Very down about looks

[Runintoground1]

I know this is a first world issue and fickle but it’s really getting me down.
I look like crap all the time. I’m in my early 30’s but could pass for at least 10 years older. I think I just really felt is as have just seen some photos recently of Uni friends who still look exactly the same. I’m not sure if it’s due to having kids but definitely noticed a huge change after my second dc who has had some behavioral issues and literally barely slept a wink until 3/4 years old. My 3rd is also not a great sleeper and is still up once or twice a night (massive improvement though). Most of my friends are either childless or just on the first so baby stage. I’ve been a parent for 7 years.
I have way more lines than them, feel just so haggard. Thing is I drink buckets of water, I am very into clean eating , wear sunblock and I run a lot, sometimes I wonder if running is making it worse..
Has anyone noticed an improvement once their dcs reliably slept more or they had a bit more time. I’m in a tricky situation where I’m working from home for myself and looking after a toddler (can’t get childcare), my toddler is extremely active and busy, my middle child can be challenging and is finished preschool at 11.30. I find it all really draining...I’m working a lot more next year and will have more time also for myself. I’ve always needed a lot of sleep and in the last 5/6 years it’s been in serious deficit. Now I’m getting reliably 6 hours it’s better but definitely not enough for me and usually broken once.
Is there anyone out there who noticed an improvement even a little in time. I’ve started using retin a and taking more care of my skin. I wouldn’t touch Botox as I work in a science area and have read some very worrying studies. I also try and stick to more natural products. Are there any other good products or ideas out there. One of my friends swears by face yoga but sort of looks like they might be getting Botox so not sure whether it’s real results tbh. Always mean to try it.
Maybe I should have posted in style and beauty but thought I might get more opinions here.

The years after a baby are tough. I felt very depleted. I bet you look wonderful though! Look after yourself, eat well and don't put yourself under pressure. If you are looking for a boost I think the state of my hair makes a huge impact on how I look. A good haircut and blow dry always makes me feel better!!

‘I just hate being told I look exhausted all the time which people do say‘

Charming!

And do any of these people offer to help you in any way? I expect not.

Lymph massage is temporary in as far as we all have lymph in our bodies so it's not going away and we wouldn't want it too. But lymph massage keeps it from building up and making our faces look puffy or bloated or more saggy - that's kind of the theory. To be fair a facial will do the same thing to some extent, but less targeted. Another skin product which I think works (and that's just me) is the ingredient Matrixyl 3000. This was something which 10 years ago was being tried out by a lot of people who were on skin care forums but it was really for people who liked to make up their own serums etc. It was the one, along with Retin A that people thought really worked on the skin itself. Boots has started including Matrixyl it in its No.7 Booster serum (pricey), whether the % is great enough to do much I don't know. Glycolic peels were also popular which there are loads of on the market now.

Lack of sleep can be a killer. I haven't slept properly for about 12 years. Not dcs fault in so much as I've got into a habit of only sleeping for a few hours, then getting up for a drink and snacks/toilet. Good makeup really does make a difference. I'm quite fair and if I don't use bronzer/blusher people say I look 'tired and washed out' or 'unwell'. If I put some colour in my cheeks, apply mascara and curl them to open up my eyes, people remark that I look 'well' and 'nice'. Even if I don't feel it! But then I feel better if they say that.

Have you considered a fringe to cover forehead lines? Updating your hair cut could give you a new lease of life. Have you bought any new clothes recently that you like or are you wearing the same old things you've had on for years?

When I saw photos from when DD was little, I look older than I did. When I started having regularl sleep again, things improved enormously.

Think you have to just work at it more as you get older. Sleep and water yes, also for me a daily vitamin and moisturising like theres no tomorrow!

I’m lucky in that I have a long face so wear a fringe a lot, I love sweep fringes and nobody can see the lines under so win/win! I’m pretty thin which is nice in one way but in another war it means any lines show up more. My hair is dyed quite dark but I’m getting it lightened next week, maybe dark hair is aging . It’s also a block colour so maybe highlights might help 🤷‍♀️

Really appreciate the ideas here!

