I'm utterly torn. Bit of a rant, sorry.

[Squiff70]

Hi everyone.

I'm 36 (nearly 37) and have no surviving children.

I had a late miscarriage (twins) in January this year at 19 weeks and since losing our son and daughter I've gained weight despite the stress. I'm 5ft 9 and 89kg so rather hefty, I admit that, and am trying everything I can think of to get the weight down (even went to the GP for Olistat yesterday which he willingly prescribed).

We feel mentally ready to try gain for another baby but I'm fucked if I want to add baby weight to this existing blubber! I've been sticking to 1500 calories for 5 weeks so far but ony lost a depressing 3lbs, which I consider a fluctuation as some daays it goes back on :(

The problem is this: we're running out of months/years to try for another baby due to my age and health. DP thinks I can have a baby now and lose the weight later rather than end up hitting 40-ish with no children and having to struggle through IVF or similar. I cannot BARE the thought of weighing one gram more than I already do. I'm waiting for surgery to repair a tendon in my ankle so exercising is very limited, although I am doing what I can. Eating a very low fat diet, counting every single calorie etc. The weight won't budge, partly because I have thyroid issues and my body is adjusting to meds. Problem also is if I get pregnant I can't have the ankle surgery, which could be a year from now potentially.

What do you think I should do? Or is there something we haven't through of? Any advice appreciated.

So sorry about the miscarriage OP.

I think it's definitely right to crack on, don't worry about the weight. In fact when I became pregnant I lost loads of weight got really slim legs/arms. After I have birth I was 2 stone lightwe than before i was pregnant. Crazy how bodies work sometimes!

Key thing us good, nutritious food and SLEEP! If you're stressed out then sleep is a major factor in weight loss, so make sure you prioritise that a long with all the bike etc that you're doing. What you may find more effective though is some low impact hiit twice a week, 20mins and build up to 3 x per week (after weight sessions). YouTube has loads and low impact so no jumping and hurting joints while you're a bit heavier.

After i gave birth i was 2 stones lighter*

I'd love to go swimming but don't live anywhere near a public pool without getting three or four buses in each direction with a long walk. I don't drive unfortunately.

Can we please drop the adoption/fostering/surrogacy conversation now? I appreciate your comments but it's just adding to my stress which is something I could do without just now.

Sorry Squiff, I totally understand why it is stressful. I'm not sure why it came up in the first place. I won't be saying anything more on the subject.

@Tolleshunt lmao 'not sure why it came up in the first place' it came up as a valid alternative thanks.🙄😂

I'm distraught about my weight but would be more distraught at the thought of never having a child.

There's your answer then. If you find the right diet for you, you won't necessarily gain much weight while pregnant. And just rest your ankle as much as you can.

Sorry for your loss
I can't help thinking that as you've only recently had a late miscarriage, your body is still in flux and trying to lose weight is likely to be unsuccessful. Your hormones will be all over the place. I think you need to focus on wellness. Eating a nourishing healthy diet is good for you physically and psychologically whereas strict calorie control just really gets you down. I've recently started weight watchers because I felt I was eating crap and I think it actually makes you eat nutritious food and I love it. Perhaps you could try that with the focus being on developing healthy habits.

I wonder if you looked up wheelchair-user fitness regimes, if that would help you, OP. I'm thinking of things like kettle bells, pressups, upper body fitness that wouldn't need your ankle. Something like rowing machine or stationery bike, too (activity to do one legged).

In your place I wonder if I would work out a calorie-restricted meal plan & activity regime with my partner. Come up with a few versions written out on paper & choose one each day (try to plan a whole week in advance). Allowed any extra fitness time I felt like doing but no extra food or drink (other than plain water) Then there are no decisions to make & I'd know I was doing everything I could (and he would appreciate the situation better).

Jo Brand was on radio today mentioning how she had her first daughter at age 43. You're not in a complete rush, yet. :)

I was 38 when I lost our baby at 19 weeks. Very overweight with knee problems. Fell pregnant about 3 months later and had our beautiful daughter when I was 39. I actually lost weight, about 5kgs, when I was pregnant. My body was screaming at me for healthy food, my cravings were salads and protein.

@LadybirdsAreFab - thank you for your reply (and thanks to everyone else who hs taken the time and trouble to post their thoughts on my situation).

I'm so sorry that you've been through this too. Hard, isn't it? It's great to know you had your beautiful daughter not long after such a tragic loss. Gives me hope...