I've never been 'naughty' with substances. Have I missed out?

[XavierSaviour]

I feel like I have. I know I'll be getting flamed for this post. I feel so bloody boring.

I have never touched a cigarette (okay, not completely true. A boyfriend once asked me to hold his fag whilst he tied his shoe. I yelped in fear it would burn me!).

I have never touched coke. Not even a tiny bit. My dad was very successful and confident and he did use coke as a recreational drug, so I'm told.

Have I missed out on anything? I know lots of people who do still take it and have taken it. My own mum used it to get her through a university degree. She stopped only because of me. And has never touched it since.

People who no longer use it but did always give me a similar answer along the lines of "Ahh, those were the days. I'd never do it now. But it was good".

I know most Mumsnet folk won't admit it perhaps but have I missed out on something? DH took it on the odd occasion when he was younger. He said it isn't worth it. Not really.

Stress is really getting to me at the moment and when I look at someone lighting up a cigarette, I always wonder if it'd be nice I said the other day "Oh you know what? I really fancy a fag". DH looked at me like I had two heads and laughed! Purely because I've never smoked. The same goes for alcohol (I don't like the taste), so I can't use that to unwind.

I'd love to feel 'invincible' like some people claim it makes them feel. Family are always doing it at any given type of party or celebration and I feel like the odd ball. I've never fitted into their confident EastEnd type persona of confidence and sheer sense of togetherness when having a dance or party. I always feel like the 'well to do' one and I hate it. I wish I could let go like they can.

I've never done any of these 'naughty' things because of fear. Fear of lung cancer, fear of a heart attack etc. The fag thing being addiction related, the coke thing being a worry from the get go since I know it can technically kill you from the first try.

I had my first spliff when I was 42.

I have to be honest, I loved it.

I would also like to add that since having dc and taking a massive step back from drugs of any sort other than prescription (stopped smoking the minute the line turned pink and haven't looked back, Ditto put and legal highs, and very rarely drink and haven't been drunk since before I was pregnant barring the night my grandad died) my mental health has improved tenfold.

I don't know if it's the lack of mind altering substances, the more stable lifestyle and routine, the pure joy that is my dc or a combination of the three, but I certainly feel immeasurably better, in basically every way since 'getting clean'

Thanks to everyone here who has replied

That's another reason I have never taken anything - You'll always want that 'high' again. And normal life isn't like being on a substance. I always worried about chasing that original high so never bothered.

I'm in my twenties so perhaps I need to have a word with even younger me, who would've raised an eyebrow and told me to give my head a wobble! Younger me would be very disappointed with my current thoughts and temptation.

Funny how none of these things ever appealed to me in my care free years.

The lack of quality control is a massive issue for me. I work in pharma, we do so many tests to show our drugs are safe and what we say they are, can't imagine wanting to take something made in someone's garage, then cut with who knows what. It's a game of russian roulette and the highs aren't worth the risk of death. I'm not a good drunk though (low tolerance so get pissed quickly and then I fall asleep) and hated feeling out of control on pethidine. Though gas and air was incredible though but the fact that it wore off so quickly was a big part of that.

I think some people need that stimulation more than others, as a young adult I regularly didn't drink on nights out because I was driving and far prefer being sober to being drunk. But I had friends who couldn't cope with being sober on a night out.

I’ve taken loads of drugs before I was a parent and had a great time but it’s not something you need to do. Your life will be just fine if you never try it. It’s just like getting drunk. It’s fun at the time but you can manage without it and you wouldn’t want to do it all the time.

I've never had a cigarette either. I've never even seen drugs let alone taken them. Would have no idea where to get some!

I'm not a good drunk though (low tolerance so get pissed quickly and then I fall asleep) and hated feeling out of control on pethidine. Though gas and air was incredible though but the fact that it wore off so quickly was a big part of that

Me too! Im sleepy and falling over myself after two small bottles of WKD. Embarrassingly so.

I never tried pethidine but I bloody loved gas and air. I took a few puffs and started talking complete and utter shit to anyone that would listen. I was full of confidence and genuinely felt like I was the 'Big I Am'. It was amazing. I had to put it down because I started an argument with my mum mid labour and I felt like it heightened feelings of anger, which was incredibly strange. I thought about someone recently who done me wrong and I had a undoubtably strong urge to physically harm them.

Which is incredibly strange. I'd never hurt a fly usually! And I'm very lax.

That's another reason I have never taken anything - You'll always want that 'high' again. And normal life isn't like being on a substance. I always worried about chasing that original high so never bothered

I think that’s a shame if that’s the reason. As said above I experimented a lot when younger. Had the best times of my life which I’ll be forever grateful for. Now I’m in my 40s and a parent I don’t feel the need so much - older adults who’ve enjoyed drugs recreationally in their youth don’t spend the rest of their lives ‘chasing a high.’ They’re mostly just happy with the wonderful memories of a life lived to the full.

I feel a bit like you OP

When my older cousin ended up with schizophrenia after long term marijuana use, I made a decision to steer well clear. It wrecked my family. I was about 15

I always saw my boring non-use of drugs as a character flaw, as a weakness, as being a bit pathetic.

DH, who has tried everything, always said he sees it as strength of character in.me, not a weakness but a strength

I am not judgemental about friends using it, though I hate the disconnect you get when everyone is off to a different planet, so to speak, and you can feel a bit alone.

Same when everyone is pissed.

DH' sister calls me "the social worker" as she's never seen me off my head on drink/drugs

But yeah, something inside me really hates drugs and even alcohol.

Been drunk many, many, many times.

Smoked fags occasionally as a teen/early 20s but I couldn’t get the hang of them and they were foul.

