Paying to chose seats on flights

[PinotAndPlaydough]

We are going away on our first family holiday soon. Kids have never been abroad and DH and I haven’t been abroad for 10 years. We have scrimped and saved for this and literally every penny counts.
Have just looked at reserving seats and to book them there and back is £65. That’s a fair chunk of money for us and money I’d much rather spend when we are out there.

Despite this I think we should book seats, eldest child has asd and I’m not sure how they’ll react to flying and the youngest is only 5. No way would any of us be happy about having to sit separately. DH says that while one of us might be sat away from the kids there’s no way they’ll separate two young kids from their parents.
It’s been so long I don’t know how things work any more, is it worth the risk, can we just queue up and try and make sure we board first?
I’m really not sure this is a risk I want to take? Any advice from more seasoned travellers?

It's a cost I factor into flights. I usually select our seats at booking. The flight is (the worst) part of the holiday so I like my family to all be together, I also have horrible flight anxiety so need DH with me to help me keep calm.

And no, I wouldn't move if I've paid, especially as I do so as early as possible.

Squee123 experiences is exactly why people should realise booking and paying for seats is not a guaranteed way of seating together and other passengers may take priority over them.

All those that say it’s unfair if you’ve paid - think again

I am wondering if some people think paying for seats gives them some kind of moral high ground. Paying for a seat does NOT give you any kind of absolute right to a seat. It gives you the option to get the selected seat but health and safety issues and/or issues around reasonable adjustments/disability will always take priority.
The whole paying for seats is a marketing ploy by airlines to make extra money.

Ryanair seated me next to DS2 (ASD) for free.

I’d want my kids sat next to me as well.

I wish that the flight prices were quoted with seats and a hold bag in the first place then you could consciously deselect seating and baggage. Psychologically people would feel different about actually deciding not to sit together.

It is mandatory for airlines to seat young children with a parent or carer. That is the reason why Ryanair does it for "free". There is also legislation re reasonable adjustment. This has nothing to do with selecting/deselecting. The issue with setting kids under 12 near parents/carers is a simple health and safety one. In case of an emergency a parent fighting to get to their child is a significant risk. Also there are issues re duty of care if there is an issue where a young child is seated without responsible adult and needs help (asthma, anxiety, vomiting etc) or makes allegations re the adult beside them. This is the reason why people will be moved about before take off if seats are needed. Airline staff will ask and if nobody volunteers to change seats they will love people whether they have paid or not. If people refuse to co-operate that can be taken off the flight irrespective of having paid for a seat.

If you want seats together pay it is part of the holiday and will give you peace of mind. I get you want a holiday but If your budget is that tight how will you cope with unexpected extras which sometimes occur on holiday as one of the other posters said could you budget on something else to have a bit of spare money for extras?. I am sure if you paid for your seats and someone with needs prioritised over your family and you were asked to move you would not be happy being asked to move and why should you if you have paid. Not every need or disability is visible, some people are nervous flying and want to sit with family. Pay, enjoy the flight and have a wonderful holiday

It is not mandatory to seat children next to their parents. It's a guideline and recommended by the CAA but not mandatory.

Here is the bit from the Ryanair website (and Ryanair are famous to charge for whatever they can)
It is mandatory for children under 12 (excl. infants) to be seated next to an adult they are travelling with. In order to minimise customer costs, Ryanair allows a free allocated seat to a maximum of four children per one adult that purchases a seat. It will not be mandatory for any other adults or teenagers in the booking to reserve a seat; however they may choose to do so.

I detest having to pay for seats but I do it every time as I've seen kids having to sit away from their parents, kids in tears and parents causing an uproar as they thought the seat charges wouldn't apply to them. It shouldn't happen but it does, so I'm glad to see you're paying it as it would cause too much stress for you and your kids if you got separated.

Enjoy your holiday!

Thanks everyone, annoyingly we had to pay for all four of us so I couldn’t pay for just me and the kids and leave the husband to fend for himself.
We’ve forked our but I am also going to contact the airline and see what they say about my eldest having asd. Hopefully we can get a refund on at least her seats.

