Recipes that don't work. So frustrating!

[losenotloose]

Does this happen to other people? I've followed two recipes recently which have both been disappointing. One was Paul Hollywood's carrot and almond cheesecake (not keen on the texture and fairly bland) and Delia Smith's chocolate mascarpone cheesecake (not as bad as the first one but the description promised a lot. Needed more sugar imo).

So, tell me this happens to you and I'm not just a rubbish cook!

My breadmaker consistently makes the most awful bread regardless of which recipe I use or how much I tweak it. I could have built a house with the bricks it has produced. Am sure it didn't do this before but stopped using it for a while and now it is awful.

I only use my bread maker for dough now, have arthritis in my hands so can't knead. It makes a great focaccia!

ImportantWater risotto - me too until I read a felicity cloake piece in the guardian on the perfect risotto. I wasn't cooking it at a high enough heat .... turning the heat up made all the difference.

There's a Nigel Slater crumble recipe which is 80g flour, 80g sugar and 85g butter. How can that possibly work?! I'm a butter lover but that those ratios just don't work for a crumble.

With crumble like that you'll just end up with shortbread.

Paul Hollywood's recipes seem to be shit I've used a few for his bread
I like Leith for bread / baking
Such a shame when you've used up time and ingredients for something rank

@HebeMumsnet I know 😂😂😂

Hugh FW has a filo, courgette and rice parcel in his Veg book (which is otherwise brilliant) - the liquid from the courgettes is meant to cook the rice, but it just doesn't. Gross raw ricey bland crunchy mush is the best way I can describe it.

@nilcarborundum - I'd love your recipe for focaccia, if you are happy to share it, please.

I've never had a failure with Delia. I am also very fond of Lindsay Bareham - Just One Pot is a great book of hers & she has a recipe in the Times every day & they are all easy & interesting.

Yep, I'm having a humus nightmare this morning and not quite sure to go with it.
I have just about managed to get it to the right consistency, but in order to for this I had to add water to enable me to actually blend it on the Nutri bullet and not turn to concrete. So the flavour has diminished....at a complete loss 😫😫

I had an utter fail with a Tom Kerridge soup recipe. It said to add red wine vinegar to the veg and cook down. I followed the instructions, soup took hours and when DH walked in he said 'phew, what's that stink?'

I'd successfully made vinegar soup. It was rank.

I actually met the big man himself when eating at his pub later on and asked him where I'd gone wrong. He laughed (nicely) and said I hadn't cooked it down for long enough.

Tried again, more vinegar soup. Gross. Tried again a third time substituting the red wine vinegar for veg stock and it was divine.

Not cooked down long enough my arse!

I made these once:

www.bbcgoodfood.com/recipes/1912638/salted-caramel-choc-pots

and, as another reviewer said, "I only wish I'd read the reviews first". They were the saltiest, sickliest, most disgusting thing I've ever tried to eat. It obviously wasn't just me. Fortunately it was only a casual meal with a good friend so no harm done. Apart from a few lost fillings.

I don't rate Paul Hollywood's bread recipes - the best one I have tried is a BBC good food easy all in one job. Bang everything in, knead and prove. Works every time.

I've not had a bad recipe out of Jamie's 15 minute meals, although he does have a bad habit of asking for random ingredients that you need one teaspoon of, never to use again. The 5 ingredients book is a good idea but I have found that hit and miss. I did the spicy beef and cauli rice last night and when tasting to season it was a bit bland. I think the combination of few ingredients and quick cooking times doesn't always work.

Bourbon don't add too much water, add lemon juice and olive oil instead! Mostly lemon juice!

I made a Prue Leith soup once when the DC were tiny. Lots of effort and expense to get all the ingredients, much faffing about, and an end result like slightly seafood-flavoured dishwater. Cookbook=>charity shop.

I've also made a dud fish curry (curry? Or yellow fish stew?)

Good Housekeeping cookbooks are reliable and varied. Nigella's cakes are ace.

I don't use Delia anymore, not because recipes don't work but because I don't like the end result. Always too bland/watery/weak for me! I find myself doubling the garlic, spices, salt, cooking times to concentrate sauces etc. Just not to my taste. Some Nigel recipes are also almost too simple for me and therefore only work with the absolutely best quality and most expensive ingredients out there.

Jamie recipes I always love the taste, but have learned through bitter experience to halve whatever liquid he says to add and then cautiously add more if needed. Otherwise too watery/liquidy, particularly with tomatoes. I have wondered if his team use a very very dry brand of tinned tomatoes in their testing, hence always adding extra liquid.

Nigella has misprints for measurements in many books with the exception of her first one, How to Cook. That book is 100% rock solid. I have a suspicion she wrote and tested that one herself without the pressure of a deadline because she wasn't a famous TV cook yet, just a journalist, whereas the later ones were rushed to come out in conjunction with a TV programme.

Delia's usually work for me.

Good housekeeping recipes are very good too or stork cookbook

I've never had a bad recipe from the BBC Good Food site.
I grew up with Betty Crocker who is a fictional American Delia, adjusting for taste (late 60s Midwest US tastes were for the bland), so was used to doubling the garlic and chili. Then I got a new edition and a local Caribbean greengrocer and the resulting salsa was inedible even for the lads who liked a vindaloo...

My DD and I have been using the Joe Wicks veggie plan, but god the recipes are bland if you follow them to the letter. I've had to majorly adapt the spicing to give it some ooomph and flavour!

And I hate Delia recipes..... 25 steps to get to the same stage that Mary Berry does in 6.

Felicity Cloake’s recipes always work and are always delicious. Tonight we had Perfect Goulash and it was gorgeous. I love the whole concept of testing everyone else’s on the reader’s behalf. Her Bakewell tart is absolutely to die for.

Felicity Cloake's gingerbread biscuits. I have just eaten a whole batch myself.

I think she really does try all the different recipes and work out her own ultimate version.

www.theguardian.com/food/2018/dec/05/gingerbread-biscuits-decorations-recipe-felicity-cloake

Disclaimer, my definition of a whole batch is one trayful; I freeze the dough in sausages and defrost for half an hour, then slice them into rounds for cooking.

Any recipe which says "fry the onions for 5 minutes, until they are transparent"

That would be more like 25 minutes.

Yes, Choccy EVERYONE lies about onions.

I must confess that I very rarely follow a recipe exactly. I'll look at a couple of receipes for the same thing, average out the ingredients and taste (where possible) as I go.

I recently made rock cakes not very exciting following a recipe in my late mothers' cookery book. She'd amended the recipe to increase the amount of liquid but I started by using the quantity that it said. Needless to say, she was right and I ended up making it to her specification.
I do tend to jot down on things what has been right/wrong (or where I've increased/decreased ingredients) if it is something I know I'll make again.

@Xiaoxiong thanks for the advice, I think I will have another go and leave them simmer a bit longer I ended up adding a bit of paprika to taste, but will definitely isle lemon juice next time, thanks again

Anything I've ever made by Jamie Oliver has always turned out bland and tasteless.
Nigella is good though.