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Original poster

To be envious of this attitude?

47 replies

SylviatheSnail · 29/04/2019 18:37

I work with a lovely woman. We were talking about families etc today. She said she never does anything she doesn't want to i.e. Any invites she doesn't want to go to or family she doesn't want to see. I asked her if it was ever awkward but she said no she's her main priority and will remain that way. I'm jealous she's like this she seem s happy whereas I feel a bit bitter that I do a lot I don't want

OP posts:
Drogosnextwife · 29/04/2019 18:38

Yes but in time she will regret it.

FindYourCentre · 29/04/2019 18:41

Sounds bloody great to me! I fell out with DB over my choice of DH, still had to invite him and his in laws to my wedding (wouldve rather the lot of them hadn't come tbh!) Now gonna have drama over not wanting him at DDs bday, wish I could tell everyone to f off! Good for her,!

AlexaAmbidextra · 29/04/2019 18:41

Yes but in time she will regret it.

Why?

Hollowvictory · 29/04/2019 18:41

Ive started doing this more. If I don't want to go to something, I don't go.

RomanyQueen1 · 29/04/2019 18:44

Why can't you do what you want? If you don't want to go somewhere well don't.
Nobody makes anybody do anything unless they hold a gun or knife to you.
Life's too short to live it for others, it's your life and as long as you aren't hurting anyone, make your own choices.

Singlenotsingle · 29/04/2019 18:45

Sounds fair to me. Somewhere along the line, you've got to put yourself first, even if you're a woman!

Lungelady · 29/04/2019 20:21

She sounds like me! Why do things out of Duty and be a martyr?

feistymumma · 29/04/2019 20:22

It's the only way to go, trying to please everyone is just not doable.

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 29/04/2019 20:27

I started doing this around 10yrs ago and haven’t looked back, have no regrets and feel happier in myself.

Zoflorabore · 29/04/2019 20:29

I'm also like this but it has caused issues and tension within the family.

Out time is one thing we will never get back and I prefer it doing things I enjoy etc and spending it with people i like.

I do like the phrase that gets trotted out on here a lot- "it's an invitation not a summons"

Sometimes it's good to be selfish instead of trying to please everyone else- but yourself.

feduuup · 29/04/2019 20:30

I'm like this, too many women think they have to put themselves last, I am responsible for my own wellbeing. Obviously there's a balance between that and not being a dick, just have to apply a bit of tact.

GunpowderGelatine · 29/04/2019 20:40

God sounds marvellous! Good for her. I get so anxious about what I should and shouldn't go to, and guilt about saying no to people, I often find myself trying to squeeze so much in in order to not let people down.

However I did have a bit of a revelation a while ago, I had taken my then 1 and 4yo kids to see Peppa Pig Live at the local stadium before rushing to a school soft play party. Told another school mum about it and how painful sitting through Peppa Pig was, and that I'd spent £36 on 2 balloons and 2 flashing pieces of tat. she said "See I've never taken mine to anything like that and they're fine. Life's hard enough without that bother. You don't have to do everything you know". Sounds daft but I was Shock and in the 2 years since I've scaled back hugely on "day out" treats. And she's right, the kids are fine!

Original poster
SylviatheSnail · 29/04/2019 21:47

I'm too much of a people pleaser I think! I asked her if she'd had therapy but she said no!

OP posts:
CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 29/04/2019 22:20

Saying no thank you, I’m ok here by myself and it’s ok I’m happier having me time, you go and have fun and we can catch up in 2099 was my therapy!

TwitterQueen1 · 29/04/2019 22:31

I try to practice this as much as possible - it's a far healthier attitude than people-pleasing and in my not so humble opinion is a productive way to develop self-esteem and develop self-confidence.
.

OneFootintheRave · 29/04/2019 22:49

Yep. This is a great attitude. I try to practice it as often as possible Grin

Especially regarding in-laws and their dinner invites which invariably end up with them bitching about their other DiLs. I refuse to get drawn in and usually it's easier to just let DP go on his own.

TwitterQueen1 · 29/04/2019 22:58

Why do you do a lot you don't want OP? What is the point of that?

You can still be kind and generous and decide that you're doing to do something nice because you want to. But doing something you don't want to do for no good reason is madness.

OldAndWornOut · 29/04/2019 23:00

I rarely do anything I don't want to.
I think only my employer is the boss of me.

Catchingbentcoppers · 29/04/2019 23:05

I wish I could do this more but I'm a dreadful people pleaser. Having said that, I've gone to lots of events that I really couldn't be bothered to but went for someone else, and had a brilliant time anyway. I do think sometimes its ok to do something to make someone else happy.

CheekyFuckersDontGetPastMe · 29/04/2019 23:06

OldAndWornOut Mon 29-Apr-19 23:00:33
I think only my employer is the boss of me.

Very true!

Geraniumpink · 29/04/2019 23:13

I’ve done this and made myself most unpopular as a result- rocking the boat by going away for Christmas etc- but I think it’s worth it for the mental freedom it brings. I’m not particularly family orientated anyway - I have little in common with many of mine other than the blood relationship. It’s odd really, because in other areas I am a pushover!

Davros · 29/04/2019 23:20

I do a bit of both but try not to be rude or upset people which can mean a few light porkies

OldAndWornOut · 29/04/2019 23:25

I will do things as favours, but I absolutely abhor going out when I don't want to, to places I don't want to go to.
A friend and I fell out years ago because I told her I would never ever be going clubbing again as there was nothing to interest me at all.
I find its better to politely decline than work myself up into a ridiculously angry state about having to get dressed up and ponce about doing something I don't consider fun, relaxing or 'my cup of tea'.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/04/2019 08:02

Oldandwornout, ditto to all that exactly.

I've also declined trips abroad that dh was keen on - e.g. WW1 battlefields - to me just so sad and depressing. Luckily he's perfectly happy to go on his own.
The other day it was the Marathon - a whole swathe of my family went off together to watch it - and I had a few hours of blissful peace at home..Smile

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 30/04/2019 08:07

Should have added, when those irritating people say, 'Go on, you'll enjoy it!', I have absolutely no problem any more saying, 'No, I won't, so it's still no thanks.'

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