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Original poster

If you had a difficult first baby- did you have another one?

42 replies

Sunandseaside · 17/04/2019 11:45

Or did you stick to one child?

I’m starting to wonder how anyone ever has more than one. DD has been such hard work and still doesn’t sleep at 10 months- I adore her and ideally wanted two children but I just don’t know how I would cope and don’t think DH would want to.

I’m very envious (and probably a bit resentful!) of my friends who have easy, sleeping, laidback babies and are already talking about the next one.

If your first baby was challenging did it put you off having another?

OP posts:

Eastie77 · 17/04/2019 13:30

DD was an extremely difficult baby who became a very easy toddler and is (mostly) a delightful 5 year old.

We went for no.2 and had DS who was the easiest baby ever. However he is now a 3 year old maniac and shows no signs of calming down- complete opposite to DD

Not sure which way round we preferred it tbh!

Ribbonsonabox · 17/04/2019 13:31

Yes and it was massively healing because my daughter has been such a lovely easy baby. I didnt get PND this time either. Actually I've found the two of them easier together than I found raising my son on his own!! My son is now 4 and so is sleeping through and much easier to deal with so that has to be factored in.... but I've really benefitted from having my daughter, we all have, even my son seems much happier to have a sibling. I'm very vry glad I wasnt put off... there was a 3 year age gap because I just couldn't bring myself to go through it all again before that... but I'm glad I eventually managed it.

crosser62 · 17/04/2019 13:33

10 years between mine for lots of reasons but the biggest reason is that I just couldn’t cope with another and the thought of having another just like our first child would send me into utter utter depths of depression.
I can’t even begin to bore you with the blackness that has blighted the first 5 years of my first child’s life .. and engulfed ours.

I am so SO happy that we did go on to have our second because I can honestly say that I now know what it is to be a happy relaxed mum to an easy going and fun child with no problems or issues.

It’s worlds apart from my first experience of being a mum.

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LorelaiVictoriaGilmore · 17/04/2019 13:41

Yes. But 10 months is very early days and I definitely wasn't thinking about baby #2 by then. I was hardly coping with baby #1 at that point. I definitely wouldn't be worrying about it yet!

SherlockSays · 17/04/2019 13:43

I have a 9 month old DD who is HARD work and also doesn't sleep. I'm kind of looking forward to going back to work in 2 weeks for the break (although I will also cry for weeks).

There'll definitely not be another. I was kind of decided on that even before she arrived but definite in my decision now.

Aimeeee · 17/04/2019 13:46

First baby - Long, difficult labour. Breastfeeding painful for about 8 weeks but we got there in the end. Didn't sleep through the night for the entire first year. After that he never napped, fell asleep at about 11pm and woke at 5am. He was (and still is) the brightest and liveliest kid and very rewarding but I never got a break. I lost four stone in weight in that first year (baby weight and more) because I was always on the go. Had my second baby three years later and she was soooooooooo easy. Slept through at 3 months, napped in the day until 18 months, feeding very easy. She was challenging in her own way though. My first definitely ended up with the more "easy going" personality, but that might be a boy-girl thing.

Ivegotthree · 17/04/2019 13:48

Yes I had two more and they were the best things I've ever done!

Loopytiles · 17/04/2019 13:49

The sleep thing was hardest for me, 2DC was six years of sleep deprivation, urgh.

DC2 was better sleeper than DC1, although still not great. With DC2 I was much better at self care and DH did much more night parenting.

Loopytiles · 17/04/2019 13:50

Am now many years on and it’s fine.

soberfabulous · 17/04/2019 13:50

i had a horrific newborn who never napped and never slept.

she is now 5 and am never having another one!

trilbydoll · 17/04/2019 13:55

DD1 wasn't a great sleeper, she's nearly 6 now and bedtime is still a performance. We took the attitude that a) there were 2 of us and b) best get it all out of the way at once and c) surely she'd grow out of it

DD2 is a better sleeper, sort of - I didn't make the same mistakes so anything that is my fault with dd1 wasn't repeated. They entertain each other a lot, so you get a bit of respite that way!

CookieSwirlC · 17/04/2019 14:10

Dd1 was a nightmare, never slept, barely napped and she is still quite hard work now at just turned 6.

Dd2 in comparison is a dream nowhere near as difficult, not the best sleeper still at 2 but mostly wakes now as she’s teething but naps every day for at least an hour and is just a much more easy going kid than her sister is.

CookieSwirlC · 17/04/2019 14:10

Oh but there won’t be a third as we can’t risk getting another like dd1!

Milkn0sugar · 17/04/2019 14:26

First DD (2.75 years) was a very demanding baby both during the day (no naps; only accepted breast milk from the breast for 17 months; wouldn't be put down in the day; screamed in the car; refused her Moses basket and crib at bedtime) and at night (first slept through at 14 months; hated bedtime until she was 2.5 - took ages to get her down; woke up every morning screaming. Predictably, she grew into a 'spirited' toddler (picky eater; tantrums galore; likes to do the opposite of what she is asked to do although this is pretty comedic to be fair). Second DD is only 4.5 months but has been very different - sleeping very well; eating very well; very contented and smiley; sleeps where she is put; has combination fed when needed; goes back to sleep happily after night feeds; only appears to cry if she has gas pains. I assumed that DD2 would be the same as DD1 but apparently not. That said, I wouldn't change DD1 for all the tea in China, all things considered.

Catchingbentcoppers · 17/04/2019 15:08

Yes we had another one. DS didn't seem to sleep AT ALL but he started to settle down and we got into a good routine when he was 2. Then I found out I was pregnant with DD panicked. She was a dream baby though.

Chilledout11 · 17/04/2019 15:10

Didn't give myself the chance as tried again for a baby as soon as I could. But give it some more time as 10 months is young and a hard stage.

PinguForPresident · 17/04/2019 15:15

Yes.#1 was hard work from conception! Awful pregnancy, hideous birth and then v v difficult baby/toddler/pre-schooler. She was simply furious about EVERYTHING from the moment she arrived. WE thought she might get easier when she learned to speak/move, but no! She started sleeping through the day that we brought her baby brother home from hospital - she was nearly 3! She was diagnosed with ADHD the week she turned 10, which explained a lot. She's a madly high-achieving whirlwind of a child, but she's given me more grey hair then I can believe.

#2 is much easier. He's beautiful, much easier going, and a delight to have around. Still didn't sleep, mind.

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