Very down about looks

[Runintoground1]

I know this is a first world issue and fickle but it’s really getting me down.
I look like crap all the time. I’m in my early 30’s but could pass for at least 10 years older. I think I just really felt is as have just seen some photos recently of Uni friends who still look exactly the same. I’m not sure if it’s due to having kids but definitely noticed a huge change after my second dc who has had some behavioral issues and literally barely slept a wink until 3/4 years old. My 3rd is also not a great sleeper and is still up once or twice a night (massive improvement though). Most of my friends are either childless or just on the first so baby stage. I’ve been a parent for 7 years.
I have way more lines than them, feel just so haggard. Thing is I drink buckets of water, I am very into clean eating , wear sunblock and I run a lot, sometimes I wonder if running is making it worse..
Has anyone noticed an improvement once their dcs reliably slept more or they had a bit more time. I’m in a tricky situation where I’m working from home for myself and looking after a toddler (can’t get childcare), my toddler is extremely active and busy, my middle child can be challenging and is finished preschool at 11.30. I find it all really draining...I’m working a lot more next year and will have more time also for myself. I’ve always needed a lot of sleep and in the last 5/6 years it’s been in serious deficit. Now I’m getting reliably 6 hours it’s better but definitely not enough for me and usually broken once.
Is there anyone out there who noticed an improvement even a little in time. I’ve started using retin a and taking more care of my skin. I wouldn’t touch Botox as I work in a science area and have read some very worrying studies. I also try and stick to more natural products. Are there any other good products or ideas out there. One of my friends swears by face yoga but sort of looks like they might be getting Botox so not sure whether it’s real results tbh. Always mean to try it.
Maybe I should have posted in style and beauty but thought I might get more opinions here.

A few small things can help...

eyelash tint. So you look like uv done makeup without actually having to

A good low maintenance haircut

Cucumber on your eyebags in morning (oe all over face. It does something to the collagen so immediatly tightens wrinkles

And...smile. smile at yourself in the mirror.

Its your best face. Also smiling tricks you into feeling happy even if your not right that second

I’ve had people say microbeedling is really good but not tried anything like that myself. Do you wear hats? Sun cream does nothing to prevent sunburn ime.

So you look washed out/pale? Tiredness can make you look wan.

A bit of colour to your face with subtle bronzer or fake tan will instantly make you look healthier by adding colour to your face.

Thanks for your message. I have been forgetting to drink as much water as usual so will put that on the to do list. Genuinely feel that lack of sleep is so aging tbh..

Anyone have advice on hydraulic acid?

Oh and on moving this to style and beauty?

I just look very lined and haggard tbh. I’ve bad forehead lines as I’ve always been really squinty in the light and at night I side sleep. I’ve tried facial patches but the ones I got made new lines (facial smoothies)! I’ve have started wearing hats now all the time when sunny and wish I had years ago tbh

I actually tried a technique of needling my frown lines last night (saw a woman on YouTube ) and actually notice a difference just now!!

I felt like this. So I did one really small thing at a time. Embedded it into my routine before adding something else. So:

Added moisturiser. Morning and night, let it sink in properly before putting my make up on.

Added a serum (can't remember the name of it but can find it once I'm home, it's from the new revolution skin care range)

Started using an eye cream. It's the nip fan roller ball one (black run, sorry can't remember the name of it)

Added oil to the ends of my hair after I washed it. Seriously the shine is unbelievable.

Started taking 10 minutes in a morning just for me to do makeup. Increased to 20, increased to 30. Although I appreciate this one may be harder with three kids. I only have one DS who's nearly 7.

Lastly, I've started exercising and eating better. It's early days but I've done that for me, not to lose weight or anything.

Hope these help, I do get how you feel, doesn't matter what anyone says it won't change how you feel.

That’s excellent advice /\ /\ so thank you. I think I read somewhere that the more colour you eat in food (natural colour), the better is norishes skin. I think because it’s so, full-on all the time with my three dc, I find it hard to carve out the time to eat really big, healthy salads. Kids are into food but not crazy on
lots of salad so end up eating what they eat or eating quickly as my 22 month old can’t sit for more than 8mins! Did you notice any differences when you started this routine ? I guess I get bogged down by the amount of products out there.....

