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Original poster

Your views on this inheritance situation, please

85 replies

inheritancewoes · 29/04/2019 15:52

I've name-changed as some friends in real life know my usual username. I do welcome all views on this because I feel I have lost perspective on it slightly and am feeling really hurt and upset, far more than I thought I would.

A few months ago my grandmother told me that she wanted to sell her holiday cottage as she rarely uses it now and give the proceeds of the sale to me and my cousin (we are both only children, no other grandchildren for her to consider, she did not want to share the money between our parents as they will be receiving the bulk of her estate when she dies). The cottage is in a very nice part of the country popular with tourists and worth about £400k. I told her that the money is hers and she should spend it on herself, she insisted that she has enough money (I believe she is quite comfortably off) and she wanted to gift it to me and my cousin with the expectation that she will survive another seven years and we won't have to pay IHT,

I didn't hear anything more about the plan for several months and thought that she might have changed her mind but, again, in February, she brought it up and said that she might sell it but it might be easier to transfer it to me and my cousin, would I be interested in taking it on? I said that it was very generous but, as it is a long way from where I live and I don't want the responsibility of running it as a holiday let, it would be better if she sold it, imo. She asked the same question to my cousin who was also visiting her - I don't see my cousin that often - and she said that she'd like to take it on. Fair enough.

I assumed that my cousin would be buying me out but I have since found out that the entire cottage has been transferred to my cousin and no mention has been made of her buying "my" share. I accept that this is partially my fault as I should have clarified what would happen if one of us wanted to take over the cottage and the other didn't but I can't help feeling hurt that I have been completely written out of this. (I also accept that this is my grandmother's property and she is free to do as she pleases with it but that doesn't diminish the feeling of disappointment.)

In case this is relevant, both my cousin and I are settled with our own homes and children. I am an average earner, my cousin has qualified in a very niche sector and is a high earner. I love my grandmother and don't want to fall out about this gift but it is eating away at me that she has shown such favouritism. Opinions please on how I can broach this with my grandmother without sounding accusatory and/or grasping or whether I should just shut up and put up?

OP posts:

FreshAprilStart · 29/04/2019 16:35

Unless you are very rich, I can't see how this has been a fair outcome. I'd be gutted! That's 200k you've lost out on.

Ask the cousin what the deal is as last conversation was that it was to be sold and halved.

Just ask! Unless you're not missing 200k.

Eateneasterchocsalready · 29/04/2019 16:35

I'd also ask her outright but it does sound a little like you poured Water over a very nice proposition.

Maybe she felt you sounded ungrateful and whilst your trying to be polite about it, it's been a huge worry for her and she's Been wanting to off load it.

Instead of thrashing out details on how to help her, you've Been focused on politeness Etc and she wanted to get rid.

Just have an awkward chat...it will clear the air.

2018SoFarSoGreat · 29/04/2019 16:44

oh it does sound like this situation has been resolved, and not in your favor.

This reminds me of my 40th birthday, when I told DH I wanted to replace my tiny diamond engagement ring with something bigger. He asked me several times - are you sure you want a ring, and not earrings? I said nope, ring please.

On the day I was presented with one of MIL's diamond earrings. To make into a ring. My SIL got the other one, so also got a lovely ring made. These were two prior generation MIL to DIL family heirlooms, and I missed out by my insistence on a ring. Ah well. Hers to gift as she wanted.

nauticant · 29/04/2019 17:04

Your GM probably felt like you'd provided her with two options:

selling the cottage and splitting the money; or
handing the cottage to the next but one generation.

For her 1) would have been a pain in the arse and 2) would have been very simple for her to arrange. So she went for 2).

Unless you have the sort of relationship with her where you are free to raise such matters and she's the type of person who would be happy to engage, I'm afraid you'll have to chalk this one up to experience.

Your GM hasn't actually done anything wrong. She's simply followed what she understood you were telling her.

cushioncovers · 29/04/2019 17:14

Come back and update us op. I feel for you if you've actually missed out on your half. ☹️

EdtheBear · 29/04/2019 17:15

You need to ask Granny.
I'd be tempted to act daft, pretent not know that its already been handed over "Granny I was thinking about the cottage, cousin and I could run it using Airbnb, are you still thinking about handing it over"

Crinkle77 · 29/04/2019 17:20

I would shut up and put up I'm afraid.

Original poster

inheritancewoes · 29/04/2019 17:43

I just didn't want to be grabby but I did say my preference was to split and have half the proceeds. I guess I'm going to have to have that awkward conversation and see how it goes or forever wonder if my Englishness stopped me from receiving a six-figure sum . I suppose the best outcome would be if my name can be added to the deeds (the cottage has definitely been transferred to my cousin and my DGM no longer owns it).

OP posts:

snowdrop6 · 29/04/2019 17:47

Your cousin will probably sell it herself

KateyKube · 29/04/2019 17:51

You need to speak to her and indicate that this is likely to cause a permanent rift between you and your cousin and your two families. You thought she was selling and sharing the proceeds, but she’s just gifted the whole lot to your cousin.

