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Original poster

I fancy my dance teacher - what are my next steps?

36 replies

hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 09:37

Before you all think I am setting myself unattainable heights in going after a god-like young and supple body, it's not that type of dance class. Its more a slightly 'out there' spiritual thing and the teacher is an ordinary middle aged guy and I am a ordinary middle aged woman.

But he seems kind, and god knows, I could do with some kindness from someone in my life. I have been ignoring my feelings because I thought no-one could ever like me, and after my last abusive relationship, the thought of having sex with a man again disgusted me for a long time. I thought that side of me was destroyed forever . But last night I had a lot of sexual thoughts all about him. So maybe that side of me isn't dead after all.

Should I try to take things further and if so how? I thought maybe I could get to the class early to chat before anyone else arrives - just to get to know him better and see if there might be something there?

Part of me thinks - oh don't even try - you'll just make a fool of yourself and you've probably nothing in common (I don't actually have any supernatural beliefs despite the fact that I like going to spiritual things). But another part thinks - why not try? Don't I deserve at least a chance at being happy with someone?

I don't even know why I am posting this. Maybe I just wanted to put somewhere that I feel slightly alive again for the first time in a long time.

OP posts:
TroysMammy · 14/04/2019 09:40

I fancy my dance teacher - what are my next steps? Foxtrot? Sorry, couldn't resist Grin

Sparklingbrook · 14/04/2019 09:40

Oh that's lovely that you have found a spring in your step again.

Have you any idea of any feelings he may have for you? How well do you know him?

LordProfFekkoThePenguinPhD · 14/04/2019 09:41

Don’t do it!

Palominoo · 14/04/2019 09:41

Nothing wrong with chatting and finding out a bit more about him.

My advice though is if he is interested, not to leap in and take things at your own pace in order to become close.

IvanaPee · 14/04/2019 09:43

I wouldn’t do anything unless I thought it was reciprocated, and how could you know if you only see him when he’s teaching a dance class??

Presumably he treats all of his students the same?

Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 09:47

Well, my question was really how to get to know him better. I wasn't planning to do a massive dance leap onto him - pinning him to the ground and tearing his shirt off or anything....

I was wondering how to get to know him to see if there might be anything there between us....

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 09:48

I used to know someone who dated who yoga teacher - she fancied him when she started his class - they ended up together for years. So its not impossible...

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 09:48

Troysmammy - that made me laugh!

OP posts:
Palominoo · 14/04/2019 09:50

What about after the class asking if anyone wants to go for a coffee? Just a general invite that would require a response from him.

danahnahnahnah · 14/04/2019 09:51

You need to find out if he's single firstly!

Do you know the other class members well enough to suggest a social drink as a group? Then make sure you sit with him all evening!

Or hang around a bit longer after/turn up a bit earlier so you can strike up conversation. Although if you did this every time if might be strange- but then again he might just see that you're interested?

Or you could be bold and just ask him out?!

IvanaPee · 14/04/2019 09:52

I think showing up early or taking your time at the end so you have the chance to chat is your best option. You might get a vibe about whether he likes you or not.

Zoflorabore · 14/04/2019 09:53

Hi op, if nothing else, it's great that this man has made you realise that you are still a sexual being and you can get those feelings
back.

Is he available? Has he shown any interest in you?

If the answer is yes then bloody well go for it :) what have you got to lose?
Good luck.

Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 09:55

What about after the class asking if anyone wants to go for a coffee? That fills me with horror!

I think I need to go more slowly. Think I will start by chatting to him more before class. Maybe I can build up to offering to help him clear his stuff away after class. Maybe then, if we seem to get on, I could build up to a coffee invite. Mind you, moving this slowly I'll be bloody menopausal before there's any chance of mattress dancing....

Has anyone else been in this situation? How did you handle it?

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Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 09:59

Yes I do need to establish if he is single (and indeed straight). I think he is, he certainly hasn't mentioned a partner.

He is friendly but hasn't shown any particular interest in me, but then I haven't done anything so far to make him think I like him. I think we need to talk more to see if there is a connection.

OP posts:
Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 10:01

Hmm. social drink idea is a possibility - we do that at another dance class I go to. Doesn't seem to be a thing here but I could maybe try testing the water with this.

OP posts:
EvaHarknessRose · 14/04/2019 10:04

Ask if he is on social media and friend request? Really, its just finding ways to express your interest, but also sidestepping the possibility he is dating or married.

sonjadog · 14/04/2019 10:11

I suggest you get there early a couple of times and chat while helping him set up. Then you can get a general impression of who he is and see if you still fancy him or not.

Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 10:13

Eva - just checked facebook and he is on it but clearly doesn't use it as only posts are annual ones when people wish him happy birthday. No photos or messages that suggest he is with someone. But obviously need more info to know for sure.

OP posts:
Ladygaggia · 14/04/2019 10:20

The Facebook thing just demonstrates that he has his page set to private. If you were friends you'd see more content.

Definitely aim for a group drinks thing so that you can get to see him in a non teaching setting. I

Original poster
hopefulglimmer · 14/04/2019 10:24

Oh right. I'm not very good with facebook - I thought the fact I could see anything meant it was public. i will send a friend's request then. I can see other people from the class are his facebook friends, so I shouldn't look like a stalker..

OP posts:
Zoflorabore · 14/04/2019 10:31

Oh yes op, friend request him and then you will find out a bit more about him.
Do some detective work Grin

ScreamingValenta · 14/04/2019 10:36

Chatting to him about what he does in his free time is a good way to find out if he is single. Ask him if he's doing anything nice at the weekend or if he has any holidays planned. Answers to these sorts of questions usually begin with 'we' if the person has a partner.

UbercornsGoggles · 14/04/2019 10:44

I know someone who is happily married to their dance teacher - it happens. Arriving early for a chat and to see if there seems to be a spark sounds like a good way to go.

Good luck, and congratulations on finding that side of yourself again.

Dowser · 14/04/2019 10:59

Dear Floss,

Well as it takes two to tango, you could quickstep up to him, show him your pirouette, radetzky March him to a coffee shop for latte and a merengue or rum - ba ba , naturally wearing your best polka dot dress but do be ballet ( Bally) careful not to slip in your high heels as you don’t want to slip and show him your black bottom...well not just yet anyway 😂

No doubt Morris (dance teacher) Can Can handle all these female fan dancers fandangoing around him, wanting him to show them his hornpipe
So I would go out on a limbo , play it cool, give it a bit of time warp before you waltz off together into the moon walk 👍

LuckyLou7 · 14/04/2019 11:30

Definitely check he's single before you make any kind of move on him. A sexual dream doesn't mean anything - I dreamt I shagged Chris Tarrant once and I definitely don't fancy him. I still recoil in horror if I see him on TV.

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