Today I am old, not sure how I feel

[NorthEndGal]

Mentally, I crossed a huge milestone, and it's shook me.
My youngest turned 20 today.
I no longer have babies, little ones, kids, teens ...just grown ups. It makes me feel so much older than I expected.
This is harder than turning 40.
Wtf?!
I was not expecting this.
Any one else feel aged by stuff like this, more than your actual birthday? Or is it just me being an idiot? Or both...

It's a rite of passage. My baby was 20 last year. It didn't make me feel old but I did reflect that my mother was only 43 when I turned 20 and I was stunned at how youthful she must have been. I'm 58 but still feel 25 in my heart.

No, you're not being an idiot; I'm totally feeling your pain on this one. I'm 65 and recently got notification of my state pension entitlement, and an invitation from my GP surgery to book in for an "older persons' health check" .... OK, the extra money will be useful, of course, and always a good idea to get my weight/cholesterol/BP etc checked.

But, flipping' heck ....... I can still rock a pair of size 10 skinny jeans, I'm fitter than a lot of my much younger friends, I'm actively involved in hobbies/volunteering/a hobby related small business. I don't feel old or look old, but at the moment the world seems to be trying to tell me that I am. GAH!!!

My youngest recently turned 21 it was the oddest feeling i am not yet 50 so some of my friends still have high school kids while some have grandkids I feel like I'm stuck in a weird limbo

I don't feel old though

There was an article in the dreaded DM yesterday about the fact that most people in their 50s and 60s can expect to live well into their 90s. That means you have probably got another 40 years ahead of you and if you look after yourself you can expect them to be useful, enjoyable and productive years. Obviously the pension age has to go up, the State can't afford to support people for 25 years. And there are a lot more of us!

I think @Mrsjayy you have nailed it with the limbo thing.
I am only 41, I have friends with grandbabies, and friends pregnant with their first babies, both from my same class in school.
I have got 2 DC in their 20's , no grandbabies in sight. I don't really fit in anywhere.

I know what you mean @nottonightjosephine
50 is out there for me now. REALLY out there, can count it in months now without somebody saying ''don't be silly''.

I think my age-related crises always pass before the big birthdays though (luckily).

I'm kind of interested in researching the archetype of the 'crone' which is not as negative as it sounds. I want to look in to this archetype of peace wisdom fulfilment. I feel that's where I want to go (if I let myself embrace it and not fight it denying my age to try and win others' approval.

Still sitting on a fence right now. If I tell peple I'm 50 next year I'm told ''oh you don't look 49'' but if I don't look it now, I will in two years or three years. It's coming, regardlesss.

Have you read Women who run with Wolves?

As they say about ageing, it’s better than the alternative. Although that’s an unbearable thought.
When I turned 50, my parents and their siblings spent the day commiserating each other (I’m the first of my generation)
🎂
💃🏻 Own it lady!

Sorry, posted too soon!
@NaBiAgOl I meant Women who run with Wolves by Dr Clarissa Pinkola Estes
All about the different archetypes of women in different ages and stages.
Great read, might be time for me to go through it again!

1 of my cousins turned 60 last year it made me feel ancient I mean she is fine with it embraces her old ladydom but the whole everybody is getti g older thing is strange

You lot are my people!

I’m 45 next week - my kids are 19 and almost 21

My ‘baby’ just got his first tattoo!!

It’s very freeing. I’ve suddenly got tons of spare time, I’m fitter than I was in my twenties and thirties (although also fatter ) and I’m actually getting married on my 45th birthday. It’s a new lease of life.

Plus my kids are suddenly hilarious

I remember my parents bumping into a friend of theirs who was looking very down. They asked him what was up, and he replied that he'd just been with his daughter to collect her bus pass.

Now that's old

I recently ate an entire avocado and I didn't leave half because ''it's too high in calories'' I just finished it because I was fucking well enjoying it and I felt like I deserved the nutrients in it.
I'm only a few pounds bigger than I was in my 30s anyway. Years of being careful and the difference between being careful and just eating to my own whim turns out to be half a stone .. geez.

My youngest turned 21 last year, and it was a bit of a funny feeling for me at the time so I know what you mean about it being a milestone. I'm the mother of three grown men & I find it quite hard to get my head around that.

I went to a party recently and was shocked by how old everyone else looked...I hope they didn't look at me and think the same but I fear they might have. I still feel really young! (59)

My oldest is 22 and my baby turns 19 in May. He's always been quite 'young' but has grown up a lot in the last year (got a car, a job, a steady girlfriend) and I realised that I'm now a parent to two adults.

It does have it's positives though; we can now have holidays on our own (although we did have one last big family holiday to California and Las Vegas two years ago which we'd done parts of when they were younger but was so much more fun to do when they were grown up).

I turn 50 this Summer and I'm really struggling with it. I know it's just a number but it's a bloody big number. It's half a century. And I don't feel like I should be 50, in my head I'm 20 years younger - at least. Then I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror.

I don't think I look that old, but I don't colour my hair, and I do have silvers. I don't wear make up or anything, but I still look reasonably young.
So in my head I feel about 25/27 , I look in the mirror and see an average late 30/ early 40 something, but then look at my adult offspring and my brain goes "holy shit you are old enough to have raised that!!!! You is OLD!"

Its so discombobulating

I'm about to join you. Youngest DS 18 and about to sit A levels. It feels really weird after all this years. I'm a bit apprehensive, tbh.

But, flipping' heck ....... I can still rock a pair of size 10 skinny jeans, I'm fitter than a lot of my much younger friends, I'm actively involved in hobbies/volunteering/a hobby related small business. I don't feel old or look old, but at the moment the world seems to be trying to tell me that I am. GAH!!!

Flippant for me to say at 32, but is it so bad to BE old then? If you are happy with yourself and what you do, then can we not just redefine old as not default negative - its still having fun, but with extra health checks.

I have recently experienced this, and found a great way of coping and cheering myself up...I look up famous people who are my age and are still awesome. Maybe a bit shallow ..but it works

Of course it's an adjustment @onlinealienator - it isn't bad to be old per se, of course not, but none of us is an island, none of us is impervious to the acknowledgement (if not validation, we're usually past needing the validation) but young people are of course people and as you age the people around you become predominantly younger and younger people can 'other' older people and not see you or acknowledge you.

It is not quite as simple as having a brilliant self-esteem and knowing that every day is a privilege denied to some. We know all that.

I'm not lecturing here, just typing what I would have typed to my 32 year old self I think.

It's definitely an adjustment that can be made though. I'm looking forward to my 50s and 60s. Not sure about 70s though (but maybe I will when it's there)

given that I will be working at least pt throughout my 60s but will give up at 70