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Original poster

Surgical Abortion

42 replies

dellrod1 · 04/05/2019 17:21

I know this might be an unpopular topic, but sadly I have found myself in a positron where I am pregnant and decided an abortion is the best option.
I couldn’t get booked in locally for over 2 weeks, and have found a clinic an hour away which will be able to complete the procedure Saturday next week.
My anxiety is through the roof, I just want it to be over. This is a private service and I will pay for the treatment.

I have told anyone about my decision, I can’t face it. Will I be able to do this alone? An hour away from home.
I have planned to get the train to the location in the morning, and then have a friend pick me up somewhere close by after. I can’t even bare to tell the friend why she will be picking me up.
I would love to be able to tell my mum and have her with me but I don’t think she will be able to look at me in the same way again and this breaks my heart that I can’t bare to tell her.
I wish also I could take my partner, but he will not understand why I have chosen to have an abortion.
Does anyone have any moral support or advice ?

OP posts:

MyPatronusIsABadger · 04/05/2019 17:26

I’m so sorry you’re alone in this st the moment. Long ago I had a surgical abortion with the NHS and they wouldn’t let me out of the ward without being picked up by someone, have you made sure they’ll let you? I only ask because the poor woman across from me was trying to find someone to do it for her.
I’m sorry I don’t have any advice, but you’ve got a hand hold.

SandunesAndRainclouds · 04/05/2019 17:28

Assuming you’ll be having a general anaesthetic, you really should be collected from the appointment location and have someone with you for 24 hours after the GA.

Original poster

dellrod1 · 04/05/2019 17:38

What is the process like?
I may have to build up the courage to ask my mum to escort me. I just don’t know if she will be able to look at me the same again, the friend who has offered to collect me from the location is pregnant herself and it just kills me to even think I would have to tell her where I have actually been.

OP posts:

SolitudeIsHighlyOverrated · 04/05/2019 17:42

I'm sorry you find yourself in this position. Are you sure you can't tell your mum? If she objects to abortion on, eg religious grounds, then I can see why you would be reluctant to tell her but as a mum myself I would be devastated if one of my children felt they couldn't confide in me during a time of need. I do think you need someone with you - do you know what type of sedation you are having as there is a major difference between conscious sedation and a general anaesthetic?You may be in no fit state to meet your friend afterwards.
Does your partner know you are pregnant?

SolitudeIsHighlyOverrated · 04/05/2019 17:43

Sorry - we cross posted.

MaverickSnoopy · 04/05/2019 17:46

Why do you feel like you can't tell your mum?

Original poster

dellrod1 · 04/05/2019 17:46

I am 28, so it’s not like I’m a child. I’m in a good place in my life I have a fabulous job opportunity for September, a baby just doesn’t fit in to my plans.
I have been with my partner for 10 years, I love him so much, but he would be devastated if he knew that I was planning to abort the baby. I think it would break our relationship, he would probably be over the moon about a baby and I just don’t feel the same way.
My mum doesn’t drive, so we would still have to rely on someone else to collect us, I just wish I had the courage to tell her. I fear she will not be able to look at me the same way again. I’m so scared to go through it alone, but I really want the appointment next weekend. I want to move on with my life.

OP posts:

Razzles · 04/05/2019 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Razzles · 04/05/2019 17:46

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

MaverickSnoopy · 04/05/2019 17:47

Ps I have been there - surgical abortion over 10 years ago. They insisted I have someone collect me and tbh empirically I needed it. Physically I felt out of it.

Original poster

dellrod1 · 04/05/2019 17:50

How can I even begin to tell my mum? She has bad anxiety anyway so I fear this will send her over the edge.

OP posts:

justforareply · 04/05/2019 17:51

It may not be GA. A friend had surgical abortion and was only sedated. I brought her home by train. Had to walk across a bit of London to get to station, and she was a bit out of it and I felt like a body guard ensuring she didn't get bumped into. Clinic said that if GA she'd have had to stay in London overnight.

stucknoue · 04/05/2019 17:52

It's very quick, I had mine under local anaesthetic and took about 15 mins, they gave me a cup of tea and a biscuit afterwards, and I had to wait 30 mins, change the pad which was inspected and (as I wasn't excessively bleeding) then I left, I told them my husband was in the car park which was sufficient, nobody accompanied me there.

If it's the right decision for you then please try to tell someone as you could do with a confidant, but I realise it's very hard, only my husband knew, I couldn't cope with more kids

McFrostyNuts · 04/05/2019 17:53

I had one about 7 years ago. I'll tell you the process from what I remember.

