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Original poster

What do I do? Ex issues.

32 replies

Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:05

Hi all first time posting.
So I split up with my daughters father 3 years ago, due to him cheating, I moved back with daughter to the uk.
Well I moved on, but am now pregnant with new partner (not planned) he now needs to move due to his job, wants us to go with him, but my ex has a court order in place to prevent my daughter moving out of the uk (although he lives in Australia but is a uk citizen and had PR) now his reasons were valid for not moving which is why the court granted it, I can appeal, but that will take up to a year. Now I need to talk to my current partner about it, I know he will be mad, but I wont just give up my daughter to my ex when I know he is doing this out of spite.
Shall I end my relationship now and focus on co parenting with my current partner or just see how we go. I am so stressed that I'm not even focused on my relationship at the moment as I've been so focused on my court hearings / dealing with my solicitor about other issues with my ex.
I'm just so conflicted, but no matter what my children must come first.

OP posts:
StrongerThanIThought76 · 05/04/2019 19:17

Where is the new move OP? Are there direct flights from Australia? How often does your dd see her dad currently?

It's going to be a lengthy process I think, but if you can demonstrate it will not affect how often they physically see each other and THE MOVE IS IN YOUR DAUGHTERS INTEREST (not just to be with your current dp) you might be able to change the court order.

Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:24

The new move would be to Florida and the ex only sees my daughter 2 x a year. His reasons for requesting my daughter stays here are that we both have family in the town where I live, that my daughter is happy in school, that she had to have therapy to deal with our breakup and is now in a safe place (as in she has expressed her interest to stay here), that she has a medical condition that requires treatment and that we get it on the nhs so we wouldn't have to worry about her medical bills or seeking the treatment needs. And also that when he visits here he has family to stay with so that reduces his costs (court ordered that he visits her here as they wanted stability for her).

OP posts:
Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:27

My ex also expressed that the move would mean neither my partner or I have family or a support network in Florida, that he is worried my daughter would find another upheaval distressing (as the move to Australia and then back to the uk after he and I split had a poor effect on our daughter). And that he would only give his permission if I was to move to Australia with my daughter.

OP posts:

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Relationship problems
slipperywhensparticus · 05/04/2019 19:31

You cant keep dragging your child round the world Confused

Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:34

Haven’t you told your partner that you can’t move?

Nicknacky · 05/04/2019 19:34

I think I agree with your ex. Your daughter has struggled badly and is presumably settled and you want to move her to America?!

Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:38

Exactly, I totally agree. I don't want to drag my daughter around the world. She has lived in the uk most of her life anyway (from birth) and was just away in australia for 1 year. I am more that capable of raising two children alone, I have a great, stable job that pays well. I have the support. But obviously it would mean me splitting up my current partner and our baby.

OP posts:
ShabbyAbby · 05/04/2019 19:40

I think this is a situation in which your new DP needs to put you, your daughter and new baby ahead of his career (or leave).

Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:40

What age is your DD?

Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:42

She is 8 years old.

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:43

How long have you been with this new DP?

Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:45

Just over a year

OP posts:
Bankofenglandfiver · 05/04/2019 19:46

That just has the potential to be a really big mess.

If you go to the states, you won’t be able to work, will you?

Nicknacky · 05/04/2019 19:47

I don’t even see this as much of a dilemma.

Ginger1982 · 05/04/2019 19:51

Your ex is right.

Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:52

I've had a job opportunity come up which I have wanted for the longest time and I guess I'm really figuring out how I tell my current partner, I wont be following him when he moves. I probably sound like a coward and to be honest I think that with things still going on with my ex, that I have made my mind up to stay anyway. (Just and fyi my ex and I were together for 18 years)

OP posts:
Original poster
Messedupmomma · 05/04/2019 19:53

Oh when I say things going on, I mean legally not cheating with ex.

OP posts:
Gruzinkerbell1 · 05/04/2019 19:54

You don’t have ex issues. You have current partner issues.

NewIdeasToday · 05/04/2019 19:57

It’s complicated to move to the USA. Do you even have a chance of getting a visa?

MooseBeTimeForSnow · 05/04/2019 20:00

Not to mention that having a baby in the US would complicate things even further.

nespressowoo · 05/04/2019 20:18

Don't go. You can't uproot your daughter again.

hidinginthenightgarden · 05/04/2019 20:35

Grow a pair OP. Tell him it isn’t in your daughters interest to move away and that you won’t be going near him. How invested are you in the relationship? If you weren’t PG would he even have asked you to go with him?

PicsInRed · 05/04/2019 20:51

Your previous partner was useless and your new partner is useless. For some reason, you chose them both. This needs to be unpicked to stop the cycle. Have you considered the Freedom Programme?

Time to put the 2 children first and ignore the whims of successive men dragging you (and your children) about the world.

Contraceptionismyfriend · 05/04/2019 20:58

You can not do this!!
You're going to move yourself and two children across the world with zero security?!
How will you find yourself if he leaves you?
You can not disrupt your DD like this over such a fickle fantasy!

IndieTara · 05/04/2019 21:31

Stay put OP