Answering DH stupid questions

[BummyKnocker]

DP asks me stupid questions all the time and I've zero patience.

For instance, yesterday, he helped DD with her homework which was due in today and then he came to me and asked me should he put the homework book in her bag. When I say why are you asking me, you must know it needs to go in the bag, where else would it go and he gets tetchy and says why can't you just say yes.

It starts to rain, heavily, he asks me should he take the washing in.

It is mid winter, it is cold, he asks me if he should light a fire.

I buy him his favourite yoghurts in the weekly shop, he goes to fridge and says 'can I have one of these yoghurts' I say they are for you, why are you asking me and I say I'm not your mother. He gets angry when I respond like this but it just drives me bonkers.

If the kids aren't there sometimes I just pretend I never heard him.

I have asked him not to ask me these stupid questions all the time but he still does. Worse is that really important stuff he doesn't ask me so one day I came home and he had cut down all the foliage in the garden and ruined it. He also spends money we don't have but that is a whole other thread.

I don't know why I'm writing this really, I just want to manage this stupid behaviour without losing my rag.

Actual picture of you and your husband.

That’s what he sounds like to me!

You have my sympathies. This is an actual photo of me and my H. I pretend not to hear sometimes too.

This sort of thing drives me absolutely bonkers. You’re not his mother and you’re not his ambulatory brain.

I'm waiting for the "you sound controlling" brigade to turn up!

That would drive me mad too op

I started answering everything with "I don't know" it seems to have helped.

In a previous thread someone said they ask why the question requires having a uterus to answer it or something!

My husband and I will go to places where neither of us have been to and he will ask me where the toilets/cafe/shop/whatever is.

How the fuck do I know? Use your own eyes.

Just Parrot it back to him every time
'I don't know should you take the washing in?'
Do not give an answer just throw his question back to him, imagine it's a game of tennis just wallup that ball right back over the net to him

And then report back to let us know how you get on and we will provide further coaching if you need it 😊

Don't answer aggressively or sarcastically or with any kind of emotional tone because he will enjoy that
just grey rock it right back over the net to him

Or give him the opposite to what he wants to hear.

Can I have a yoghurt. No.

Where are the toilets. 5 miles in that direction. Bye.

Where shall I put the homework? You’ll have to drop it in to the teacher in your way to work.

So many options, you can have lots of fun OP

Oh god, does my DH have a clone??!?

He drives me ROUND the bend with his questions.

I told him the other day that if there was an Olympic event for stupid questions, he'd get the Gold, Silver and Bronze

This would drive me mad as well.

Why can't men just do a chore without expecting a bunch of attention for it.

I would just say ‘I don’t know. Why don’t you use your adult brain to figure it out.’

Or, what someone above suggested, say exactly the opposite of what he already knows or should know:

‘No, leave the washing out, I want it to get soaking wet again.’

‘No, don’t put the homework into the book bag, I think you should mail it to the school.’

‘No, you can not have a yogurt, you need to wait til after dinner, then you can have a pudding.’

Or even better, just one word. Yes or no, but always the opposite to the very obvious answer.

Stupid behaviour. So unattractive in a grown man.

He's standing outside by the recycling bin with a carton in his hand shouting through to me in the living room to ask if it can be recycled!
ITS IN YOUR HAND!!!

Oh come on people this is a just a very transparent technique designed to make you feel as if everything is your problem to solve
Stop enabling them, just shrug it off, don't respond

Yes that’s exactly what it is.

But as they’re prepared to employ such pathetic tactics and don’t mind looking utterly stupid with it, I’d play along without actually letting them get what they’re looking for.

Hence I’d use either the first tactic I mentioned above, which directly addresses what they’re attempting to do, or the last, which would probably be more satisfying.

When my DH asks me these questions, I either reply that I'm not sure or remind him of the mental load.

He is much better.

As a last resort drop him off at an adult baby crèche.

www.mummygrace.co.uk/the-story-of-little

Had a big row with dh about this recently. He didn't get it. He just thought I was getting very tetchy about one particular and pretty minor incident. Anyone's allowed to ask a stupid question, but it's the build up of this type of thing that's so frustrating.

We spoke of this topic in great detail at least twice today. And we came up with a solution together. So yes, I'm going to get annoyed if you ask me a question as if this is the first time you're hearing of this.

These threads always baffle me. The DH's can't win when they face trial by Mumsnet!

From the OP:
really important stuff he doesn't ask me so one day I came home and he had cut down all the foliage in the garden and ruined it.

This is probably exactly why he feels the need to ask about everything; he's been flayed alive before for not asking. I don't call it asking silly questions, I call it communication; or possibly he feels the need to cover his back. Perhaps he has every intention of taking washing in anyway, but feels he should check first, to be on the safe side, in case you thought in needed an extra rinse. When he asks his question, he's probably expecting the reply "yes please".

When he asks if he should light a fire, he probably really means "would you like to have the fire on, or should we be thinking about our carbon footprint?" For all he knows, you'll next be writing "AIBU to tell my DH not to light fires, because it's bad for our carbon footprint"?

I bet many of those ranting on this thread also say "you should have asked first" in equal measure, both to DH and DC.

I remember this dilemma when I was a child. Some teachers would say "you should have asked first", others would say "that's a silly question". Some teachers would use both phrases, sometimes in the same breath.

My rule is: if in doubt, check.

First two examples are irritating. I would just repeat the question back at him. 'I don't know, what do you think you should do?'
With the yoghurt I think it is reasonable to check they are for him and not for certain meal or guests.

Worst still when he shouts the question up the stairs, the tv is on, the washing machine is on and I’m still expected to hear and respond. I quite often ‘can’t hear’.
“What’s the plan”. Managed to kill that one by answering “no idea” every time...

Luckily for me my OH isn’t an idiot manchild and doesn’t expect me to take a mummy role with him, he also wouldn’t do anything ridiculous like cutting back foliage without actually knowing what he’s doing. I’ve never had to utter the words, ‘you should have asked first’ to him.

Thanks for these responses. I don't know whether to be glad or sad that I'm not alone.

His excuse is that he is checking or 'you know more about these things,' but I don't, I just get on with it. He doesn't need to keep on with the questions, I've asked him not to.

I've done the sarcasm too, so when he asks about the kids stuff he should know like what time school starts I've said 'let's ask one of their parents!'

I'm going to try the nonchalant 'I don't know' or 'whatever you think' or ' it's up to you' whilst screaming silently inside. 😤

Oh my goodness I feel you.... my DH is always asking me things like 'where are DDs baby grows?' Or 'where are DSs socks?' IN THE SAME DRAWER THEY HAVE BEEN IN FOR A YEAR AND WHICH I POINTED OUT TO YOU WHEN I PUT THEM IN THERE TO BEGIN WITH!!
oh and 'should I dress DS in a short sleeved tshirt?' HES YOUR CHILD TOO, LOOK OUT OF THE WINDOW AT THE WEATHER AND THEN THINK TO YOURSELF WHAT SHOULD MY CHILD WEAR TODAY TO BE COMFORTABLE IN SAID WEATHER!!!