FellaGoneRogue · 29/04/2019 17:52

No advice ... just ouch!

HollowTalk · 29/04/2019 17:53

That is shocking! It was hardly the last slice of cake that she was asking if you wanted - it was a house worth hundreds of thousands of pounds! Could your parents say anything?

NorthEndGal · 29/04/2019 17:54

Just call her, she is you Fran, and loves you

NorthEndGal · 29/04/2019 17:55

Your. Gran
Omg
Autocorrect sucks

Accountant222 · 29/04/2019 17:56

I'd speak to your cousin, say the asset was for you both. I appreciate you didn't want the responsibility of a holiday let, due to distance, but she did.

Property should have gone in joint names, but as cousin will be dealing with holiday rentals, costs associated with and profits made will be hers, unless you step up and help.

Constance1234 · 29/04/2019 18:12

Does the holiday house have sentimental value to your grandmother so that she preferred not to sell it while she was alive? From what you've said to your grandmother she probably thinks you are uncomfortable receiving such a large gift, and would rather not. If the deeds have now been transferred to your cousin, it would be up to your cousin to put you on them, it is now out of your grandmother's hands. I hope you can resolve this OP, sounds like you are going to have to have some super awkward conversations with your cousin and grandmother, I do not envy you - good luck!

Bringbackthestripes · 29/04/2019 18:19

Have you spoken to your cousin? Are you sure there isn’t something in place to split booking revenue with you or something?

What an awful thing to happen but if DGM has said to cousin “Woes doesn’t want to take it on, do you?” Then it’s understandable that cousin would say “yes please!”.

I hope it turns out DGM has made other provisions for you.

SarahMused · 29/04/2019 18:20

The holiday home probably had immense sentimental value to your Gran and she wanted to keep it in your family. You didn‘t want the responsibility of looking after the property and your cousin was prepared to take it on. I can understand why your Gran has passed it on to her. Sounds fair enough to me and too late to do anything about it now anyway. I would keep quiet and kick myself over my stupidity.

JapaneseNotWeed · 29/04/2019 18:26

Grandmother may be under the assumption cousin will sort you out in due course. Go back and speak to grandmother who may be able to rebalance the situation between her two wings of offspring.

OKBobble · 29/04/2019 18:30

Has your cousin paid the capital gains tax/capital transfer tax that your gm would have become liable for upon the transfer?

You may find you will have to stump up some cash of the property is then transferred into.your name too.

shiningstar2 · 29/04/2019 18:47

Is there any history behind this op? Was your cousin the favoured grandchild in the past or was her parent the favourite child?

What does your mother think about what has happened?

You may be able to feel a bit closer to what was in your grandmother's thoughts by thinking of above. Of course you might not be any closer to figuring out why?

Would your mother be able to approach your grandmother about this in a tactful way? Are you close to your cousin and would he/she think the current situation unfair and be prepared to have your name on the deeds?

I do feel for you op.
Has your cousin said anything to you about how things turned out?

QueenOfTheEighthKingdom · 29/04/2019 19:18

I don't understand why you didn't broach this with your GM when she told you it had 'gone through'? Something like 'oh wonderful, shall I ask cousin for a copy of the deeds'.

You've made it really awkward now. I would start the discussion with your GM saying that you think there's been a misunderstanding and you would have been delighted to share the property with your cousin.

As cousin now owns it if they don't want to share, it's tough luck. Hopefully they're a decent person and will.

JapaneseNotWeed · 29/04/2019 19:25

Has your cousin paid the capital gains tax/capital transfer tax that your gm would have become liable for upon the transfer?

Capital Transfer Tax disappeared over 35 years ago.

As for capital gains tax an election can be made by grandmother and cousin to defer the tax until cousin sells the property.

Don't come on MN for legal advice ever!

Original poster

inheritancewoes · 29/04/2019 19:30

No real issues with my cousin but we aren't close due to a large age gap and rarely see each other due to this and geography, DGM has always treated us equally. I wouldn't want to drag my mother into it as I suspect she is upset that the house is skipping a generation anyway.

While I agree my cousin owns it and no one can make her share it, I believe that she would retrospectively sign over half if our grandmother asked her to. I don't know what the situation is with the CGT, the house was bought in the 1960s when the area wasn't as fashionable so has probably increased in value 100-fold.

I'm just going to have to think of a way of speaking to DGM without flustering her and making her think that she has upset me (although she has a bit...). If she says, "Well, what's done is done and you should have spoken up", then I'll have to put up with the situation and accept that, while that money would have been wonderful and would have at least paid for my children's university education, I'm no worse off than before. If she does offer some remedy, then I won't feel so foolish about not having been pushier.

OP posts:

Original poster

inheritancewoes · 29/04/2019 19:32

I didn't know that about CGT, NotWeed .

OP posts:

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