In the waiting room for a while with others untill your called. I had to fill out a form and discuss this with a nurse (I think) just formalities like allergies, how I'm getting home. I'm sure there was more but I can't remember. Then I was taken to a room with a couple other women and asked to undress in a cubicle and put on a gown. Then I had to wait my turn to be called. Once I was, I was taken into a room with a surgical bed and had to get on it. I was hooked up to a cannula for the medicine to put you to sleep and wore an oxygen mask. Then I woke up in the recovery room with other women. Had to stay there for half hour then moved to another room with armchairs and had to stay there for about an hour (observation reasons). Once they were happy, I had to see the nurse again that I saw at the beginning for follow up questions, I think. I had to eat a sandwich before I left - something to do with the anaesthetic. Then I was free to go.

Start to finish, I was there most of the day.

I wasn't sore or in any discomfort. Bleed for a few days after but wasn't horrendous.

GlitteryPoopooplop · 04/05/2019 17:53

Will you be under local, general or sedation? And who is the appointment with? Local; you should be fine to go home on your own, sedation; definitely not, general;it really depends. Xx

stucknoue · 04/05/2019 17:55

Ps I didn't even have sedation, it was offered but it meant 2 hours obs so I refused. It was not unlike a smear to be honest, just took a bit longer. I don't want this to sound like i took it lightly, I didn't and I kind of regret it but I had two toddlers one autistic and bc had failed

MaverickSnoopy · 04/05/2019 17:55

OP I understand why you feel like that. I told my mum and whilst we were close it wasn't until I actually went onto have children that I felt truly comfortable talking to her about this sort of stuff. I felt that she would judge me or feel sad for me. Now though, I know that she just loved me and wanted to support me.

I would urge you to consider talking to her, even just for some moral support.

As for your friend. I assume you don't want to tell her because she's pregnant. If when I was pregnant I had a friend come to me in your situation for support, my own pregnancy, wouldn't even enter my head.

A termination is such a personal thing and whatever your reasons, they are your reasons and you won't have come to your decision lightly. I'm sure you're not skipping with joy. Please don't worry that people will judge you. Friends and family love us and want to be there for us.

If one of my daughters went through this I would want to be their holding their hand, before, during and after if that's what they needed and if not then I would still be there for moral support. Please try and consider speaking to your loved ones.

therearenogoodusernamesleft · 04/05/2019 17:56

I went to my appointment alone - men aren't allowed beyond the reception area anyway, from what I could tell, so lots of solo women.

I felt very well looked after by the staff, and then afterwards my partner collected me from the car park. The nurse made me promise he was right outside. I recovered well from the GA so I think the only I know is if you don't feel so good.

Depending on where it's happening, could you please your friend it's something else gynaecological? You don't need to tell your mum and it doesn't resolve your transport home. I would confide in your friend or tell her a white lie.

Razzles · 04/05/2019 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Original poster

dellrod1 · 04/05/2019 18:01

I am having the procedure at NUPAS? So I’m not sure what other services I could say I was having especially been an hour away from home.

OP posts:

Razzles · 04/05/2019 18:01

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

dumdumdeedum · 04/05/2019 18:02

Best of luck with working out who can go with you. My only advice is don't base your decision of a job in September, as it might not happen. Sometimes things change dramatically and work can mug you over.

If you live with your partner how will you hide this as you will be bleeding for a good while, it could be up to 3 weeks ( but it might only be a week.)
I think personally I would want to tell at least one person like your mum or partner or even your friend.

jenn88 · 04/05/2019 18:03

I was 21 when this happened to me! I told my mum and she was obviously heart broken but my reasons were valid and she understood! I took my partner at the time with me because he was part of what was happening and he needed to understand the seriousness of the situation and that it wasn't just a flippant thing having an abortion!
I found the whole process fine, however they wouldn't let me out without him and I couldn't hide the fact that I had a GA very well, I had IV's in my arms and hands and I wasn't very well for a few days after!! It's a huge thing to do and I really really really encourage you tell your mum!!!!
I'm am now 31 and TTC, I'm stable and happy and own my own home! My mum has no idea so I'm really looking forward to telling her when we get our BFP!!!!!
Good luck xx

HoppityChicken · 04/05/2019 18:06

If GA or sedation then you need someone, they should insist. I went alone for non-GA, they decided I was 'sensible' enough to get myself home alone afterwards (20 min cab ride), which I was. I felt OK afterwards but everyone is different. However through all of it I had a friend who knew and was always happy to come with /pick me up but I felt really strongly that I wanted to do it by myself. Having someone who knew (and was totally trustworthy an non-judgemental) was a godsend afterwards as my hormones/emotions were all over the place. I never doubted my decision and had also just wanted to get it over with, I also had no regrets afterwards but anything could reduce me to tears for a few days (seriously anything, and I wasn't upset) and having someone to talk to, make me laugh, listen to my nonsense and cover for me if there had been any problems was brilliant and a huge weight off my mind. If you can get someone to collect you that would be the best thing, having someone who knows and will be there for you generally would be a really good idea.

spellingtest · 04/05/2019 18:09

I'm sorry I have no experience of this but just wanted to say to you good luck. You have clearly thought long and hard about your decision and I hope that everything goes well.

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