Did you choose your dc extracurricular classes or clubs or did they?

[NutMeghan]

How does this sort of thing happen? My eldest is 8 and has no interest in any music or sports. I've asked him if he wants to learn an instrument or play football or another sport and he has always said no so I've left it.
The younger dc are similar now too.

Was I supposed to choose something and make them do it? Just like you make them go to school. Is this how other parents get their dc to do things? Or did you wait until they asked to do something?

When I was young I did the brownies but that is because I really wanted to. But my siblings did nothing. A couple of them have learned the guitar when they were older (self taught). Dh was raised similarly and taught himself guitar as a teen and adult, so I think my dc may choose that when they are older also (although dh seems to think that guitars are not popular to learn anymore).

I wouldn't make them do it, but there are lots of benefits to be had if you can find something they enjoy. Finding out what their friends do is useful, they might be more inclined to give something a go if they already have a friend there.

DS1 never wanted to do any. I would make him try various things so at least he had had a go but he always gave them up sooner rather than later.
DS 2 does everything! He just lives it all and wants to go. He has a club or activity everyday of the week and he is always up for a new one. He is 9.

DS1 does loads of clubs, he’s 7. We started very early as a way to fill the time and it’s just carried on from there. For some we just signed him up (swimming, Sunday sport of rugby or cricket) and the rest I’ve said do you want to do this and he said yes. I check in with him every term if he wants to continue. Some holiday things I just sign him up for, like tennis camp for a week last year in the summer, and tell him he’s doing it.

Can you pick one thing he might enjoy and just sign him up for a term? I think getting them into team sports early can be incredibly beneficial.

My ds 7 chose Beavers and football but I enrolled him in swimming

Like you I just asked if they wanted to go.
Swimming though was a must, mine went from being very tiny so didn’t have a choice.
Luckily they love it.
Older one stopped when he said he wanted to but by then was a confident and proficient swimmer.

The only one I "made" her do was swimming (until she was a proficient swimmer) so that holidays were more fun and she had a life skill.

Find out if their friends do clubs, they will be much more inclined that way!!

Always let them choose, I do suggest things that I think they might like, but ultimately they decide (after all they are the one who has to take the class).

DS did gymnastics until about 8, when they switched class times around and it was no longer convenient for us. I suggested several things to him, but no interest.

He's now 12 and y8 and asked for swimming lessons (he could swim but wanted to improve) and recently he's started using the gym after school two days a week, plus he goes to a science club after school on another day. All his decision and i don't have to encourage him to go.

Dd1 always was a joiner, dd2 would try things we suggested and keep going. These things make school and life more fun/bearable imho.

Ds loved singing and sang all the time so we took him to a dance/drama/singing group and he has gone ever since and loves it. Dd wanted to learn cartwheels so we tried her at gymnastics and she still goes to that so we kind of just took them to try things that they were interested in anyway. Made them go swimming though and still do as they haven’t quite ‘got it’ well enough yet

I suggest things but I’ve never insisted. Both of mine always liked doing clubs - da is 12 now and only does football but it’s 5 days a week so pretty all encompassing anyways.

Dd is 8 and does brownies, fencing, Pilates, drama and hip hop dancing. Loves them all.

I will say that ds did beavers - cubs - scouts and dd has done rainbows - brownies so far and I really think they’ve benefitted a lot from that.

My ds likes being active so said yes to joining any sporty clubs. He is 10 now and has left them all and changed his hobbies to drama and art. He attends a drama club and we go swimming together once a week.

I think the sports clubs became too competitive as he got older so he didn't enjoy them as much

Oh yes swimming lessons they have done sporadically over the years. We do swim a lot as a family so they practise with us a lot and they are fairly good but I will be booking them in for another few sessions at some stage.

Maybe I will try asking them to ask their friends what they do.

My DD begged me to learn to dance at 2yo. I don't know where she got the idea from, but she kept on and so I started lessons for her. 13 years on she still has 3 classes a week.
DS asked for piano lessons, and DD followed with those.
I started DS at Beavers when he wasn't keen, but he went right through to Explorer Scouts, so that worked. DD always wanted to start Rainbows, and again is now a Ranger/Young Leader.
I think if there is something that you think your DS might enjoy, it's worth trying to get him to give it a go. Most things will let you have a couple of trial sessions before committing.

As long as they are introduced to lots of different ideas, they can choose. But what 8 year old would know about fencing (for example) if they weren't shown it? And they wouldn't know to try ice skating unless they'd been on a school trip like Torville did... And no kid magically knows they like chess until someone has played it with them.

So I think it has to be the parent/school that introduces new ideas and presents opportunities.

A bit of both, I insisted on swimming & DS has always loved sports so keen to go to any sports clubs. As an only child I did encourage him to do lots of activities but he always seemed to enjoy them and never indicated that he didn’t want to go, even conversational French at 3 ( that was a bit bonkers looking back ).

DS has done athletics classes since age 4 (is now 8). He's tried a couple of other things such as judo and beavers but realised quickly he didn't like them much. I would never push him to keep doing things he wasn't very keen on as he has a tendency to 'act out' if made to do something he really disliked.

DD is 4 and does a gym class but is expressing an interest in dancing do will probably look for a dance class soon.

That is what I'm wondering about Greybasket.

