Age gaps between children - thoughts please!

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We have a 7 month old son. He is a poor sleeper and a high needs baby. We always planned on 2 children and despite how hard DS is we really do want a 2nd.
I will go back to work when DS is a year, I've gone from full time middle management to 3 days non management. The drop in pay is considerable. I am a teacher so it is worthwhile trying to plan when I get pregnant (although obviously it doesnt always work like that!)

We would hope to have a 2nd when DS turns 2. Our logic is get the baby and toddler stages done all in one go.

What are the age gaps for your children and would you recommend it?

There's 3 and a half years between mine. The older started nursery just as the younger was born which meant I had quality time with both.

Now they're older though...14 and 11, they don't really hang out much together as the gap is too large. They do occasionally but the elder hasn't much patience.

Smaller gap is better in my opinion but there's no guarantee they'll get on at all as siblings....no matter how hard you try.

Re "high needs baby"...they all are. And none of them are good sleepers at 7 months. That's just the way it is...unless there are actually special needs...ALL babies are high needs.

I have 3.5yrs between my first two and 2.5yrs between second and third (now age 6, nearly 3 and 5 months). The two older ones are really close and play really well, they miss each other when they’re not together and the baby stage was relatively easy with second child as my first was toilet trained and fairly independent. It’s been a bit harder with number 3, 2 year olds are hard work and potty training while trying to breast feed wasn’t easy.

One of the factors we thought about when planning age gaps was childcare - I go back to work in September which is when my middle one gets some funded childcare. We couldn’t afford to have 2 kids in nursery with no funding.

3 years 3 months, the plan was for it to be a smaller gap, but dh was supposedly left infertile by medical treatment, so we are fortunate to have another. Im so glad they aren't closer together, it have my body time to heal, and at 3 my first was a little more independent, didn't nap, was out of nappies etc.

We have 2.5 years between the first 2 which I absolutely love. Looking back DS1 was still tiny when his brother was born, but loved helping getting nappies etc and understood that he had to wait etc. He could climb into the bath and car seat himself (c section so couldn’t lift him for a bit). I’m really glad we didn’t have a smaller gap!
Next time we’re goinf to go for a 3.5 year gap and I’m concerned there might be more jealousy - DS1 is almost 4 and the difference this year has made us incredible! He’s so different now! But 3.5 year gap means more 1:1 time with new baby as 3.5 year old will be in nursery more, will probably be potty trained (god I hope so!), will probably not nap so can get his 1:1 time while baby sleeps...
there are pros and cons to all age gaps though, my friend has just had her third and her eldest is 2.

There were paragraphs I promise!

2 years here. Was hard in the early days but starting to pay off now they’re the best of friends aged 5 and 3. I would recommend it for the reasons you’ve stated, and it means that we can plan things to do as a whole family at the same time. Also meant we didn’t need to buy anything new for number two.

One thing I have found hard is making mum friends - because I’ve always had my hands full I don’t have much capacity to chat at school gates etc.

And we probably expect too much of the eldest’s behaviour, he is still only little. We’ve struggled a bit there but that might have been the case anyway.

Struggled to conceive DC1 so decided not to wait for DC2. I’m happy with the way it’s turned out, all things considered. Good luck OP.

2 years. I quit work due to circumstances so got it over and done with. Was really hard though, exasperated by dd1 being diagnosed as being delayed 12 days before her sister was born concluding with an autism diagnosis at 2 3/4

Thanks everyone, this is really helpful!
Doesnt help that I'm ridiculously broody!?

Mine are 25 months apart. It was very hard at first but in the past few months now that DC1 is 3.5 and DC2 is 1.5 it's getting easier. We both work and we are very busy but happy with our decision now. I'm now looking at pushing forward in my career now that the baby years are behind me.

5 years between ours and it’s wonderful. I got to fully focus on each of them as babies/toddlers because older one was in school. Also refreshed and had sleep again for #2 and my career and salary hasn’t taken a hit. Nursery is affordable as well. One thing to consider if you want to return to work is how you’ll afford 2 in nursery, even with funded hours. It definitely made it easier to stretch it out a bit so we only ever had one in nursery at a time. I used mat leave to settle my eldest into school and was able to do the school run every day.

I had a two year gap - which does leave your hands full for a few years. I would recommend leaving it till you have a 3 year gap. It's very hard work when you have the pair doing A levels and GCSE's at the same time - they need a lot of support.

Just under two years here and wouldn't change it, the only really hard part was the term of paying double childcare in full as mentioned by a PP, there was also more expense early on as both in nappies for a while, we needed two cots etc. Most of my friends also had an approx two year gap so we went through the toddler+baby stage together. They are in the same stage of education more of the time too, the years when they are together (eg both at nursery, both in infants school) are a lot easier logistically than those when they are at different stages. They bicker a lot as teenagers and don't share many interests but we never have any problem finding days out and holidays that they both like.

I've got a 6 year age gap between mine, and I hate it. It's too large a gap for them to have anything in common as they grow. The only good thing I suppose is my eldest comes and goes as she pleases and can entertain herself.

Honestly though, If it were up to me the gap would have been much smaller. Ideally 2-3 years. My eldest was a very easy baby, slept through from 6 weeks, easy to please, hardly any tantrums as a toddler so I was keen for another but it took my partner years to be ready.

