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Original poster

Housewarming gift price range?

835 replies

NoCanoe · 13/04/2019 17:10

I originally offered to buy a gift once my friends were settled and knew what they wanted. There had been talk of wanting to replace dinner plates, bed linen , towels etc.

They now have said they will forgo the non essential items in favour of something more practical.

That's fine. But because I never stipulated a budget at the time when it was a general idea, Im now being presented with an invoice far greater than anticipated.

Im just wondering if Im out of touch with price range these days, or am I being taken advantage of?

Id like some idea of what you'd consider normal price range before I say how much I am actually being asked for.

I do feel I have no option but to honour the commitment. But I'm a bit miffed.

OP posts:
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Palominoo · 14/04/2019 19:23

They have form for this dreadful behaviour and you won’t be the only one funding their lifestyle.

It’s like the old loan trick. They borrow money then diligently pay it back. Maybe do it again and everyone’s all chummy. Then they ask to borrow a lot more and because they paid it back before the victim readily lends the money only for it never to be paid back.

Your so called friends are scuzzy low life’s masquerading as friends.

They might have respectable faces but behind the facade is a pair of scrounging pair of despoilers.

Tell these bandits that the Stagecoach you’re riding in will not stop and be held up by them!

Neolara · 14/04/2019 19:26

I would not reply tonight at all. See what their next move is. Actually, I'd probably not reply at all.. Don't engage. Will drive the cf potty.

Palominoo · 14/04/2019 19:28

Make the fuckers stew by saying your bank account has been subjected to a Fraud review and you cannot transfer any funds.

You can however write cheques and you’ve posted a cheque to them.

Only of course you will do no such thing and can enjoy posting empty envelopes to them! Picture with glee their ruddy faces red with excitement as the envelope drops on the mat with your handwriting.

It’s curtains for their scamming way I tell ya!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Events & celebrations General shopping
misskatamari · 14/04/2019 19:29

Bloody hell OP, what an absolute pair of cheeky bastards! Please please do not give them the money. This is in no way your fault, you are not obligated to pay them anything. It's so out of order for them to expect you to.

ThatDeadlyJetty · 14/04/2019 19:30

Text them back that yes, you understand their desperation, and you could stretch to FUCK OFF.

Theclearing · 14/04/2019 19:33

OP I had a friend who was quite skint but with phenomenally wealthy parents who once, on getting huffy because we wouldn’t all give wads of cash for wedding presents (not culturally done where I am from) insisted she wanted a sofa. I said firmly ‘I think it’s more along the lines of a photo frame than furniture, love’ (we were all paying $$$ to go to destination wedding) and that shut it down.

I would say, ‘oh my goodness, how horrifically embarrassing, I really don’t understand how you could think that is appropriate. A nice candle or a pot plant is what I was thinking! Although I think we should both just back away from the whole idea of a present at all at this point and just pretend this episode didn’t happen!’

BE FIRM.

OnlyFoolsnMothers · 14/04/2019 19:33

I’d send
“Wow this is awkward. So not to spoil our friendship probably better I just send you a present. Speak soon x”

That way u save 100quid and they look bad/ show their true colours if they pushed further.

wittyusermane · 14/04/2019 19:34

@NoCanoe, I'd much rather be a kind and generous person who thinks the best of people, like you, than be anything like these 'friends'. I'm sure you are feeling upset but I hope you are holding your head up high.

Palominoo · 14/04/2019 19:35

Please please please on behalf of us all OP, will you send them this DVD as a housewarming present with love from your Mumsnet friends?!

www.amazon.co.uk/Dirty-Rotten-Scoundrels-Steve-Martin/dp/B00005KISR/ref=mp_s_a_1_2?s=gateway&keywords=dirty+rotten+scoundrels&tag=mumsnetforu03-21&qid=1555266813&sr=8-2

wittyusermane · 14/04/2019 19:36

Such a good film! Grin^ May I take your trident sir...^

Palominoo · 14/04/2019 19:38

wittyusermane - it’s a brilliant film! I haven’t seen it for awhile so must look for it online.

woodhill · 14/04/2019 19:42

Brilliant film - so clever

SlipperOrchid · 14/04/2019 19:43

Onlyfools post is very good.

But OP you need to end this relationship and not go back and forth with emails and messages while they continue to try to muddle you.

