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Original poster

Facebook Messenger question

28 replies

Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 18:49

I cannot believe I am actually asking this - I'm not much of a FB person - but this has been niggling in the back of my mind for a few days now.

Someone I once had a bit of a thing for and with whom the relationship had turned a little stiff (we're friendly, but not friends iyswim) as a result has added me to a group chat between himself and some person I've never heard of, but twho appears to be one of their friends.

There are no messages in this group chat and the bloke I used to have a thing for is admin - meaning he could have removed me at any time if this had been a mistake.

As far as I understand it if I had been added to a conversation between the two by accident I'd still be able to see all previous messages. Likewise, I tried to set up a group, but not write a thing, but the group was never created and I was able to just click the cross and it disappeared.

Unlike the group with the two of them, when I clicked on the cross it did not get archived, but when I left the group with those two the "conversation" got archived and I can still see it.

So am I right in thinking this was no accident? I just wonder how/ why - my profile picture and name are both quite distinctive, but quite frankly I want no more interaction with that man than is strictly necessary. We are also not "friends" on FB, nor have we ever been, although previous messages between us (just the one man and myself) exist.

Any FB pros around who can shed light on this?

OP posts:
QOD · 21/04/2019 18:52

No. I do use messenger but don’t understand this

Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 18:59

Thank you for your reply. I'm normally quite good at figuring technical things out, but this has me baffled and our fraught relationship with each other makes this even odder.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 20:16

Bump. Anyone else with an idea?

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 21/04/2019 20:19

You have previous messenger messages with this man?

Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 20:22

Yes, but not with the other one.

It doesn't show up in our previous messages between each other (as it would if someone was added, I guess?)

OP posts:
Gibble1 · 21/04/2019 20:23

There have been a few glitches on my messenger with odd situations similar to this. I’ve blamed phishing and virus spreaders and deleted.

QOD · 21/04/2019 20:37

Ahhh if you’ve had messages with him before you’re still linked on messenger. He can add people You are not friends with

Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 20:48

QOD, does that mean they have been added to (and could read) previous messages? But it shows up as a separate messaging thread, not part of the original messages?

OP posts:
QOD · 21/04/2019 21:04

Not if it’s a new convo I’m sure. If there’s nothing you can scroll up and see?

Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 21:09

No, there is nothing. As if no-one has ever written anything in that group (and FB normally appears to say if messages have been deleted). It just seems so odd.

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 21/04/2019 21:20

I can create a group in messenger on my laptop, it does require at least two people to make it a group though.

If you are worried about it, why didn't you ask him why he did it? Otherwise, just block him so he won't be able to do it again.

Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 21:21

This is a screenshot.

Facebook Messenger question
OP posts:
Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 21:24

Yes, Chic, it does take at least two - our group was 3 people (me included). I cannot block him for various reasons.

OP posts:
senbei · 21/04/2019 21:30

If you added someone to an existing group convo, they'll be able to see everything that has been written on there since the conception of the group. As that doesn't seem to be the case here, my theory is that it could just be an accident on his part. What error did you get that's preventing you from blocking him?

Original poster
Tessalectus · 21/04/2019 21:33

No error, just someone I cannot reasonably block. Like a family friend I see a lot.

Glad the other person won't see my previous messages, though - that was one of my biggest worries!

OP posts:
ChicCroissant · 21/04/2019 21:36

You don't have him on FB but don't want to block him on messenger? That's up to you but probably best to not overthink things in that case. Maybe he just needed an extra name to create the group.

Bringbackthestripes · 21/04/2019 21:39

No, there is nothing. As if no-one has ever written anything in that group (and FB normally appears to say if messages have been deleted). It just seems so odd.

It is a new group. No previous messages will be visible between you or any separate group members.

Why not post on the group thread ‘did you mean to add me?’ Or just delete yourself?

Whisky2014 · 21/04/2019 21:39

No, it's like a whole new group and if say you opened a chat with someone that you have previous messages from, then add in someone new it basically creates a new chat group and so the 3rd person wpuldnt see any previous messages. I think you can create groups without sending a message for it to be created and it looks like that's what's happened here.

senbei · 21/04/2019 22:35

Why not post on the group thread ‘did you mean to add me?’ Or just delete yourself?

OP has left the group.

Original poster
Tessalectus · 22/04/2019 10:01

Thank you for all the responses. I know he uses his phone for messenger and had a bit more of a play on mine - you can set up groups easier on there, but it had to be a deliberate thing (and he is not someone with lots of friends, so I doubt anyone has a similar one to mine) and confirmation was needed to discard a group not quite yet made... Confuses the hell out of me.

He also had more than 24 hours to make changes/ delete the group and was online a few times in between. I don't know, given I'd been quite good at keeping my distance for a few months now this has undone a lot of the work I put into forgetting about him.

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Original poster
Tessalectus · 22/04/2019 10:02

He also had more than 24 hours to make changes/ delete the group before I discovered the group on my Messenger, that is.

OP posts:
Original poster
Tessalectus · 22/04/2019 17:29

I think I may ask. Or does that seem weird days later?

OP posts:
Whisky2014 · 22/04/2019 17:31

No. Stop thinking about this.

ChicCroissant · 22/04/2019 17:33

You want this to be more than it is, OP, because you are looking for 'signs' and trying to attach meaning to something that doesn't really have any. Honestly, leave it and move on.

Original poster
Tessalectus · 22/04/2019 17:51

Yes, I attach meaning to it. But differently than you think. I have reason to have concerns about what gets out there (some of the things he knows are very private, but I wasn't well and on strong medication when I told him).

OP posts: