Anyone else think their DH is a bit of a knob?

[pinkcardi]

Not a massive knob, I just don't really love him anymore. I'm certainly not in love with him.

He's probably cheated on me before, although not recently. He works long hours so we don't really see him much.

He provides well. I have all the trappings of a lovely life, but it's just a blah.

No arguments. Sometimes he treats me badly and I call him out on it. He's genuinely a good father, probably better than I am a mother.

Tonight he's drunk. He's playing music so loudly my bed is shaking. Our house is full of children and guests. He's just a bit of a knob and I need to vent.

He sounds like more than a bit of a knob tbh OP.

What does he actually bring to your life? And by that I mean, how does he improve the quality of your day to day?

Blaring music that loudly at this time of night whilst there's kids and guests (also neighbours) trying to sleep is unbelievably selfish.

He probably cheated? Bad mother?
Your confidence sounds like it's on the floor.

Yea.....So I came on about to agree because mine hasn't put the clothes away.

You have a serious problem. He's not a bit of a knob. He's a full blown thunder cunt.

He's certainly a knob tonight, but he's drunk as are some of our guests. They're having a good time and it's only me impacted by the noise due to house layout. No close neighbours. He's with some downstairs whilst the others are in bed.

What does he bring to my life: financial security, a nice home (although I'd have wanted a smaller one), kids love him hugely, he is usually kind and caring, he's practical and tidy. We get on, but it's transactional, two small kids etc. Sometimes it's good/fun, rarely awful.

Last time we had sex I hated it. Hated him. Hated him so much that I bit him hard on the shoulder. He thought it was a turn on. It did make me feel better.

I realise that we have a free weekend (without kids) coming up and I would rather be alone than with him

Mine is a bit of a knob too. An angry knob. Good dad and husband on the surface. But not a good friend and actually think he hates me most of the time. Where does one go from here?

Maybe this is a normal cycle in a marriage, the mundaneness.

Sometimes when I'm driving alone I just want to scream and scream, something's bubbling up inside, an itch I cannot scratch.

Yup, agree. Being alone and lonely is better than being together and still lonely

@40Weeks what makes you think yours hates you?

I wonder this too with mine, but I think he actually quite likes me. Or, he likes the idea of me but not the actual person I am (messy, bit lazy, a bit up and down)

It’s just dull. I feel dull and yet I am not a dull person (I hope!) We have nothing to say to each other

@40Weeks do you fantasise about leaving?

I do, regularly check rightmove for houses that I could afford etc.

But then I'd just be lonely and poorer. Whilst he would probably shack up with some young girl from the office within 6 months and the DC would have fabulous times visiting whilst I stewed in my juices, sad and lonely at home with my gin and a cat

He tuts and sighs a lot. Hasn’t ever said anything nice to me. If I cook, he barely touches it but if i don’t cook, he goes all passive aggressive about getting a meal on the table. Can’t remember the last time he said I looked nice and if I look at how my friends treat me....it’s just so different. I wouldn’t stay friends with someone who was so indifferent and dismissive

And yes, I do fantasise about leaving

That does sound grim.

Do you have a plan?

Currently my plan is to make a huge effort and pretend that his indifference to my opinion doesn’t hurt quite so much. I dont want a divorce yet. He is grieving for the loss of his father 18m ago but he wont speak about it to me. So we tread on eggshells....

God, music is back up loud and they are singing along.

Every other bed in the whole house is taken, even in the kids rooms. There is literally nowhere else to go

Has it become worse since his father died?

Mine lost his father 3 yrs ago. I had just suggested that we try a separation, but then his dad died unexpectedly and you can't separate with someone who has just had their dad die. And I was hugely pregnant.

Good that you have a plan, even if it's a 'pretend it doesn't bother me' one, for now

Gina and cat doesn’t sound so bad

But then I'd just be lonely and poorer. Whilst he would probably shack up with some young girl from the office within 6 months and the DC would have fabulous times visiting whilst I stewed in my juices, sad and lonely at home with my gin and a cat

Could you reframe this in a more positive light?

You could be happy in your own space, a lovely home of your own for you and your DCs, having a night or two free each week when they stay with their dad, so you can have a life with friends or a new man who you actually WANT to shag.

Chilling with gin and a cat on your lap - sounds like bliss to me!

Gin ^^

I do want a cat

Get one. They can be arseholes but in a totally loveable way. Not like blokes

Honestly my XH was nowhere near as knobbish as yours sounds but I have been much happier since we split. We’re friendly enough now, spend time together with the DCs etc and I have a gorgeous new partner (well it’s been several years now, but it still feels new because I’m happy with him!) and I don’t mind not having as much money because I have so much more. Divorce doesn’t have to be a bad thing.

End it now, for your own self-respect and the DCs. They know something's wrong. If you're biting him because you hate sex with him so much, how long before you use a weapon?

Problem is it isn't awful, it's just blah. Mundane. Boring. Transactional. We get on ok. We laugh, can converse, pass the time. I just am not in love with him. Sometimes I hate him.

No abuse, no recent cheating, no arguments, no glaring issues.

I can't rip it all apart for boring. Isn't that just life.

If we broke up he'd floor me, he's rich and connected. I'm not either. He wouldn't mean to, but he would hold all the cards.

He says I can have a cat, but on condition that I don't put a cat flap in the back door. He really likes the door, so he says. It's apparently lovely.

So fucking mean..... He likes the door than he likes my happiness.

Of course he wouldn't see it this way. And if I ever said this he'd accuse me of being mental. Which I perhaps am.

I'm going to talk to a builder about putting a flap in the kitchen wall.

I ducking want a cat

Fucking ^