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Original poster

Please talk to me about returning to work when DC is less than 9 months old...

47 replies

Idontwannagobackwah · 29/04/2019 11:46

DD is only 8 weeks old so I’ve got a while yet...

I have to return to work when DD is 6 and a half months old. I’m going to ask work if I can go down to 30 hours a week but I doubt it would be allowed.

How old were your DCs when you went back? How did you feel? How did you deal with separation anxiety? When do I have to sort out childcare? Would a nursery or childminder be better?

So many questions! Help!

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 29/04/2019 11:49

I went back to work full time when my first child was 6 months old.

If you need a nursery/childminder I would book that now/asap. They get full. Mine both went to a Nursery.

I dropped my hours to 28 a week after a few months as TBH working full time was hell for me. My child was a non-sleeper though for years.

Hardest thing was lack of sleep and work.

MollysMummy2010 · 29/04/2019 11:50

Full time at five months. She went to a childminder. It was fine, honestly.

Original poster
Idontwannagobackwah · 29/04/2019 11:53

Thanks!

It’s so irrational I’m just scared that DD will prefer her childminder to me or that we won’t be as close. It’s stupid I know! I don’t have much choice regardless.

OP posts:

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

0-3 months old 3-6 months old 6-9 months old 9-12 months old
daphine2004 · 29/04/2019 11:56

Have a look at some nurseries, ask questions and also lol at childminders. You’ll find this site is split with what people say is the best, but you do what is right for you and your family.

There will be settling in days, these aren’t just for he babies, but for families too. Once you know your childcare arrangements it might be useful to book baby in for a day a week or half day a week after settling in so you get a longer period of time away from them.

My son went to nursery as it was more convenient for us and I always felt that a child under wasn’t right for my family. I wasn’t too bad when I took him in, but other parents were. My tears came when he transitioned from toddler room to preschool!

PrimeraVez · 29/04/2019 11:58

I went back when both of mine were 16 weeks. It was tough at times (I EBF both, both were shit sleepers, I'm overseas so no family nearby to help out) but I actually really liked having a 'break' from being at home 24/7

We hired a nanny (childminders aren't really a thing here and I didn't feel ready to send them to nursery, although there are plenty of them here that cater for babies that young) She's still with us (DC1 is 3 and DC2 is 10 months) and we adore her.

daphine2004 · 29/04/2019 12:00

I do need to review my posts as my phone changes the text!

OP, your child won’t prefer their childminder or key person. They will love their relationship and you will also appreciate how much they put into helping your child become an independent person. It’s about working with each other.

I must admit I found it odd when baby was getting snuggles and affection, but it built the relationship and I was so upset when he left there and went to school. I felt comfortable that not only was his development needs met, but he was cared for. I felt reassured that he was looked after and safe whilst I was at work.

DelurkingAJ · 29/04/2019 12:53

I went back at about 9 months...key is being willing to pay for gold-plated childcare. In our case a childminder who only had our DC during the day, who did a much better range of things with them than I ever would have.

And a DH who really pulls his weight and supports your return (so when you do feel guilty they’re first in line to tell you it’s the right choice...my DH just looks genuinely horrified at what my mental state would become if I stayed home and points out that logically he should stay home if either of us does (better with DC and earns less)).

pippitypoppitypoo · 29/04/2019 13:22

From my admittedly anecdotal experience they find it easier starting younger. Mine went to nursery FT from 7m and was fine. I think separation anxiety usually starts at around 1yo

PurpleCrazyHorse · 29/04/2019 13:23

Find a childminder or nursery you really like. Our CM did so much with DD, far more than I would do and only fed her organic (we didn't!).

But, our childminder was absolutely lovely and when DD was starting to walk, she kept telling me to watch as she was really close to walking independently. I wonder now, if DD had taken a couple of steps with the childminder, but she would never have told me, just kept telling me DD was really close. DD did a huge walk at home right across the lounge!! Honestly, she was so lovely and when you feel like you might miss out on some milestones, you really need someone who's sensitive to that.

DD loved her childminder and still chats about her now (she's nearly in secondary school), when we go back to our old town, she likes to see her. It doesn't replace me or her dad, it's a similar relationship to grandparents or aunts/uncles.

Plus, I never felt guilty about not baking with DD or doing messy crafts Grin

The difficult bits were not really seeing DD in the evenings on a week night as she had dinner and pretty much went straight to bed.

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 29/04/2019 13:28

My twins were in nursery and I was back at work by the time they were 8 months old.

DH was made redundant when DS3 was a baby, I went back at 8 months full time but we didn’t need childcare.

I was expecting to want to stay off for a year and not what to go back at all, but the reality was I wanted to go back.

smithyssister · 29/04/2019 13:46

Went back full time when DD2 was 6 months- DD goes to nursery. She loves nursery but she still loves me more!

AnneTwackie · 29/04/2019 13:58

I’m a childminder and have had a child from 4 and a half months. Though I’m with him a lot he definitely knows his mummy and saves the biggest smile of the day for her! Having worked in several nurseries I would always choose a childminder if it were my small baby, they need that one to one bond. You do need to start looking as soon as you can and you’ll probably feel happier when you find the right person. If you do choose a childminder ask about other children attending the setting, in my experience a baby can easily get overlooked if she’s full to the brim with after schoolers and tricky toddlers!