UCOinanOCG · 14/04/2019 19:48

Just stop responding to their messages. They will soon get the message.

SandAndSea · 14/04/2019 19:53

OP, you sound lovely and I'm so sorry you're in this situation. For what it's worth, I don't think you should give them anything. Literally nothing and certainly not £100/350/550 or whatever the latest figure might be.

A friend of mine was on tinder and kept being matched with men who 'worked at sea' and other such places. They kept having urgent expenses too. They would also switch the tone when their demands for money didn't work. Your 'friend' is using remarkably similar tactics.

RainbowFox · 14/04/2019 19:56

I've not replied yet. Im really not in the right frame of mind at the moment.

You don't have to reply at all, especially not tonight. I would just leave it for now, maybe distract yourself with something tonight like a boxset or movie. You may find after you've had some headspace things will be a bit clearer in a few days and you'll be more ready with what to do next . Although I would expect you may hear from them again but that might help with any decisions.

I expect you're in a bit of shock at not only the behaviour on this occasion but the realisation of what's happened in the past too. Don't beat yourself up about it though. They are the CFers and you are not to blame for anything.

NaturatintGoldenChestnut · 14/04/2019 19:57

Yeah, just stop responding. Gits.

NWQM · 14/04/2019 20:00

@Palominoo Smile

AutumnCrow · 14/04/2019 20:00

The fact is, you don't want to hear from them again.

So you can easily end the 'friendship', delete and block. Give them nothing. If you do, you're being manipulated.

GiantKitten · 14/04/2019 20:02

Flowers for you, OP.

It’s horrible to discover people you thought of as friends have been so manipulative Sad

SandAndSea · 14/04/2019 20:06

OP, have you googled the curtain supplier from the invoice?

woolduvet · 14/04/2019 20:08

Rephrase their words back to them.
Yes it was a big misunderstanding on your part, I've worked out my finances and can manage to stretch to £x (preferably £20!).
Or
Just ignore....

BackforGood · 14/04/2019 20:12

Wow. Can't believe that reply. Shock

Please do not send them anything.
Even without the previous times they have wangled money out of you, this situation as a 'stand alone' is just shocking. No-one would treat a friend like that. I'm sorry to say they have just been using you. I am glad you have now seen through it, with the help of everyone on this thread.
Please, please do not send them a further penny.

BocolateChiscuit · 14/04/2019 20:13

Tell them they’ve upset you OP if you want to let them more gently. I’m a soft touch too but wouldn’t pay anything and would maybe send something like:

I’m actually really upset by all this. I feel bad that you’ve somehow taken my offer to believe I can pay £550 for curtains for you. I’m now even more upset that once I’ve explained it’s a misunderstanding and you’ve admitted you got carried away, you still seem to be pushing me for more money than I have to offer you. It doesn’t feel like something a friend would do and I certainly wouldn’t be asking you for more money than you could offer. At the moment I’m so upset by this that I don’t feel I want to offer anything. I was offering a gift as a friend and at the moment I don’t believe you’re acting like a friend to me.

SJGR · 14/04/2019 20:14

Oh sweetheart - I really feel for you - you obviously have a heart of gold.

@NoCanoe don't let yourself stew

If I were you I would reply tonight and nip it in the bud - there have been some great suggestions of replies and here's mine...

"To be honest I'm so shocked you wouldn't have checked the budget before ordering seen as you can't afford it yourself (and there are two of you)... we've been here before where you've asked for money and spent it on other things - I have bent over backwards to help you out and thought you would take my offer of a gift as being something positive rather than taking advantage. Most people are lucky to get a pot plant and a bottle of wine when they move house and so you are so far from any normal budget I don't know how to explain it to you."

What you do with your £100 is up to you. I liked someone's suggestion if pay £50 deposit and £50 for a gift. I would be inclined to pay nothing tbh.

You are worth so much more than being treated like this - but honestly - don't sleep on it - get the reply out there, or you won't sleep - say you have nowhere else to go financially and that you are shocked that they're being so greedy and presumptuous... once the reply has gone then turn off your phone and go to bed... if they reply still demanding money then just reply again saying that you have decided not to send money for a present as you feel you're being manipulated but you'll bring something when you visit. Will you get an invite? Will you accept it?