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Original poster

Saw a friend's 13yr old dealing weed, what to do? Nothing, I guess?

81 replies

SolitudeAtAltitude · 22/04/2019 16:50

Am I just a silly pearl clutcher? Bit unsure. I need advice.

Saw a friend (acquaintance) son (13, yr 9) in the local city park today, lots of teens were hanging around in groups. Lots of little groups passing around (what looked like) a spliff. Some kids lolling about, one girl lying face down in the mud, crying. I went up to her and asked if she was ok but her friends scooted over and pulled her away.

So this kid I know was going around with a little cross body bag, making some kind of transaction, after which the little group would light a (what looked like a) spliff. Could they just be pretending?

It was like a cbbc version of the Wire Shock Or do they just pretend at this age? 13 seems so young.

I know this kid's mum, but not very well. He's at my DS school.

Just wondering if I should do anything? I was a bit shocked as all these kids are only 13-14

Was thinking of telling the school, but it's not a school issue, is it?

Worried about this kid and who supplied him, what sort of people he's dealing with. He's from a very smart MC family...

Sort of stumped.

Anyone got any experience of this kind of thing? Also saw a friends' daughter smoking weed and acting very spaced out (lolling about, crying, falling about, she looked all over the place, weirdly she did not recognise me when I walked by) she's 14.

My instinct tells me not to tell the parents as they would hate me. And they might even accuse me of lying or not believe me.

Right? Confused is this just normal teen stuff now?

OP posts:
Aragog · 22/04/2019 17:16

Smoking weed is such a normal thing to do at 13

Really?! Where? It certainly isn't the norm here. Hence why everyone's been so shocked about what's happened at DD's old school.

megletthesecond · 22/04/2019 17:17

Police.
School.

I would avoid the parents if they're the type to kick off.

QueenofCBA · 22/04/2019 17:17

It really isn’t normal to smoke or deal weed at any age!
If you are worried about the mums’ reaction then just tell the school, about both of them. I would probably tell the police about the dealing, too. By telling the school and the police you will remain anonymous.

TerryWogansWilly · 22/04/2019 17:18

I think the school will be interested as they know the kid will likely be carrying on during school hours and maybe a source to the other kids at school, or at risk from dealing with whoever is supplying him. Maybe just ask to speak to the head and see what they say

zombee · 22/04/2019 17:19

I live in the south west in a mixed area of very rich and very poor people. I'm not saying it's right hence contact parents if the op thinks necessary but it is normalised behaviour - especially with things like Facebook and all the cannabis Facebook pages and misinformation spread it is now normal (at least where I am) for young teens to smoke. Shocking yes. Upsetting yes. Wrong yes. But normal now. So for young children starting school at 11 and seeing the older "cool" kids smoking and talking about it they grow up and think it's okay and they start. They don't think of the consequences cos they've seen everyone else do it, that's why I don't think the school should be involved.

Original poster
SolitudeAtAltitude · 22/04/2019 17:19

AuntMarch, yes it is the safeguarding issue I worry about. Like who is this boy dealing with? Who supplies him?

I do think seeing it was yr 9 kids, and at lunch time in the park, was a bit of an eye opener to me.

OP posts:
Original poster
SolitudeAtAltitude · 22/04/2019 17:24

TerryWogansFriend, the HT is a personal friend of this family.

I think he would tell them it was me that "ratted" on their son (yes I am a coward)

They are always doing bbqs together on FB Grin

No, I am not bloody brave enough.

Will tell my friend about her dd, I'm seeing her later this week anyway. I will also not mention it to anyone in RL (hate gossip, esp.about kids)

OP posts:
Heyha · 22/04/2019 17:28

If it were an adult you saw selling drugs to kids in a park, you'd call 101 wouldn't you. Or Crimestoppers, maybe.
If you do that then they will deal with the flow of information into school and to the parents. Bit different with the girl that was under the influence, not sure what I'd do there.
It definitely isn't normal for 13 year olds to be down the park during the daytime openly selling and using drugs, no.

00100001 · 22/04/2019 17:28

Just because it isn't happening at school doesn't mean you shouldn't tell the school.

This boy could be being coerced. Bullied. By anyone. Peers. Parents

The school are the ideal people to tell. As they will have a bigger picture of the child.

Or tell the police.

But tell someone. Stop minimising it and making excuses.

If you tell the school, and they say "this isn't our concern" then come back here and say "I told you so".

