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Original poster

Aren't folk strange?

33 replies

Borntobeamum · 06/04/2019 16:05

After recently (February) been diagnosed with Colon cancer, I've had surgery (4 weeks Ago) to remove 1/3 of my colon. Despite it beibg major surgery, I feel I'm recovering relatively well and just bumped into some friends in a cafe.
We all sat together.
They had sent me a card and some flowers which I'd previously thanked them for but the conversation went like this -
Me - the flowers you sent were so pretty and lasted ages. Thank you again!
Them - Oh we've had such an awful few months. We had a water leak and the water company are trying to work out how much extra we've been billed. It's been a really bad start to the year.
My DH - Oh dear, not easy for you.
Them - I know! I don't think it could get much worse.

They then proceed to tell us about every little thing that's gone wrong this year, including being overcharged at Aldi for a Yoghurt.

Obviously in the hierarchy of world problems. Colon cancer is very low!

OP posts:
Zucker · 06/04/2019 16:09

I'm so glad I ran into you @Borntobeamum, I stubbed my toe this morning and had to wait 5 minutes in Tesco earlier!

Nowt as strange as folk. I'm glad to hear you're recovering well Thanks

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 06/04/2019 16:12

Oh no! I hope you recover quickly!!
Thanks for the flowers again!! 🤪

OP posts:
Bunnybigears · 06/04/2019 16:12

Some people are good at being sympathetic from a distance but not face to face. Sending flowers and a card was easy. Talking to you about cancer was difficult so they didn't.

Pengrin · 06/04/2019 16:15

Perhaps they’re insulted you didn’t send flowers for the water bill tragedy?

cleanasawhistle · 06/04/2019 16:18

Yes Nowt as strange as folk.I hope you recover well Born

When I was diagnosed with cancer 3 of my neighbours never spoke to me.Not a smile,hello etc,they would turn away as if they hadnt seen me. Went on till I got my hair back to normal.

A friend ditched me half way through my treatment.

gairytoes · 06/04/2019 16:21

I had treatment for a brain tumour, it meant moving back to live with my parents in another city. On my return, I met up with some friends and they NEVER EVEN MENTIONED IT. Despite still being in a wheelchair.

People!

Original poster
Borntobeamum · 06/04/2019 16:54

Sorry to hear these stories - I hope you're all recovering well x x

OP posts:
Absolutepowercorrupts · 06/04/2019 16:56

Flowers for you Born
Some people are frightened of life threatening illness and don't want to mention it, they will drivel on about absolute shit because they're fearful.
The ones I really dislike are those who tilt their head to one side, lower their voice and with a fake concerned expression ask 'and how are you'

Arachnidplant · 06/04/2019 16:58

They sent you a card and flowers, so not completely self-obsessed. I would wonder if they find the topic of your cancer scary to talk about (yeah, I know, you're right, people as a species are not logical) so made sure you couldn't get a word in edgeways.

Flowers glad you've made a good recovery so far and hope it continues.

MIdgebabe · 06/04/2019 17:03

Saying nothing =bad
Asking how are you =bad

? = good

Perhaps they thought you would rather not focus on the cancer? Because that is also bad.

MIdgebabe · 06/04/2019 17:04

SOrry, think I am grumpy today, hope you continue to recover well.

BlueMerchant · 06/04/2019 17:11

I'm waiting for blood test results and for a scan. Yesterday I rang mum as I do every evening and when I told her that I'd been having pains and was worried and waiting for test results that could indicate cancer she told me she was fed up of having things to worry about and she started crying that she always has things on her mind and don't I realise she has a hard stressful life as her garden was a mess and house needed painting. She was annoyed I'd added 'something else' to her list.
She has no empathy for me whatsoever.
I've just rang her as she is looking after my children tomorrow (her choice). She put on a tearful voice because my DD has asked that they do something different this week. Dd has a cold and wants to watch a movie at dm's instead of being trailed around the shops).Dm also never asked how I was feeling.

