I cannot do this anymore. I've just left the baby.

[imaginate]

Shes one and I've not had a full night's sleep since she was born. I've not had longer than 3 hours uninterrupted sleep and this is rare. She cosleeps. I'm bf and she wakes up a million times in the night looking for me. She doesn't sleep well during the day either and I have to have her in my arms whilst she naps. When she is awake she's too clingy and I don't get anything done. I have other kids and I literally don't know how I've coped for so long. She's getting me so down.

People kept telling me it'll get better at 3m. That came round and still hell. Then they'd say 6m then it was wait till she's crawling, it'll get easier. It hasn't and I can't wait for any other magic age / milestone to come round as she is just a nightmare.

Ive just put her in the cot which she's never used and she's just screaming. It sounds awful but I need my sleep and I don't know what to do. Shall I give up bf? How do I get her to sleep in her cot. She won't even nap in there.

@CherryPavlova It does harm babies. It raises cortisol levels - they are stressed. They learn you won't come if they are distressed and they stop crying. They sleep because of exhaustion, but are still in a stressed state.

It's really hard, I know it's hard, you have needs as a parent but the baby has needs too. I don't have answer

People will hugely disagree but I think if you have got to breaking point then you need to protect your mental health. I would put her in her cot at nighttime, give her something that smells of you and then go bed with ear plugs. It sounds hideously cruel but you seriously need a few hours sleep to make sure you are safe to look after her.

Sorry but she's 1. She doesn't need to be bf all night. That really is a choice you are making, even if you don't feel like you are.

You also don't need to do sleep. Put her in a cot. She is smelling milk all night, so wants to feed.

You need to help yourself.

You need an instant fix
Advice to introduce a bottle or end Co sleeping is good but you need something today .

Is there anyone at all who could take her for a walk ? So you can just lie down or relax?
If not could someone (perhaps an older sibling/cousin sit in a playpen with her and read her some books and play with toys ?
Highchair and CBeebies ?
Anything that gets you some 10 min chunks of time to relax

Also we have found that alpro 1-3 is extremely sweet and breastmilk like and ss will happily drink lots so may be an option if you are desperate to stop bf

Xx

Probably not popular but I’d be jacking in the BF and doing controlled crying in her own cot ASAP.

As pp have said, own cot immediately and controlled crying. No more breastfeeding, cow’s milk is fine. I would give some milk in the night to start with but work towards stopping all night milk. It will restore your sanity and there is no reason you can’t start straight away.

It's not advised to go cold turkey with stopping BFing - that's a quick route to mastitis - so if you do decide to stop OP please do it gradually by dropping one feed at a time. Your body will need to wind down it's milk production after a year!

It's not advised to go cold turkey with stopping BFing - that's a quick route to mastitis

I’d just express less and less until it dried up. I wouldn’t be actually BF the baby as it really sounds like it needs to stop. either pump and bottle feed or pump and dump (my advice anyway).

I did pretty much what Fenella described upthread. It worked. I used a rocking chair, it calmed me down anyway! Bit boring while you’re doing it but the end result is worth it.

OP, you're not alone. I hated do gooders telling me it would magically get better at X age. Each child is different so they know naff all, even though most times they're trying to help it felt like a verbal slap to me with DS.
I was lucky that after having useless, ignorant and unhelpful midwives and then two health visitors who were no help, I got one who was amazing. I burst into angry tears with her, exactly with what you have. He was clingy, whingy, I never got five minutes for a bath or a pee without him losing the bloody plot. I also had DD who was 16 months older and used to scream when he screamed.
I bottle fed too. She made loads of suggestions to try bless her. One was changing his milk, that helped a bit but not with the clingy bit. She told me to take a top of mine that was needing a wash, put it on a bear or just inside the cot, then put him in. He would cry and screech for a while, but the smell of me in the cot started to work. She spent two hours with me once, every time he screeched, and I auto pilot went to go in to him, she would stop me and point out, he's not in harm's way, he's not hungry or wet, he's attention seeking. She also made me lay him in a play pen with appropriate toys and some low music and leave the room to wash up.
It wasn't an overnight thing, but it did slowly start to work. I've never recommended co-sleeping since as she had seen this time and again. They have to be able to get used to self settling. Even in the night when I would feed or change him, I would get him up, feed, change, no baby talk, no TV on and very dim light, up, done, in cot, away.
I really hope you have a friend/partner/family member who can give you a break.

Hey
I can completely sympathise with you.
It's so hard

I am also still waiting for this magical milestone when its all going to get better...does it even exist!?!?

I bottle fed my daughter so i dont think its anything to do with you breastfeeding your daughter.

To get my daughter to fall asleep in her cot I have to sit on the floor next to the cot and stroke her head until she falls asleep then army crawl out of the room..lasts about an hour or 2 before we have to do it all again. She still has never napped in her cot

I really hope you get some answers that help to make this difficult time easier for you xx