What makes someone so selfish are they born that way or is it nurture

[Lardlizard]

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I think it's mainly nurture. The human brain is so underdeveloped at birth so there can't be many innate traits
No 2 children are brought up the same. Parents are in a different place, there may be a first child already so the environment is different
Also it is rare that children take the same role. So if the first child is very quiet then that role is taken and the second child usu takes on a different role

I used to work with a princess. She expected to be treated differently from everyone else. Her mood dictated the mood in the office. She was so easy to offend, we had to walk on eggshells
It was a nightmare. When I saw her with her mother it was clear where the behaviour came from
It still blew my mind that, as an adult, she couldn't recognise her poor behavior and change it

A poor upbringing will affect people, just like starving a child will result in stunted physical growth even if they have "tall genes."

@SmellsLikeAdultSpirit how do you explain identical twins being diff then?
Why would your quiet child take that role in the first place?

I think it is in your dna and how you are brought up and external factors that influence if you then “use” your selfishness.

Identical twins are an interesting one. They will always be treated differently though
Perhaps one may cry more because they are colicky or something
They could be labelled as more difficult and carers subconsciously reinforce that
If they have pain there brain will develop differently too

'The human brain is so underdeveloped at birth so there can't be many innate traits'

This is isn't quite true. The genes you inherit will dictate how your under developed brain grows. Traits may not be already developed at birth but the development of those traits is pre determined.

It's like saying that height must be entirely nurture because we're all really small when we're born. Clearly, height is partially genetically determined.

Your environment (nurture) will then decide the rest. Well nourished people will be taller because their environment has enabled them to reach their full height potential. You're always working within the framework laid down by your genes though.

I think its possible to 'turn' someone selfish with the wrong kind of upbringing, but as people have already said on here I think some people are just born that way so a bit of both really.

I think that you are extremely honest @Stayawayfromitsmouth. Not many selfish people I know would ever admit to being selfish to be honest. I know of one who would draw blood to protect her good name, despite being painfully selfish.

I agree though that it is a mixture of nature and nurture, and heavily on the upbringing part of nurture. It is an unusual trait, and definitely celebrated more in some cultures and with some demographics (e.g. girls are chided when they exhibit strong selfish traits)

It's usually both in differing proportions.

I think it’s a bit of both.

My daughter is a kind generous person but sometimes I see flashes of her dad in her who is an utterly selfish narcissist. Breaks my heart.

I believe in reincarnation- that we bring traits with us from our previous lives into this life. For me this explains so many things, including why our babies have clear individual personality traits from the start, even in the womb. So there is a lot that is nature in my view, but nurture plays a part in shaping those traits in one way or another.

Almost everything is a combination of nature and nurture.

How are we defining selfish?
I've been accused of selfishness when I've refused to go above and beyond helping people out. My personal opinion was that they were being selfish for expecting so much.

I think it’s mostly nature, which is then exacerbated by nurture sometimes too.

I can think of two families I know with empathetic, selfless mothers and both families have one daughter who is very much like their mother, and the other extremely selfish and egocentric. I’m amazed that the selfish people are the children of such kind women. So I think it must be innate to some degree.

I believe in reincarnation- that we bring traits with us from our previous lives into this life. For me this explains so many things, including why our babies have clear individual personality traits from the start, even in the womb. So there is a lot that is nature in my view, but nurture plays a part in shaping those traits in one way or another.

For me genetics, a probable scientific explanation, works better and has the benefit of being true.

I used to be very strongly on nurture but the older I've got the more I believe that nature is the primary source of any traits which then get modified by nurture during our life.

SmellsLikeAdultSpirit How would explain the different personalities of a litter of puppies or kittens. Some are greedy, lazy, adventurous etc from the moment they are born and others are the opposite. How they are treated when they behave this way contributes to how they grow up but there has to be behaviour there to either reinforce or discourage.

I was labelled 'lazy' by my mother at 3 months old. When she 'liked' me I was 'laid back' or 'placid' but most of the time, any time I didn't want to do what she wanted me to, I was lazy.

I was in my 40's before I realised how much effect this had on me and I was able to think of myself as anything but lazy.

I am much more placid, laid back, relaxed or 'lazy' than my sister who is driven, focussed, feisty etc etc.

Those traits were innate I am sure but were continually reinforced during our childhood.

As adults (both in our 60s) we get on very well and enjoy spending time together but a weekend is long enough for either of us because our chosen activity levels are so different. When younger we got frustrated that the other was not more like us but have grown more accepting and less judgemental as we have aged. Neither of us is selfish or mean.

In the dictionary selfish is defined as 'lacking consideration for other people; concerned chiefly with one's own personal profit or pleasure'.

Of course opinions will differ on whether something is selfish or not in each scenario. That's why God gave us AIBU.

I'm sure it's partly nature, but OTOH I've known one or two very selfish people who I suspect are like that because they were very spoilt/over-indulged as children, made to feel they were the centre of the universe, and never expected to consider anyone else's wishes or feelings.

They are often pandered to in childhood or were very isolated in childhood from my limited experience.

What about people who think they are unselfish but are actually really selfish?! Is being deluded nature or nurture?

Everyone is selfish to a point. We're all enjoying the benefits of living in a developed country whilst others live with far less.

We are all chiefly concerned with our own interests at least some of the time. Everyone puts their family over and above other people sometimes.

Many people prioritise their need for a car or red meat or a flight over the environment for example.

I think selfishness can come from over indulgent parenting, but also neglectful parenting.

At the genetic level selfishness must have been an evolutionary strength. Survival of the fittest and all that. I think people who have grown up having to fight to survive sometimes develop selfish behaviour as a necessity.

I haven't read much about, studied or worked with puppies like I have humans
I only know there is a window where they need to be introduced to lots of different people and experiences so they don't fear them. That is because of the stage of brain development
A lot of people who appear altruistic can be selfish too. There are lots of different motivations
Like needing poor people so the rich can give and feel better about themselves
Religion is a prime example

I think this is like the film of the triplets that were split up at birth.

There was depression in the birth family and whilst 2 were able to get through with little issue. They had families that were more laid back or unpressured.
It is the one who had the more stricter and distant adopted family who succumbed to depressive thoughts.