Original poster
Idontwannagobackwah · 29/04/2019 14:27

Thanks all!

I’m feeling much better after reading your replies. I know I’ve got a few months yet.

There’s a nursery right next to my work so I’ve booked to have a look around there next month. I’m having a look at childminders at the moment.

Part of me would prefer nursery but that’s for selfish reasons. DD would probably be better with a child minder.

OP posts:
Steamfan · 29/04/2019 14:30

my DS was 12 weeks old, his Nan looked after him at first, but I was happier to get him to a nursery

EllaEllaE · 29/04/2019 15:05

I went back to work at 3 months, my DH looked after DS till 6 months, then DS went to daycare. Totally normal in the US for mother's to get only 3 months maternity leave. Coming from the UK, I thought I would be really upset at leaving him so early and not getting a full 9 months maternity leave. But actually, by the time it came around, I was fine. It was actually nice to get a bit of my own time back during the day, and it meant I was far more engaged with him when we were together.

It was also great that DH was the full time carer for 3 months. It made so much of a difference to our relationship with each other and our son. Our parenting has been much more equal ever since, because we both feel equally capable/responsible for taking care of him. If you have a partner, can he/she take time off or go part time for a couple of months?

DS had fabulous carers at his daycare, who had 30+ years of experience and looked after him far better than I could! I found it really helpful actually to have carers with so much experience, whose advice I could ask. We had no idea what we were doing, and I would never have the energy, patience, or creativity to come up with the kind of daily activities they organized! There were 6 babies in his class and always 2-3 teachers, so he got lots of socialization.

MrsJBaptiste · 29/04/2019 15:20

I went back to work when my two were 5 and 6 months old. Back then (15 years ago) it was the norm to only get 6 months maternity leave, it changed to 9-12 months after my second was born.

It was fine as I didn't know any different. To be honest, having a year off like most people do now does seem like a long time. I can see why most don't want to go back to work after being at home for 12 months!

DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 29/04/2019 15:41

Why do you think a child minder would be better?

My two loved nursery but they remember very little of it tbh - they stayed there till pre-school. Little one only went when he became eligible for free pre-school hours - he still has a friend from there and he’s 7 now! Very outgoing and popular.

Snipples · 29/04/2019 15:55

I went back to work when dd was 7 months. We had a nanny since she was 4 months. She definitely knows that I'm her mum even though I work full time. Don't worry about that at all OP. You'll be grand. I didn't have any separation issues but I was quite matter of fact in my mind that I was always going back to work which I think helped me.

Disfordarkchocolate · 29/04/2019 15:57

For those of us who are older maternity leave used to be much shorter, back to work by 4 - 6 months were fairly normal. It was fine but a bit longer would have been nicer.

itsnotso · 29/04/2019 16:02

Went back to work with each child after 10 months. Both went to nursery apart from a few months when I tried a childminder, which was a total nightmare so went back to the original nursery. Both were totally fine. They're very social children and I credit that to their early years mingling with different people. It's also stood them in good stead for school as we've had many occurrences of supply teachers, which some children in their classes have found very disruptive. I believe because mine have been at nursery from a young age, and have had different staff members on different days, a supply teacher at school has never bothered them. I initially did 37.5 hours, dropping down to my now 30 hours.

EverythingNow · 29/04/2019 16:13

With my eldest (18) mat leave was 18wks, I left at 38wks pregnant and she was 2 weeks overdue. Went back to full time work when she was 14wks old. That was just the policy (and SMP was about £50pw) then although I was only 1 of 2 in my antenatal group who had to return to work so it did feel like more mum's stayed home.

She was absolutely fine, that little and there was no separation anxiety. She did of course go.through clingy phases but at least by that point she and I were familiar with staff.

mirime · 29/04/2019 16:16

I went back when DS was 7 months. I cried the first day, he was fine! He pretty much stayed fine, though we have gone through patches as he's got older when he's not wanted me to go, but mostly we've both been absolutely fine.

Georgiemcgeorgeface · 29/04/2019 16:22

I went back at 6 months so my DS was with a childminder from 5 and a half months old. I worked 30 hours until he started school then f/t. My DS stayed with the same childminder through to secondary school. I absolutely loved her and couldn't have done without her. DS was very happy there and we have stayed in touch and visit every few months. I never felt any jealousy and was delighted when we left she presented me with photo albums documenting his time with her since he started.

Original poster
Idontwannagobackwah · 29/04/2019 18:27

What questions should I ask potential childminders or nurseries?

Sorry I have no idea what I’m doing!

OP posts:
IndieTara · 29/04/2019 19:00

I went back part time when DD was 6 weeks old.
Started off wfh for 4 hrs a day than when she was 4 mths old I went back to the office to work and she went to nursery. By 6 mths I was back at work full time and DD was at nursery full time
Couldn't have afforded anything else