Anyone else think their DH is a bit of a knob?

[pinkcardi]

Not a massive knob, I just don't really love him anymore. I'm certainly not in love with him.

He's probably cheated on me before, although not recently. He works long hours so we don't really see him much.

He provides well. I have all the trappings of a lovely life, but it's just a blah.

No arguments. Sometimes he treats me badly and I call him out on it. He's genuinely a good father, probably better than I am a mother.

Tonight he's drunk. He's playing music so loudly my bed is shaking. Our house is full of children and guests. He's just a bit of a knob and I need to vent.

I have a cat.... you don't need a cat flap. Just get up and open the door.

Yes, hats what my mum does.

But he won't have a litter tray, so cat needs to be able to go outside at all times

Again. I have a cat and no litter tray.
They get very vocal when they want something. They will either shout at you until you get up or go and sit by the door.

Don't over complicate something.

And also you're worrying about the colour of your curtains when your house is on fire.

Just to focus on the cat once more: does it hold wee in all night? What if you go away for the night?

But yes, the cat is the least of my concerns.

I'm just sad. And wish my life was more than this, although I appreciate I'm hugely lucky in many ways.

He's just a knob. And I need to sleep as the kids will be up at 6. Will pretend to be asleep when he does come up.

You can get cat flaps for windows, far more expensive. Why not suggest that.

Yes they can hold pee well. He stays in all night and sleeps on our bed.
I wouldn't allow cat flaps at all as they are not good on glass.

So (and I can't believe I'm saying this) solely focusing on the cat issue alone! I'm with your husband. I was the one who wanted and got the cat. However I would never allow a litter tray long term or cat flap.

When we go away we hire a cat sitter who Visits twice a day.

However. Are you aware that you will need to keep the cat indoors for a few weeks when you get it and that will require a litter tray.

Maybe try some therapy and get a better sense of yourself and how you really feel. Focusing on him means your not focusing on you and what you want and who you are. If you do leave him let it be from a place of strength not a wobble you half believe in. Small kids are a huge drain. This could go either way but the repercussions for you all are huge. Why not see if you can unpick it all first.

Your post struck a definite chord OP
DH and I have had issues around his drinking, I've had all the promises under the sun. 10 days ago was a ultimatum, tonight I rolled in after a twelve hour shift to find him not home, still in the pub. I am simultaneously heartbroken and relieved, I've already done my crying and hand wringing so now I'm sat here feeling oddly detached. I have told him it's over, he's passed out in bed.
Apart from this my life's ok, and would definitely be harder without him, financially apart from anything else. I feel I could be chucking it all away for nothing when I've trundled along happily enough for ages, accepting boring and somewhat irritating in exchange for a decent life (which incidentally I never had so I feel that's part of it)
On the plus side, I'm lying in bed with my lovely cat ❤️

I am so glad I found this thread. Some days I hate DH so much n other days I can't imagine life without him. He is away for the weekend and I have blocked him on my phone. We met in hols last year m got married within a month. Was so happy for 3 months then the fight started. A lot of it my fault as I have real anger problems but he doesn't help my anger. He is a lazy arse and eats too much. Very tall n muscular in some parts but there are parts I hate.. like his man boobs n big arse.. all he can fix by cutting down the food n doing exercise. When I moan about his looks he hit the weights and after a couple of weeks he looks good then just go back to his way. I do all d house work, shopping , cooking etc as he works forever.. wen he is not working he is on the fucking couch. We fight almost everyday.
I think I hate him

You do seem very frazzled right now, but can you not get to grips with what is happening between you and your husband at all. You might like a cat , that won't solve your problems,, well it might do. I have three cats, and a cat flap ha ha. Your husband seems ok,,well for a man that is, but you sound a bit indifferent,and a trite unhappy, so try and sort things out now.

I guess you’ve made a deal. The cheating, the he’s ok as a husband, father, that you get on ok, nice house.

Everything in life is a deal to a certain extent, it just depends if you can live the rest of your life like this. Many people do. Being just ok.

Get yourself a lovely cat,even better, get 2. It’s very simple to put a flap through a wall.

My dh is a knob, but I think I probably am too. Last night he asked me if we would ever have sex again. With no pause I replied no. We will now separate and after 20 years, I feel nothing but relief. He's not a bad person per se, but yours sounds far worse. I'm sorry OP. Escape that burning house. Quick!

Life is far too short to feel 'blah/dull/boring every day.

Marriage obviously isn't rainbows and sunshine every day but it should be more than how you are explaining yours

• oh and get a cat

A man who does not treat the mother of his children well is not a good father.