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Original poster

If you had a difficult first baby- did you have another one?

42 replies

Sunandseaside · 17/04/2019 11:45

Or did you stick to one child?

I’m starting to wonder how anyone ever has more than one. DD has been such hard work and still doesn’t sleep at 10 months- I adore her and ideally wanted two children but I just don’t know how I would cope and don’t think DH would want to.

I’m very envious (and probably a bit resentful!) of my friends who have easy, sleeping, laidback babies and are already talking about the next one.

If your first baby was challenging did it put you off having another?

OP posts:
MrsBlondie · 17/04/2019 11:47

Thankfully no. We did leave it and have a 6.5 year age gap though as first one was such hard work.
Second one an absolute dream.

First child now a teen and still hard work lol!

99calmbeforethestorm · 17/04/2019 11:51

Yes, I’m pregnant with number 2. DD is 3 in a couple of weeks. For us things got much easier when she was diagnosed to an allergy.

Now she is a dream.

poshredrose · 17/04/2019 11:54

My first was such hard work. Feeding, sleeping, out in buggy, cried and whinged almost non stop.
Second wasn't planned but was so easy compared to his sibling.

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MigGril · 17/04/2019 11:56

3.5 year age gap, had to persuade DH to have a second as DD was such hard work. Luckly DS was an easy baby, much more laid back and slept so much better.

We mite have had more if I could have guaranteed they be like DS not DD. But decided not to chance out luck and have stuck at 2. They seemed to switch personality at small child stage though, DD was lovely, DS hard work.

PhilomenaButterfly · 17/04/2019 11:57

Yes - I had 3 more! DS1 is now 28 and has a life-limiting illness, which was undiagnosed until he was 5, which was why he was always crying.

cliquewhyohwhy · 17/04/2019 11:58

Yeah I went on to have two more and now they are all nightmares lol.

Missillusioned · 17/04/2019 12:00

Yes, I had 2 more. And they were just the same. They all cried constantly until they could move under their own steam.

The later ones did sleep through a bit earlier tho.

DD - slept through at 14 months
DS 1 - 10 months
DS2 - between 5 and 10 months, can't remember exactly!

Shellingtonseaotter · 17/04/2019 12:00

We always wanted two children and so when DS was born and was a complete nightmare (he basically cried for 6 months solid and has whinged ever since) we decided if we were going to have another we would have them close together and get through the baby phase as quickly as possible. DD was the complete opposite!

NotMyUsualTopBilling · 17/04/2019 12:01

Yes.

At least I thought #1 was hard but he was not a patch on #2!

She was a total cling on, refusing to be put down anywhere, held by anyone except me and woke hourly until she was a year old. Now I think #1 wasn't so hard after all...

NellWilsonsWhiteHair · 17/04/2019 12:03

Nearly six years between mine. DC1 felt easier during the second year, started sleeping through at 2.5, I started feeling ready to have another when he turned 4 (waiting a bit longer was about getting other life things lined up).

DC2 not a fantastic sleeper either (13mths now) but has had spurts of being better and is definitely loads more chilled out. Life is nice. Sending love - it's hard not to compare but they are all different and they shine at different ages. Flowers

Tentativesteps133 · 17/04/2019 12:04

I have such a strong memory of crying in the shower about the same thing when DD was about 10 months old...I always wanted 3 but was so sad that I couldn't see how we could cope with more than one when it was so difficult. Luckily she started sleeping at about 13 months (still not great but only wakes once or not at all) and now at 16 months I definitely want to try for more soonish. So as with everything with babies, give it time and things might be completely different in a few weeks/months...

IntoValhalla · 17/04/2019 12:05

I had a second DC and am now pregnant with DC3.
DC1 was a very highly-strung refluxy baby. I think those things, plus the fact that I didn’t have a clue what the hell I was doing at first made for a very difficult first year. She’s remained high-maintenance toddler and the last 2 years in particular have been really hard, but fingers crossed she appears to be coming out of it now at almost 4yo.
I fell pregnant with DC2 when DC1 was 8 months old - completely unplanned! When he was born, I initially thought “omg I’ve got another difficult one” - but it turns out the poor little dot actually has a few life-threatening medical issues which were diagnosed after we nearly lost him at a few weeks old. Once he was properly diagnosed, we got a treatment plan in place, learned how to manage it all and he was no longer in constant pain, he was the most chilled out, calm, easy baby Smile DC2 was/is also a crap sleeper, but I was already tired from DC1, so it didn’t really make all that much difference. We co-slept with both of them, so DH could see to DD when she woke, and I could sort DS without either of us getting up. Maximised everyone’s sleep, and they both made the transition into their own beds at around 2yo. Dd is nearly 4, and sleeps pretty solidly nowadays unless there’s something wrong ie illness. DS is 2.5yo, and most nights only wakes once - but that’s because he still needs a “night feed” due to his medical issues. I’m sure if he didn’t need that, he would be sleeping solidly too.