Crunchymum · 06/04/2019 17:39

I agree with pp who say they are uncomfortable talking about your illness. Cancer in general can be a bit taboo for some people and colon cancer may appear very "private" to them? It is odd (to me but then I'm an open book and can talk about anything!!) but I don't think they meant to be mean.

TheBitchOfTheVicar · 06/04/2019 18:22

There is a difference, surely, between taking someone's mind off it and going on about how hard your comparatively insignificant problems are? Why not just talk about unrelated but good stuff?

formerbabe · 06/04/2019 18:30

I had treatment for a brain tumour, it meant moving back to live with my parents in another city. On my return, I met up with some friends and they NEVER EVEN MENTIONED IT

Shock Bloody hell!

SneakyGremlins · 06/04/2019 19:19

@Borntobeamum OMG hi!!! Glad you're breathing. Anyway, I've just dropped a mint on the floor. I'm heartbroken Sad

On a serious note, Flowers for you - glad you're doing better!

managedmis · 06/04/2019 19:31

Nowt as queer as folk

Burlea · 06/04/2019 19:39

A long time ago now I had a still birth, 2 weeks later DH and I were walking across the common and up ahead we saw some friends, DH shouted wait for us and I'm not joking they went in the bushes and hid. As you say nothing as queer as folk. Take care Op and everyone else xx

Cherrysoup · 06/04/2019 20:04

Honest to god, OP, is the friend my dm? Horse breaks a leg and I get told-at length-that the neighbour pranged their car. Dog gets put down and I’m told dm has sciatica and is watching her favourite TV programme so she can’t come to the (cordless) phone. Totally sympathise with your frustration, OP. She could at least ask a neutral ‘How are you?’

InfiniteCurve · 06/04/2019 20:12

I've had breast cancer - hopefully fine a double mastectomy later,but my sister lives abroad,and when we went to stay with her and her family afterwards she never once asked how I was,how I was coping.
Though in fairness I'd have said "fine,thanks".But it would have been nice to have been asked!
I love my sis,I know she loves me,but still...!
Thanks - it's been good to actually say that "out loud"
Glad you are doing well,OP,best wishes for a continued smooth recovery Smile

reindeermania · 06/04/2019 20:35

I'm queer. As weird as your friends. I'd send flowers and care deeply but if I saw you- I'd talk to you about my life as normal- that would include talking about how I'm too fat/ the weathers terrible/ I planted my peas out in false spring and they died. I've always thought that when you are ill- you don't want to be constantly reminded and for it to be what your friends talk to you about. I thought that being normal and just chatting- not treating people with hushed tones and concerned glances, just chatting the everyday shit we all do- I thought that was the best thing to do.

redeyetonowheregood · 06/04/2019 21:43

A good friend of ours recently went through colon cancer...had a stoma formed, months of chemo. They said that the experience really showed them who their real friends are as some people just vanished off the radar entirely and they are only back on now that he is recovered.

I think it is important as a friend to guage how much people want to talk about it and go with that. When my friend was really ill he wanted us to talk about the crap in our lives as a distraction.

Ninkaninus · 06/04/2019 21:51

Maybe they thought you’d want them to just be normal with you and talk about normal, mundane stuff rather than making it all about the cancer? A lot of people who are or have been ill say that they don’t want to reminded of it or have to talk about it constantly.

Ninkaninus · 06/04/2019 21:52

I’m glad you’re recovering well, btw.

Slowknitter · 06/04/2019 22:00

I thought that being normal and just chatting- not treating people with hushed tones and concerned glances, just chatting the everyday shit we all do- I thought that was the best thing to do

Confused Who on earth would treat people with hushed tones and concerned glances? How about just asking how they are doing, and then responding sympathetically (in a normal voice and manner) when they tell you how they are doing? Surely that's what any sensible person would do?

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