19 months between my first two. Ridiculously hard for the first 6 months (my second didn’t sleep for longer than 40 mins at a time for 6 months), but got much easier and now at 5 and nearly 4 it’s fab, and they get on great. First started school last year and second will start in September.
3.5 years between my middle and third (who is 15 weeks). So far the baby stage has been so much easier with the bigger gap as my older 2 are much more independent and able to do things for themselves, and with one at school and one at pre school I have time to spend focussing on the baby. Obviously don’t know how things will pan out as they get older yet!

2.5 years between dcs here. Has turned out very well. They have always played together well and not competed against each other. They are now teens to tweens. Will have the added benefit of kids never taking gcses / a levels at the same time.

We have just over 2 years and it's absolutely brilliant. 1st year was hard, but as soon as dd2 became a toddler their needs became more similar and now at 2 & 4 it's almost like having 2 the same age to some extent. They entertain eachother so well, it's like they have a constant friend to play with (yes they obviously have days where they don't get on quite as well too!) Family days out are so easy to accommodate them both, holidays are great as again they entertain eachother, they eat the same foods, go to bed at the same time, even share some of the same clothes now! We didn't plan for 2 close together, dd2 was a surprise, and I always said I'd wait until dd1 was at school before having another... I'm so so glad we didn't. She starts school September and it's going to be really hard on dd2, she misses dd1 when she goes to preschool twice a week, so full time school will be a shock for her. We're really making the most of our last few months with them both home as although it's hard and exhausting at times, I know I'm going to look back on these couple of years so fondly, as there's nothing like having a house of tiny people causing chaos! My only regret now is not having them even closer together as I would have liked a 3rd but would have liked a smaller gap so they'd all be under 4. I dont want to change how easy things are with the 2 close together, as I think doing anything with a baby, a 4 year old and 6 year old would make it impossible to keep them all happy! I'd recommend a small age gap, just go into that 1st 6 months/year with low expectations on what you can get done, and know that things will get so much more rewarding as they grow together. X

We're heading into the GCSE years now, some people have said its hard having one do GCSEs while the other does A levels, other say its better because they are both working hard at the same time instead of one working hard and the other winding them up by not doing much (which has happened this holidays with them in years 10 and 8). Plus it gets it all out of the way in a relatively short period of time.

4 years between older two, was great in terms of being able to focus on the baby. Difficult as DC1 started school when DC2 was three days old and DC1 found it hard. They basically just tolerated each other for 13 years but now get on really well.
6 years between DC2 and DC3 and 16 months between DC3 and DC4.
I found with the small gap easy until DC4 hit 1 then it was tough until DC3 started school.
Now at 18,14, 8 and 7 they all get on really well.

Also yes to sharing stuff as they get older, in many ways mine seem the same age, they share things like coats and wellies for Scouts, Guides, residentials etc, like the same boardgames and have fairly similar skill levels, always went to bed around the same time.

Depends on your age, I guess. The best age gaps are up to 3 years if you want the siblings to be close. Having said that, however, it really depends on the individuals. I know siblings with 7 year age gaps who are really close.

18 months between my first two...and if I had the time back I would have an even closer age gap. It's good to be close in age as they enjoy the same activities, can take them to the same things etc. Also- you get your life back to 'normal' sooner in regards to work etc and rid of all the baby items quicker! That's not to say I don't enjoy the baby years but I feel it's nice to condense them down.

There was 3 1/2 years between myself and my brother and I feel we would have been closer if closer in age.

That said, there's obvious benefits to a bigger age gap too.

I should probably add that my first baby was extremely 'easy' as a baby, which perhaps made it an easier decision to have a second quickly. The second however...massive problems with reflux which made for a very hard first 6 months!

Just over 2 years with my 2 (now 2 and 4) and it’s been a really good gap although there are pros and cons to any age difference. A huge benefit for me with a 2 year gap was that with a years maternity leave by the time I went back to work second time round the oldest got her 30free nursery hours so I was only paying one set of nursery fees at once.

In the early days the oldest adored the baby and I think soon forgot him ever not being there and at 2 and 4 they’re starting to be able to play properly together which is lovely.

Three and a half years here. It meant that DS helped zip up my shoes when I couldn't bend at the end of pregnancy!

DS and DD fought like cat and dog for a bit but could still be companions on holiday by the time DD was 5. They're really good friends now at 16 and 19.

Also we didn't have A levels and GCSEs clashing which has been great. Friends with a 2 year gap had homes from hell that year!!

2 years and 6 weeks between my two boys. I'd recommend it although I really don't know any different!

I would say make sure your eldest is sleeping through before having another. I wouldn't have considered it otherwise. The first year was pretty hard. But it has so many advantages. Every stage is roughly dealt with at the same time or while it's fresh in your memory. Mine are 6 and 4 now. I'm done with nappies, prams, cots and sleepless nights.

A lot of it does depend on the child, but they have a lot of similar interests. They enjoy playing together. But they do also fight like cat and dog over the same toy etc.

The hardest part is that financially it meant paying for two lots of child care. I was able to work part time evenings around DH's hours. But that was hard and after looking after 2 kids all day I was exhausted I had next to no time for myself. For about 3 years.