ParisWilton · 17/04/2019 12:06

Yes but dd2 wasn't planned Blush and if I hadn't accidentally fell pregnant I doubt I would have had another. Dd2 is however much easier than dd1 and I'm finding everything much more of a breeze at the moment than I was expecting (she's 4 months so plenty of time for things to change!) I'm am glad I have a 3.5 year gap though, dd1 is such hard work and having her at nursery half the week makes life much easier.

Iggly · 17/04/2019 12:09

Yes! Ds didn’t sleep through consistently until about 2 ish but even then we had night wakings afterwards.

We went for another because we didn’t want a big gap nor did we want an only child and we did it quickly so that we didn’t get used to having sleep!

As it was dd was worse than ds. But now they’re 9&7, and it’s brilliant. They are very close, play awesomely with normal sibling bickering. Definitely worth the pain of the early years n

EmrysAtticus · 17/04/2019 12:21

No we haven't gone on to have another. DS had colic and reflux and didn't sleep and I had PND. We realised that one day our memories would fade and there would be a risk we would do it again so DH had a vasectomy when DS was still a baby to protect us against our future selves! DS is the easiest possible toddler and I would happily have another toddler but no way would I do the baby stage again.

Tweedypie · 17/04/2019 12:48

Kind of, number one was a dream but number two didn't sleep through for about 4 years!! Therefore we decided against a number three, though had wanted a bigger family.

TowerRingInferno · 17/04/2019 12:59

Had another one a year or so later.

In fact the first one ended up being much easier and the second, who was a dream baby, has been much more challenging altogether. He gave up sleeping from 9 months until he started school!

No regrets and would have liked a third but it wasn’t possible,

dangermouseisace · 17/04/2019 13:06

No...I had my 2nd only 18 months later! He was much easier. The 3rd though...well...

SoHotADragonRetired · 17/04/2019 13:12

Yes, but I didn't feel ready to try again until he was 2 and sleeping through. DC2 is also not a superb sleeper, but better than DC1 and generally a more chilled personality.

DelurkingAJ · 17/04/2019 13:17

Yes although we cheerfully admit that they’re further apart (3.5 years) than they would have been had DS1 slept. He only started reliably sleeping through when he started school. DS2 was a better sleeper as a baby but still (at 3) doesn’t sleep through. But they’re otherwise not difficult at all...it was just the sleep deprivation.

InterchangeableEmma · 17/04/2019 13:18

Yes, DC1 was very hard work. I had DC2 18 months after her because I desperately wanted 2 DC and I knew I couldn't face the idea of going back into baby-hell after things (inevitably) got better.

By the time DC1 finally slept though at almost 3, DC2 was almost 18 months and baby-hell was all but finished. It was hard but the right thing for us

bodgersmash · 17/04/2019 13:20

Mines nearly 12. Love him to death but he's been hard work since early days. Now diagnosed with ADHD, which I suspect is inherited from me.

I've still not been brave enough to have another, although sometimes I have stages of really wanting to have a baby again. Just too terrifying to imagine another the same. It's been a real slog.

stargirl1701 · 17/04/2019 13:20

Yes. DD1 was a high needs baby. DD2 was very easy going.

Walnutwhipster · 17/04/2019 13:24

The very reason there's 9 years between DS1 and DS2 plus I had HG. I was often asked if they were half brothers due to the gap. DS2 was a breeze in comparison.

User24689 · 17/04/2019 13:28

They're all different. It was the other way round for us though. DD slept through at 10 months and was an absolute dream at 18 months, always happy, slept 12 hrs at night and 2hrs in the afternoon.... So we had another. DS is still waking about 5 times a night at 18 months and if he naps any more than half an hour he won't go down for the night without a fight. We are exhausted.

There won't be a third!