Please talk to me about returning to work when DC is less than 9 months old...

[Idontwannagobackwah]

DD is only 8 weeks old so I’ve got a while yet...

I have to return to work when DD is 6 and a half months old. I’m going to ask work if I can go down to 30 hours a week but I doubt it would be allowed.

How old were your DCs when you went back? How did you feel? How did you deal with separation anxiety? When do I have to sort out childcare? Would a nursery or childminder be better?

So many questions! Help!

I went back at 4 and 5 months respectively, albeit pt. They went to nursery which swallowed up the equivalent of my salary each month for over two years but was well worth it long term, and now teens, I have no regrets at all. They were fine.

@IndieTara - how was wfh with a baby? I was going to ask work if I could wfh one morning a week or one day a week but do you get much done with a baby around?

Re working from home - don’t even consider it. It seems doable while your baby is tiny and not mobile, (which is what IndieTara did) but it’s impossible when they’re toddling. Also your work probably won’t allow it.

My first DC i went back at 7 months. With my second 5 months. 3 days a week though. I still felt guilty but they were both fine. They went to a very good nursery who indulged me with my OTT demands. I expressed milk at first and sent my own purees in at first. There were tines when i was exhausted and we all went to bed at 7.30pm. The fortnight when they both had chicken pox was memorable!
But on the whole it was fine. No regrets

I went back to work ft when ds was 4.5 months old (only got 4 months back then and used some holiday). I was bf too, so expressed at work.

I was fortunate in that ds was a brilliant sleeper (slept through so early that I was having to wake him to feed him ) and the child minder was literally the house next door and work was only 20 minutes by push bike away (10-45 minutes by car ).

My best friend, who had had kids long before me (I was an older mum - had ds when I was 39) gave me a great bit of advice: the "firsts" are the first time you see or hear it, so it doesn't matter if the first word or the first step or whatever happens at the childminder or it's your dh who sees it. What matters and what is special is when you see or hear it.

Ds always used to go into the child minder with a smile and come out with a smile - can't ask for more than that

Child minder was more like a mini-nursery as there were 3 of them that ran it (neighbour, her mum and her MIL) which meant that except for Christmas and one long weekend in the year (when they had their "staff" weekend away), there was always cover - and there were also other young kids for him to play with.

8 months and 9 months with my two. If it is at all possible to have some long some short days at work or go 3/4 days a week I personally found that a saviour.
I was lucky in that my mum did a day and nursery 2 days. Money was very tight until free hours came in.
Both DC loved nursery from baby room to starting school and made good friends to start school with.

Went back to work when both DC were 3 months. Full time with a fabulous childminder, dropped them off at 8am and picked them up at 5.30. I was exhausted, but had no other options. It's doable but not overly enjoyable, always felt guilty and always tired! DCs are now teens and look back fondly on their time with childminder. I just made sure that I attended as much school stuff as possible, used a lot of A/L for assemblies etc but was worth it.

My 2 started nursery at 3 months and 4 months. It was a great nursery. The woman in charge of the babies was hugely experienced. They both loved it.

Can't think of questions as such but a few things to bare in mind: Some nurseries charge for nappies, or you have to bring your own. Same for lunch, either supplied or packed lunch. I went for a nursery which provided everything as part of the price. With Childminder's, you have to pay for them when they're on annual leave. So you have to find alternative childcare whilst also paying them. If they work single-handed and are poorly, again it's down to you to work out alternatives. This happened a lot with mine, I just think I had a bad experience, but she also had kids of her own who attended lots of hospital and social appointments so I was messed around lots. Never had those problems with nursery, so they went back there after 6 months with the CM. It's nurseries all the way for me, but obviously down to personal preference.

Dc1 - 6 months
Dc2 - 8 months
Dc3 - 13 months
All fine. All enjoyed being with the childminder and all were still waking regularly for feeds at night!

Ds2 was 6 months, its bittersweet but it'll be fine. You need to be looking now as good nurseries and childminders do get booked up. Don't be too daunted, but start doing some research and visits now.

I was given good advice, choose a setting that you'd like to be in. My boys nursery was soo lovely and cosy I didn't worry about the care he was getting, it was immaculate and well organised. I could focus on work knowing he was in safe hands.

I picked a childminder as having worked in nurseries I just think they're better for over 18 months. I like the home from home thing when they're little. Then I move them to preschool at 2, and the childminder collects.

@Idontwannagobackwah it wasn't too bad but I did have to be really disciplined about putting my hours in.
I used DD's nap times to work and evenings once now XH was home.
I won't lie though it was really tiring having to be focussed with baby brain

You CANNOT work from home and have childcare responsibilities!! I WFH one day a week and I pay a childminder for morning and afternoon school run so my child is out of the house 8-5. I get more done as otherwise my Friday commute is horrible. I have WFH occasionally when my child has been sick and I work when they are quiet (ie flat out on sofa watching TV) and then after they are in bed to make up any missed time. It really is not possible to regularly work from home and look after a young child in most jobs as they just won't work to your schedule. If you need to make or take a call, have an urgent task or email, how do you explain that to a baby or toddler?

I went back when DS was about six months. To be perfectly honest, guilt never featured — it was the best thing I could have done. Maternity leave was not for me.

@MollysMummy2010 we're not allowed to WFH for childcare purposes. Like you, we can do it if children are ill and aren't a massive handful, but otherwise they have to be in childcare. Even if my child has D&V i can't work from home, as obviously I'll be busy taking care of the child. Colds, viral infections etc is fine.

My husband walked out 3 days after DD birth never to be seen of again. I went back to work when DD was 7 months. Full time. I had a nanny and went through all my savings. But I couldn’t have done it otherwise. When she was 18 months I used a child minder which was much cheaper.

I went when my DC was 5 months. It broke my heart and I sobbed for the first week, then it became normal and he's now a social butterfly from going to nursery so young.

Hi OP, I went back to work when DC was 8 months. I remember vividly the fear that she would like the nursery ladies more than me - she didn’t (and they were totally lovely). My tips would be:

1. Get childcare sorted now - we did nursery as I found lots of parents coming and going reassuring
2. Try to get into a decent sleep routine before you go back - not a popular opinion on MN but sleep training is fine
3. Don’t waste mental energy on guilt about going back to work if that’s what you have to do - being a mum is not just about doing the physical caring but also keeping a roof over their heads, being a role model etc. You sound fab and your DC is lucky to have you

FT when DD was 5 months old, FT in nursery (no relatives living near us to do childcare).

It was a bit hectic at the start while we learned about doing it differently as a household of 3.

We got a crèche near to work, rather than near to home (over an hour away). I was still bf-ing, and while I didn't expect to need to do that during the day (I had access to a room to pump, crèche was a good 25 minute walk from the office), I was able to go there relatively quickly if something was wrong (she had a temp or was unwell or generally unsettled). It also meant we had her commuting with us all the time (DH in the mornings, me in the evenings mostly, but we had flexibility in that).

It all worked out well, DD was in that crèche for 3 years, and another branch nearby for 18 months until getting to primary school. When we had to move her close to home and use a different local crèche for afterschool club. And it gave DH and I much more flexibility in work than if she was at home/near home in those early years.

I kept feeding DD until 10 months as well - slowly dwindled down and formula (and solid food) increased from about 6 months onwards, but we were still doing a dreamfeed until almost 11 months before I ended that as well (she slept through without it).

Thanks again everyone for all your stories

@Princess Louis - thank you! That made me well up a bit 🙈

In relation to the work from home thing, I’d only like to do one morning a week working from home. Could I hire a childcare provider who would come to my house to play with DD with me in the house? I doubt a nanny would want to do just a couple of hours a week. Would a baby sitter do this?

I could ask my mum but I really didn’t want to rely on her for any childcare