Balayage rather than normal highlights can look really good, also better for your hair. And like a previous poster said mascara - opening your eyes up makes such a difference, we focus on eyes when we're talking to people, if your eyes look great that's what people will notice. Also always remember that everyone is critical of how they look, so even if you're sitting there with a bunch of mates who you think all look younger or less sleep deprived they'll each be sitting there thinking they look fat, or they hate their hair or their nose or if only they didn't still get spots and thank god they have that filter on their photos. Do stuff to make yourself better but try and filter how other people look out.

Don't compare your worst to someone else's best.

I looked dug up this morning. I'm chronically ill and seriously look it sometimes but thank god for make up etc I look great now. Or at least no one would believe I hadn't had any sleep or that I have spots on my chin. You can't see them and the primer, concealer, blusher and bronzer have got rid of my grey and red coloured skin.

If you added to that, angles, editing, filters, taking 60 pics and choosing the best one, then compared that photo to what you look like in normal light, close up at home, it's just not comparable.

Not that you can't improve looks etc through diet (as in less sugar etc not calories) and some fancy products, but do it because you want to be nice to yourself, not because you're making unfair comparisons.

Thanks again. Has anyone noticed any salon treatments that actually work. I’m always a little skeptical in that I think a facemask and some time in the steam room do the same thing... always feel it’s the experience they are selling really...
Are gyclonic peels done in salons or are they face masks?

Do you eat enough fats, omega 3s, butter, coconut oil? Collagen containing foods? (Though you can get a collagen supplement). I think these are good for skin. Have you lost lots of weight? Do you drink much alcohol as I've heard that ages the skin a lot.

Glycolic acid gives me acne so approach with caution. You can get it as a toner type product or in creams. I think some salons do high strength ones but I'd try a milder form first if you were going down that route.

Try ordering some products from The Ordinary/Deciem. They do a hyaluronic acid as well as other products, and much cheaper than Boots and so on

Skincare is important as is diet, sunscreen, water. Try some form of light makeup like B.B. cream or foundation and concealer

Little touches that might help: facials, subtle lash extensions, face masks, regularly having your eyebrows done, a good haircut

You can do glycolic peels at home, there's loads of glycolic peel pads on the market. L'Oreal Revitalist does one, Nip +Fab do loads of glycolc products. It's good to try a gentle branded product like these at home first and if your skin really likes it then you could go for a stronger treatment at a salon. Always try for a few weeks first to see if something's really working at all. Salon versions of most treatments will usually be stronger than any products you can get in Boots or SUperdrug.

The Ordinary, which ASleepAllDay just mentioned, does a Matrixyl with HA product. Haven't tried it but I'd be interested!

I take cod liver oil everyday. Haven’t noticed any difference, haven’t lost weight. Have always been thin but feel breastfeeding sort of depleted fat in my face in a weird way, really noticed it once I stopped. I don’t drink much in general but I had a few events recently were my alcohol consumption has defo increased and notice that has a very bad effect. I never smoke.
I tend to eat a lot of raw veg and fruit and fish.

Thanks hoppity, have heard great things about their products!

These are properly amazing for a quick fix. They kind of plump the skin up and are the only things that fade my dark bits under my eyes (albeit temporarily. Good for a night/day out though) m.feelunique.com/p/Skyn-ICELAND-Hydro-Cool-Firming-Eye-Gels

Breastfeeding does seem to deplete the face! I'm still podgy all round, but pre-kid i had a pudgy round face; now i have angles on it!

Yes really noticed breastfeeding made me really lean but also really haggard once I stopped. It’s like pregnancy and breastfeeding initially made everything softer and fuller and once those hormones are gone everything sort of deflated and left me with lines everywhere.....
I’m going to track my sleep too. I did a count there and actual hours last night amounted to around 5, that’s just not enough for me. My dcs are early risers and have bags of energy so it’s.a.very.long.day on top of very little sleep.

@Redzebra 5mins is enough

Breastfeeding definitly takes its toll...as does lack of sleep. Im currently exhausted. Bfeeding not amounted to weight loss for me 😑 just got fat instead needing to eat more.
Have faith that will feel and look healthier when all kids are school age

Great ideas, I have an event in three weeks, obviously nothing dramatic is going to happen by then but if I can look a little bit better I’m sure I’d feel a bit more confident.
Going to focus on drinking a lot more water, I’ve ordered some ordinary products, will do more face massage and as much as is possible sleep more. Would love a thread where could check in with others who want to do something similar and see if there’s been any improvements.