Eating disorder... shocked

[boilersontheblink]

I'm at the doctors currently (not related to ED) and decided to weigh myself on the scales, was expecting about 10stone, at least 9.5....

It says 8stone exactly (50kg) I'm 5'8 and just checked my BMI which says i'm 16.9 (underweight).

I had an eating disorder (anorexia) aged 13-15 but 'recovered' the weight lost in hospital at the time.

I binge eat a lot and my doctor describes me as 'anorexic with binge eating tendencies' but the amount I've been eating lately I thought surely I'd have gained not lost??

I haven't been underweight for years and it's crazy to me that I am that weight now.. I don't want to gain anything else as I already feel to big, if anything I felt I needed to lose!

I'm 20 years old now for reference.
The anorexia was never really 'fixed' back then, I just gained the weight back through forced hospital admission, I never had any therapy for the thoughts.

"I already feel to big, if anything I felt I needed to lose!"
Thats a pretty clear sign at 17 BMI that you are still anorexic in the way you see yourself and feel unfortunately.

You could binge 1500 calories in a sitting but if youre only eating 500 on the days you dont do that then you'll still lose.
How much would you say youre having on "normal" days? How much are you exercising/burning in a day?

@StormTreader I don't exercise much aside from walking the dog as I feel tired.

On a non binge day I eat around 1500 cals I think as I do eat 3 meals a day.

Tend to binge on 2-300cals.

Anorexia is less about the numbers (although they’re important) and more about the cognitions. How is your relationship with food? With your body? That’s the crucial thing.

It's no wonder you feel tired. Did you speak to the GP about it, are you able to be referred back to the eating disorders service?

The reason I asked though is that being anorexic does not make someone immune from all other health issues - if you're eating enough calories that you should be a mid-range weight and you're very underweight then there may also be something else going on that needs to be checked out.
Unexplained weight loss is a serious symptom of a few things.

200 to 300 calories isn't 'a binge' OP - that's a 4-finger KitKat or an egg mayo sandwich!

I'm sorry OP, but it sounds like you are having problems and need to get some help before things get worse. Did you speak to your GP about it whilst you were there?

Look after yourself x

A woman needs about 2000 calories a day just to maintain her weight. You are underweight at 5ft 8 and you need to put some on. Please take it seriously. You can't afford to lose any more!

You need to talk to someone. That's your first step. You're still not seeing yourself in a good way and that needs to be changed. Go to your gp and ask for help. As someone who has had an eating disorder it wasn't until I started dealing with the underlying problems that I started to improve my relationship with food.

I wouldn't normally suggest this to someone underweight but have you considered keeping a food diary for a week or so. If you're constantly tired its very possible that you are overestimating the number of calories you are actually eating.

You know that's not a healthy BMI so you are one step towards addressing the problem but you do need support. I know I did and it really helped.

I hope this thread helps to move you towards a better place and helps you to improve the way you see yourself.

200 to 300 calories isn't 'a binge' OP - that's a 4-finger KitKat or an egg mayo sandwich!

Yes - 200-300 Kcal is an extra snack, not a binge. When my bulimia has been very bad, my binge would be 1000+ Kcal.

I'd recommend having a talk with your GP and/or contacting BEAT for advice on how to get yourself for the obvious ED you still have.

how to get yourself HELP

Please seek help OP. But also have hope: I was very ill with anorexia at a similar age to when you developed it. I then had another eating disorder when I was around the age you are now. I'm mid 30s now and have had honestly no issues with food/weight since around 21. It's possible but you DO need help with it. B-eat is an excellent place to start, or your GP.

As an aside, I'm shocked you had no counselling. I did and this was the mid-late 90s!

Cross posted re. B-eat!

1500 calories would lead to slow but steady weight loss for a lot of moderately active women- if you are walking your dog for say 30 minutes a day, you're still more active than a lot of people.

2-300 extra calories will probably bring you up to the amount you need to maintain- but it won't help you put lots of weight back on.

However, if you feel the weight loss is sudden, then it may be caused by another health issue.

If you can (and I know this is difficult) it may be best to speak to your GP about the weight loss and see what their opinion is.

Do you think it would be possible for you to keep a food diary across a week or two? This might be really useful for the doctor.

You cannot not know that you have lost 2 stone.
I seldom get weighed but my clothes tell me if I've put on weight or lost it. I am also 5'8" and weigh 9.5 stone most of the time, if it slips a bit my jeans are too big and if I gain a few pounds they feel tighter.
I have never dieted and my weight has been pretty constant for 40+ years.
If you are constantly counting calories then you have an unhealthy relationship with food.

Do you want help? Do you want to get to a normal weight, or would you rather lose more weight?

@PaddyF0dder Yeah you're right, my relationship with food really isn't good and I hate my body!

@NoBaggyPants Yeah my GP and I both spoke about it in length and she checked my previous weights and it's the lowest I've been in years which she was concerned about.

She checked me for diabetes regarding the tiredness and has sent me for bloods today too.

She didn't make any mention of an ED service referral unfortunately I think you have to be really unwell for that.

@StormTreader Thats what I was thinking! As I am eating surely I shouldn't be losing THAT much? My GP didn't think anything of it though and only checked for diabetes (which was negative).

It's hard because seeing my weight that low again makes me feel good and I just want to keep losing now.

@BlackInk I said 2-3000 right? Sorry I meant thousand not hundred!!

Thank you

@SweetieP1e Thank you, I'm sorry you have suffered too.

Yes good idea re a food diary, I'll keep one for a week or so and have a look.

Unfortunately there was no mention of therapy or ED services referral so I just don't know how to help myself.

@WhatNowRandy sorry I meant 2-3000, missed a zero as I was typing fast

In our area you can self-refer to Heathy Minds, which is a CBT service. Might be worth a call?

@ladybirdsaredotty Thank you, Yeah they just put me in hospital to gain the weight (I was 37kgs back then at 5'8 as a 14 year old and really unwell).

They (CAMHS) kept promising therapy once I was weight restored but nothing came of it even though my mum chased it.

Did the go check your thyroid function? Could be overactive?