how long do you keep the cucumber on your eyes, i've got suitcases under mine

I suddenly started looking really crap compared to my same-age friends in my early 40s, really noticeably so. In my case it was early menopause that did it, seemed to age me 10 years overnight. Not saying that's what's happening with you at all! Looking at my friends now some years on (they've caught up with me now thank god!) how we age seems largely hereditary and also down to sun exposure. Work out if your face is sagging (deepening big lines from nose to mouth, mouth to chin, forehead etc) or whether it's the skin itself (the fine lines). Face exercises do work, primarily for sagging. There are all sorts of theories on what works best, gentle ones, ones where you really grip your face hard (my fave), ones with gadgets. The idea is that you're building and lifting the muscles under the skin up and out and therefore battling gravity. The skin then smooths out more as it gets pulled upwards and outwards. Finding the time is harder than you think and just like any kind of work out the speed and degree of the results are different for everyone. It won't fix everything. LED light therapy also works on the skin itself but there's so many gadgets out there now and salon versions too that it would be hard to recommend anything specific. I have a handheld one but those LED masks are the latest ones. It also helps clear up spots really quickly, they're quite a standard treatment for acne. Retin A is best for skin, prescription level if you can get it. I'm going to try microneedling, it's been around forever but used to be a lot harsher which put me off. Exfoliation is also a good regular thing to do, brightens the skin, you'll need to experiment to work out what is best for your skin - gentle and often or something stronger. Also a really easy thing is get yourself a silk pillow case, it reduces that pillow face look in the morning and it stops my hair from being mental first thing as well. I'm still toying with the idea of fillers to be honest - tear troughs. Nothing has made a difference to those, except temporary tightening products, I've just been trying Wunderlift, which actually seems to work if you can get by without any other make up in that area, smooth undereye and forehead all night last night).

And as the previous poster said - let the moisturiser sink in! This is such a simple thing but we all just slap everything on in a hurry. Whatever products you're using let each on sink in before putting anything else on top. And primer get a good primer, Boots Instant Illusions is a good but explore Primark and Hema etc for really cheap ones, some of their products are great.

Thank you for the advice! I’m 34 so don’t think I’m menopausal but who knows! Does peri-menopause start now?
I do think genetics play a part, all of my family have strong forehead lines
What is wundetlift? That’s great about facial exercises, I like something that can be explained with hard facts, like if you can work out all the other muscles in the body it should be possible to work the face ones , I hope!? I have family in Spain so have access to retin a, I’m on week 4 and as expected there is a bit of irritation and actually lines can look worse apparently at the beginning so really hoping I see some improvement (wearing sunblock the next day etc) . Has anyone used retin a and seen some improvement? I know it’s not supposed to be great on lines from muscles.
I remember doing a massage without Botox face exercise and I did notice a subtle difference..... as you say it’s about consistency and I often let it fall by the wayside. Also any advice on hydraulic acid. I looked into caci too but for a proper course it was almost 600 euros which is too rich for my blood, like would need to be sure of great results before....

I’m much older than you but a non cosmetic tip that really helps me is having a nap during the day. I think they call it a power nap. 20 minutes to half an hour and it makes me feel and look much better.

Fireman, I feel sleep has been one of the biggest causes. On the rare night I get a good 8/9 hours I look a lot better so will aim for earlier nights. It’s always tricky as the evenings I need to catch up on work.

I also think that fact that many people get Botox now kind of makes people aging naturally look even older or sets an impossible standard. I’m aware it’s a choice though and that it’s their body and health.

This is all so depressing. Sleep is undoubtedly hard on people’s glow but seriously, I bet you look just fine. You’re not going to ‘fix’ yourself with cucumbers and taking hours out of your week to lather yourself in lying bastard moisturisers etc etc.

You sound healthy, fit and strong. Being tired is horrible and visible. All you need and the only thing you should be putting effort into is getting rest, not f’ing Botox.

Your friends probably don't look like their photos if they are taken with good lighting plus facetune or a filter. If they haven't had children yet they have a big advantage! Kids aged me terribly.

Maybe go to a makeup counter and ask to be made over? Benefit is quite nice.

Haha! Thanks happyspud , you’re right but when that sunlight hits and I’m looking like a maths worksheet it’s all a bit grim!

Don't worry- in ten years time you'll be back getting decent lie-ins at the weekend and re-couping a bit of time to yourself. Meanwhile your friends will be still in the small children stage and will be 40 something and knackered!

Lack of sleep doesn't help, but I bet you don't look half as rough as you think. I would say you need to look wider than eyelash extensions and hair cuts.

Are you currently the person you want to be? Do you like you? Which parts of you do you like and which don't you? You need to be able to look in the mirror and like the person you are inside and out before you can look in the mirror and like your looks. I know it's cliche, but I do think it's true.

To give you an example, I was feeling the way you are. Realised it was more about the fact over the last 7 years of pregnancy, babies and no sleep, I'd lost myself and was just whatever was easiest to get through. So I've started to do focus on who I am and who I want to be. Started to excercise, dyed my hair a crazy colour, gotten back into reading, slowly changed my clothes to bright, bold patterns amongst other things. Basically I've spent time building me back up. I'm not suggesting you dye your hair green and do Zumba. But I think it's worth spending some mental energy on finding yourself again. I know that's really difficult when you have three children who need you, and there's just so much to do each day. But it's worth it, if you're able to.

The massage without Botox thing was probably about lymph drainage - which can make your face look less puffy, more lifted. There'll be videos on youtube for similar things, there's also lots of people buying jade stones and dragging them across their faces. It's all the same thing really, just about trying to alleviate a build up of lymph fluid in the face and giving it a bit of a detox. It can make you look a bit more lifted and alert instantly, and temporarily.

Interesting hobbity, is that positive though or too temporary? Cuppa ( sorry don’t know how to highlight), your post is very insightful, thanks you very much. Have to say never thought of those things.
I just hate being told I look exhausted all the time which people do say.