But they won't.

WifOfBif · 22/04/2019 17:33

It really is a school issue, whether it happened in school or not. It’s a safeguarding issue, they will have a safeguarding lead and they will let the relevant agencies know. Please tell them.

And to the poster saying it’s normal, it really fucking isn’t. I work with kids who were dealing at this age, you should see them now a few years down the line. Where do you think the boy is getting the drugs to sell? He will be involved with other dealers. I know girls and boys who have been trapping for years to pay off debt to drug dealers for small amounts of weed that escalated and escalated.

Penguinpandarabbit · 22/04/2019 17:43

Report it anonymously if you are worried school will tell them you reported it. In theory schools shouldn't do this but it happens. Send an unsigned letter or e-mail in obviously not from usual email address. May limit the action they can take but at least it tips them off.

ArabellaDoreenFig · 22/04/2019 17:51

It really is a school issue, whether it happened in school or not. It’s a safeguarding issue, they will have a safeguarding lead and they will let the relevant agencies know. Please tell them

I just want to reiterate this. You can report it via school and it will remain anonymous.

Don’t approach parents.

And for anyone who are dismissing this as ‘normal’ google ‘county lines’ and then come back and tell us smoking weed is harmless kids stuff. It isn’t. It destroys lives right across the supply chain.

CatetheGreat · 22/04/2019 17:55

You can make a safeguarding referral yourself, you don't have to go via school. Anonymously via NSPCC if you prefer.

Fazackerley · 22/04/2019 17:56

zombee it isn't normal here and shouldn't be anywhere.

Fazackerley · 22/04/2019 17:59

zombee I live in a similar sounding area and I am not saying no teens smoke weed but it is faintly ridiculous to say it's 'normal'. It absolutely isn't!

pepperpot99 · 22/04/2019 18:04

OP I feel for you. It's a really delicate and tricky situation to be in. I think you need to inform school and parents, it'll be very difficult but ignoring it is negligent. Good luck.

RightOnTheEdge · 22/04/2019 18:09

On what planet is it normal for 13 yr old to be selling and smoking weed? Shock

Easterbunnynearlyhere · 22/04/2019 18:14

Ds was expelled from school. Exh blagged it with the police. Ds was jolted into reality. Didn't speak to me for a year then went nc with exh and lives with me now. Excelling at college now too.

drspouse · 22/04/2019 18:18

zombee "commonly happening" is not the same as "normal".

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 22/04/2019 18:19

It is not the norm round these very un middle class parts either zombee

All this about it might ruin his school career and prospects etc .. because he is MC ? Shame , let him in with the non MC kids who do the wrong thing too !

LynetteScavo · 22/04/2019 18:33

I have a 13yo DC in Y9 who goes to a "nice"school in a "nice"town.

She knows exactly where she could get weed if she wanted to. People at school are spit into those who do drugs (and blatantly post themselves doing so on social media) and those who don't.

I've seen a big shift in drug taking bro g normalised since my now 20yo was in his early teams. 7 years ago what the OP has described would shock me, now I'd just roll my eyes. In my DCs year there is a pupil who will sell you what you want after school around the corner. He's says he has one marijuana plant under his bed Hmm Heaven knows what he's selling, but reDing between the lines his parents are either heavy users or are keen "gardeners".

So, OP, I would definitely tell the school. It would depend on the parents whether I felt comfortable telling them or not. I might take the line of "Someone looking very much like your DC was...."

If I didn't know who the teenagers were I may well phone the non emergency police number - I would expect them to do more patrols in that specific area.

Fazackerley · 22/04/2019 18:37

People at school are spit into those who do drugs (and blatantly post themselves doing so on social media) and those who don't
Yes I know this but it's not normal. Far more kids wont be doing drugs.

Fazackerley · 22/04/2019 18:37

At 13

Se7ven11 · 22/04/2019 18:42

I find it incredibly sad @zombie that you say 13 yo's smoking weed is normal.

As a mother if a 14 yo, I have to disagree with your statement - certainly not my experience where I live but that's not to say it doesn't happen

Yes, tell the school
yes, tell the police what you saw and where

google "County lines"

LynetteScavo · 22/04/2019 18:43

OP, I would ask to Diwali to the school safeguarding lead - - other than the HT. explain your concerns re confidentiality. In an average sized secondary school there would be no need for a HT to be aware of this to the point of your name being disclosed, but you'd need to discuss that when contacting the school.