenaspie1973 that doesn't sound like you're selfish lol, quite the opposite! I don't think selfishness is liking things your own way, or standing up for yourself. I would define selfishness as knowingly and uncaringly fucking someone else over for your own comfort.

I don't think it is possible to say that siblings have been brought up "the same". Their experiences will be hugely different because of their place in the family as well as other factors - parental experience and familiarity with parenthood etc.

I think it's nature. My sister starts every sentence with I. It's something I took for granted when I was younger, now I see her as used to getting her own way aways and having her family place her in the centre.
I don't buy into the boys and girls thing either, or your place in the family, it's all about each individuals nature.

I agree with those saying nature.
Identical twins I have known who have very different characteristics to each other.
I think we are born with these characteristics but then ofcourse they are then either confirmed or challenged by our experience and society.

It's a mixture of both.

Everyone is born with a selfish/selfless level inbuilt.

Nurture (how you are parented/your experiences with your wider environment) then cause the 'selfish/selfless' level to go up or down.

It's the same with every aspect of your personality.

@NuffSaidSam you explained that much better than me 😂

Idk, it's a bit personal but from the very first moment I can recollect my mother frequently told me I was selfish, that I had ruined her life (think under 5). So when I found the confidence in later life to rebel from her and go no contact she still tells people I am. Where did that begin?

I cannot understand selfish behaviour, to me it a very ugly trait.

But then I find things that others don’t consider to be selfish to be selfish.

For example, at work, sitting around the table at break time, every one gets up to leave, one on the end just leaves their chair out and walks off instead of tucking it in.
No one can get passed until the person next to them pushes that chair in.
That I think is selfish behaviour.

Those who do not ever work as part of the team. They do what they need to do, never offer to help anyone out no matter how they appear to be struggling. If they ask for help, others come forward, never them. Yet they expect help from the rest of the team always.

I don’t think that there is any thought in it at all.

I laughed at contagion.

So true though!

I have known a very sweet and generous young man from childhood. I see him as having a lovely nature, he had two very kindly grandads and though I know inheritance doesn't work like that it seems to in his case!