I wonder what would happen if a parent paid to sit their screaming child at the front of the plane whilst they say at the back...?

Personally, I'd pay for your dh and both kids to sit together, and I'd pay the extra to reserve a seat for yourself somewhere far distant. Then say to dh "Oh what a pity, have a nice flight". Get your book out, get a glass of wine, start your holiday early.

Venus the op has clearly said she couldn't do that

I pay so that my 23yr old, with SN, and I can sit together. If some arse thinks I’m going to look after their child or move to accommodate a family, they can think again. Even though we go through special assistance, I still pay, because I like the extra leg room.

It isn't mandatory to seat children next to their parents and from experience the cabin crew won't always help. I went on a flight recently and I noticed that many families had been separated (including my own) and that there were a lot of single people sat in middle chairs which seemed a deliberate ploy to separate families and couples. Lots of shuffling around caused a delay with take off.

there were a lot of single people sat in middle chairs which seemed a deliberate ploy to separate families and couples.

Lots of people book those seats in the hope of getting a full row to stretch out in. Not necessarily the airline doing that.

I disagree sliding. if we're talking about the average budget airline holiday flight to Europe, these are often just about full in my experience, it's rare that there are more than a couple of empty seats, and I never travel in the school holidays, when they are almost certainly completely full.

So no-one is going to get a row to themselves by that tactic. I've just booked Ryanair flights for me and DP and they know that the middle seat is the least popular, and there was a strong implication, that we know plays out in reality with them, that if you don't pay to choose a seat, that they will separate us and give us middle seats.

As we can happily sit apart for a couple of hours to save a few quid, we haven't paid. The consequence of this is that we can't check in until 2 days before we fly, by which time, it will definitely be take what is left, which may be a middle seat, or may be an aisle/window seat, we don't particularly care. In fact it may less likely to be a middle seat, as lots of families will have paid for adjacent seats and it could well be that Ryanair have found quite a fair middle ground for families, where you pay for one adult seat and that allows you to choose up to 4 DC seat for free, thus working out a lot cheaper than the OPs airline which has made her pay £65 to choose the whole family's seats.

As it happens, we've had the extra legroom seats for free on a couple of occasions by not paying and not checking in until the last minute, as they were the only ones that were left.

I’d rather walk than fly Ryanair so no idea what they do. But the last out of season, European holiday easyjet I flew on had loads of people that had paid to book middle seats so that they could stretch out.

Well, there's no way would I pay extra for a middle seat, the chances of having the space to stretch out is a very slim one. I can't remember the last time I was on a flight that wasn't full. I also wouldn't like to take the risk of then having couples talking and passing things over me. I would swap places with them if they were willing to.

With DH taken off it’s down to £40ish which seems more manageable. It jut means the Easter holidays will involve park trips, woodland walks (probably a lot more tv grin) and picnics instead of bowling, swimming, cinema, lunch out etc.

If you can get bowling, cinema and lunch out for a family of 4 for £40 then I’m going wrong somewhere!

If you can afford a holiday abroad then surely £40
really isn’t much compared to the whole cost? As others have suggested phone the airline and see if they will seat an adult next to your child with ASD for free because of their disability.

We go away in June with the dc, we paid £100 extra to sit together hell would freeze other before I would move because someone was too tight to cough up to pay. It’s part of the cost of going abroad its just as much as it is paying for you’re luggage and transfers. We also go away as a couple in May paid extra to sit together and again no way would we move so someone else could benefit at my expense. You factor that cost into you’re holiday op.

Obviously we can’t afford all those things for £40 but it would certainly cover bowling for 2 kids and then maybe a cheap lunch somewhere.
If you read the op you would see we have scrimped and saved for this holiday and it’s take us 2 years to afford what’s a pretty basic European holiday. £40 isn’t a huge amount but it’s still a lot to us (it’s the weekly shop!) when you have to budget carefully

You’re right that I should have factored it in, not having flown for 10 years and never having done it with kids means I didn’t realise it would be something to factor in, I naively presumed kids would be sat with their parents.