I avoided sport as much as I could at school. Haven't played any team sport since school. Never done any water sports like canoeing or sailing or snorkelling/scuba diving. Never played golf. Never done yoga or anything like that.

I have 'played' some tennis on holiday. And I swim. And have been bowling a few times.

I know nothing about music and can't sing. Never did any art apart from basics at school. No dance lessons. Never sewed or done any handicraft activities.

And I don't really mind but as I grow older I wonder what I missed and if I should push my own dc more.

Some of my siblings were more adventurous and have done quite a few of the above as adults and my dh played football as a teen and adult. He was always good at sports but never encouraged by his parents so didn't get involved until he was old enough to organise himself to go. My dc are also quite naturally talented at sport and this also makes me wonder if I should be more proactive about it.

Apart from swimming I'd never make mine do anything but I would certainly make them try activities if they hadn't asked to do or try anything themselves. I think at that age sometimes kids have problems imagining what things will be like and it's a parents responsibility to help with that.

Swimming lessons are non negotiable so all 3 dc have them.

Dd10 does ballet, acro & piano. She was struggling with friendship groups at school so I had a look around & found a lovely ballet class. She was really keen & a year on she's thriving! She's more confident & has a couple of new friends who are also going to the same secondary school which is a huge bonus! Acro started a bit later & helped cement the friendships.

When she started yr3 at school some leaflets went out about music lessons & she wanted to try piano. She's still learning now & really enjoys it.

When ds started yr3 he started guitar lessons by choice, did them for a year & wanted to stop, he wants to try the drums now so next term he that's what he'll do. He takes part in after school clubs like football, cricket etc depending on the time of year & what's available but doesn't want to actually join an actual club.

Ds6 just swims at the moment, he's thinking about a musical instrument but not sure what yet. I'll encourage him to choose something & may guide him towards guitar, piano, drums, trumpet etc but if he chooses something else then great!

I think kids need the opportunity to try different activities if the want to & maybe a bit of a push sometimes to see if they enjoy it but if not then leave it.

Mine do loads of extra curricular activities. I suppose I did start it off, because I started taking them to things when they were little so they wouldn't have been likely to request it for themselves, but now they enjoy them and would be disappointed to stop.

Does their school offer any after-school clubs? It's often a social thing with children of this age (i.e. their friends are going). School clubs are often free which is a bonus! (Unless they are run by an external company.)

We've always asked our boys which clubs they want to do. They have tried a variety of things from football and running to iPad and cooking after school clubs, some they liked and wanted to carry on with, some they didn't and gave up at the end of term.

Ds3 had a chance to try archery after school club last year (year 6) as the school introduced that. He was desperate to try it but it had limited spaces available and was very popular. He eventually got in for the second term and absolutely loved it, but hasn't liked many other sporty clubs. Ds4 also wanted to try it but it wasn't offered to the younger children then. He always seems to want to do the clubs for the older children and isn't interested in the ones for his age so we don't force him, just wait to see if the ones he is interested in are still offered when he is older. Archery has been expanded to some of the other classes and he has signed up for it for next term so he is hoping to get a place starting after the Easter holidays.

I don't want to force them to do activities they don't want to try now as they might hate them/find them boring. I find it better to wait and let them try things as they find an interest in them. If I forced the boys to do clubs they found boring all the time as children they will probably end up hating them, if they don't feel forced into it when younger they might get a desire to try it when older and stick to it for longer as it is something they want to do. Also, i don't want to lengthen what is sometimes a long, boring day for them (depending on what lessons they do) with a club they find boring.

On the other hand, some friends with children in ds4s (8) class (year 3) have signed their children up to every club they can without always checking if the child wants to do them. They have put them in running/music/singing clubs etc they know their children will enjoy, but on other days signed them up for clubs just for the sake of it. One has a 60/40 split custody with the dd's dad and doesn't take that into consideration either, just signs child up on his access days. So sometimes the dad loses out seeing his dd for an hour out of his four hours access, so a quarter, for his dd to go to a club she has no interest in - school finishes at 3, club finishes at 4, dd needs to be home for 7 to get to bed by 8. Even when she stays overnight at dad's he still sometimes loses out to a club she doesn't want to do as she still needs to go to bed for school the next day.

One mum has told me she signs her child up for some clubs so the relatives who do (unpaid) childcare have them for less time when she is working, unfair on the child if they don't like the clubs though.

I enrolled DD in her first dance class when she was 5. She wanted to go when I told her but was nervous. It was my idea and effectively I never gave her the choice.

However after trying it a couple of weeks it was up to her if she stayed on.

7 years later she now spends around 14 hours per week at dancing. All of this is from her requests to add on this class or that class. She’d do more if I could afford it.

That’s how it started with us - me making the decision - and then she just ran with it.

Would they go to days in the school holidays? My daughter isn't in to team sports. Her shyness means she feels she anxious. We tried a few things but to be honest this gets expensive if you can't borrow the kit. Our leisure centre has holiday clubs which effectively means you get tasters. They were a-bit different too - trampoling etc. They may just not have found their thing.

I didn't take them to anything when I was on maternity leave/sahm as we had no spare money.

And then time was short when I went back to work. So we never started then either.

But I do finish work early enough for them to do things during the week and the weekends are also fairly free.

I think I will tell them they have to choose one activity to do next term and go from there.