The ONE time I tried cannabis was a disaster. My then BF gave me a lump of cannabis resin. A big lump. Trying to show off I ate the lot. Severe paranoia, uncontrollable shaking and sheer terror ensued. That evening resulted in severe mental health problems for about 3 years. Fucked up uni and I have no real memories of those years. Truly dreadful times.

After that I even stopped drinking alcohol for many years because the thought of being that out of control again was too frightening.

However, here I am 25 years later and enjoying a chilled glass of Albariño!

I can't imagine wanting to take something made in someone's garage, then cut with who knows what. It's a game of russian roulette and the highs aren't worth the risk of death

@countfosco very very few people die from taking recreational drugs. In your line of work you should be aware of that. Far more die from alcohol. It’s not playing Russian Roulette with your life.....

It’s not playing Russian Roulette with your life..... With respect, I really think it is. However, I accept that the fact I lost a friend when I was at Uni is probably the reason for that.

I've never been into drugs as I hate the thought of taking something which may make me feel out of control, I hate that feeling.

I puffed my dads cigarette when I was 7 as I was really curious as to why people wanted to suck on these weird paper smelling sticks, coughed my guts up and never touched one since, never done drugs, any drugs and on.y drank when I was 15 with my friends, however I’ve never been drunk, I was always the sober one 😂

I've taken acid ecstasy coke speed mushrooms & pot ( not all at once obv) had some fun times in my youth & made some good memories - who knows I might indulge again in the future - I'm planning on growing old very disgracefully

It just doesn’t interest me and I have no desire to start. I grew up with alcoholic grandparents so know the effects it can have.

I love smoking but I think if you don't like the taste of alcohol you definitely won't like smoking. I don't smoke though. Because I have a small baby who I don't want passive smoke around, and an impressionable preteen who I don't want thinking it's normal/acceptable, like I did when I was growing up.

Being on other drugs, I've done a couple of times, it's OK, nothing amazingly worth it. You can get the same sensations (minus the party of course) from prescription drugs you hopefully won't need. And it sounds so cheesy but no drug high can come close to being high on life - you know when you're having the best time, laughing till your face hurts, or having an orgasm so intense you "leave the room", or being so so proud of something you've achieved.

Me neither OP, but I have drunk gallons of red wine!

You didn't miss out on anything. I find it's the opposite, I feel I wasted so many years when I was younger going out and getting wasted when there was so many better things I could have been doing before I had kids and became more restricted. Also, you can look your kids in the eye and answer honestly when they ask if you've ever tried cigarettes, drugs etc (which they will no doubt do at some point) whereas I have been practising my best 'of course not' for years preparing for that moment that I have to lie okay maybe I won't lie about having tried a cigarette but I don't think I'll be sharing details of the countless grams of coke, acid tabs and ecstasy that I consumed during my late teens

@Science9 - I've been honest with my DS who is 21 and at University - he's grateful for that - most of his friends can't talk to their parents about drugs or much else come to that.

Having experience of various substances means that I'm more or less aware of what's out there - let's face it the stuff is everywhere & God knows what's in it these days

Obviously I would much rather he didn't try anything at all.

I think that yes, you've missed out, but it's what you think that counts.

I think you’ve missed out. These things feel great which is why so many people do it. Of course liking it too much and getting addicted is the opposite side

I socially smoke, smoked pot, taken ecstasy, speed and coke in the past. Wouldn't touch it now.

There's certainly a nostalgia for "that time". We were young, dumb and fancy-free. I remember chatting absolute shite, listening to 80s music, curling up under the duvet with my friend watching Breakfast at Tiffany's mashed out of our faces after a warehouse rave in Crystal Palace. Chain smoking and writing lists about our hopes and dreams.

Then I remember barricading myself in my living room for an entire day with box sets of the OC, the kettle and a cold box of KFC staving off the Tuesday Blues. The Albanian drug dealers who used to threaten to stab male counterparts because they made a joke about one of them being gay. The fact I'd wake up absolute brassic because I just had to buy everybody a drink in the bar because I felt so loved up. Crying looking out of a window at a tube of commuters because I realised that I'd have to do that myself one day.

I had a fab time in my youth but I think it was only a fab tone because I look back with nostalgia.

So, no. I think you probably didn't miss out. The same way that people just have different lives. And the fuzzy warm "ohhh! Those were the days" glow usually misses out all the gritty miserable parts of doing it.

Can't miss what you never had. I've tried various drugs in my much younger yrs and tbh even then didn't see the fuss and didn't entertain them much after the initial experimenting. mainly with amphetamines, They just made me feel more awake, erratic and talk lots of absolute shite that felt like I was coming out with the meaning of life(speed). Come downs are horrid and if you've been "up" for two or three days straight then the hallucinations mixed with come down is horrific. Coke is even more of a let down basically like having a shot of caffeine imo, nothing fantastic about it or maybe I've had crap coke.

I stayed away from the freely available hallucinagenics as I drew the line at not being able to control what I could see or feel.

Weed, smoked it often enough and I was greedy with it to the point of blackouts. It turned me into a zombie but not for long as decided it didn't suit me and wasn't the life I wanted.

If you've never smoked a cig before then I'd reccomend not going there, I haven't really smoked for yrs and the smell makes me heave. If I was to smoke a cig now I'd feel ill half way through it.

The risk of addiction or health implications is another thing.

I do t think you’ve missed out. If you’d taken them there’s a reasonable chance you’d be dead.

I've done lots of that stuff and I can honestly say it benefited me not one bit. I've been trying to quit smoking for years, been in alcohol and drug treatment more than once (been doing well for many years though) and wish I'd spent my pre-kid years more wisely.

The fear is healthy. I wish I'd had more of it.