Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Chat

Join the discussion and chat with other Mumsnetters about everyday life, relationships and parenting.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

SAHMs - what do you do if you’re ill?

29 replies

BlossomLeaf · 03/04/2019 18:07

First time I’ve been really ill since becoming a mum. Some sort of flu - delirious and burning hot for a couple of days, vomiting and diarrhoea, coughing and difficulty breathing. Still looking after a toddler all day and handling all night wakings. It’s been hell on earth. What do you do if you’re too ill to cope with DC?

OP posts:

DarkestBeforeDawn · 03/04/2019 18:08

Sorry to hear you're ill. If my DP can, he will take time off work for me or I call upon my parents to help. Otherwise I have to just get on with it.

sar302 · 03/04/2019 18:11

If I'm that unwell, DH would take a day off work, or at least work from home. He'd also be sharing the night feeds (potentially not possible if you're EBF though.) We did have a "chat" a few months ago though, when he took a day off work to baby a cold, that I'd already had and struggled through with, whilst entertaining a toddler 🤨

Feel better soon!

roundligament · 03/04/2019 18:11

My son goes to nursery and I ask them to take him for a full day or I ask my MIL because my parents don't live here
I am self employed and so is my husband so when we don't work we don't earn money it's very hard I know :(

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

Families General health

Buffymum · 03/04/2019 18:13

Lots of films for toddler , ( if you have one who will watch them ) cushions on floor to doze on , stock room up with nappies / wipes toys food drink so you can stay put . Close curtains
Day nurse .
Hope you feel better soon .

FATEdestiny · 03/04/2019 18:14

Significantly lower your standards; do only what is absolutely necessary - for example proving food and clean clothes for your child. Don't bother with anything else and spend your day snuggling on the sofa with films and toddler.

If you have non-working family l9cally (parents, in-laws for example) ask for a few hours break.

The only time my DH has had time off work when I've been ill has been if I am in hospital, or the few days after being discharged from hospital. For normal illness, I just manage.

Cupidity · 03/04/2019 18:16

Initially I tried to battle through and just let the dc watch cbeebies... I now have some fab mum friends who are happy to watch my dc after school if needed (equally I always offer to have their dc if they are ill).

If I'm really too ill then dh will take the day off work or wfh

Original poster

BlossomLeaf · 03/04/2019 18:17

Would you expect DH to cancel any pre-arranged events at evenings and weekends so he could come home and give you a break? Even if they’re already paid for or he risks being chucked off the team if he misses them?

OP posts:

Spudlet · 03/04/2019 18:18

If DH can take time off, he does but he can't always. So I set up camp on the sofa with a blanket and lots of films and whatever sick bowls and tissues I need, and do my best to muddle through. It's bloody hard and you have my sympathy and best wishes to feel better soon.

AnotherEmma · 03/04/2019 18:19

I was going to ask if you're a single parent and then saw your second post mentioning a "DH". But you might as well be a single parent, by the sounds of it!

Spudlet · 03/04/2019 18:20

Just seen your update - yes I ducking well would, and you can read that in an outraged tone! Work is one thing, but socialising is set aside in this case, and I'd absolutely expect DH to be handling the night shift as well, bf notwithstanding (and he would without needing to be asked). It's all hands to the pump in this scenario.

Gintonic · 03/04/2019 18:23

I wouldn't expect my DH to take time off unless it was something exceptional. But I absolutely would expect him to cancel hobbies and social meet ups regardless of whether they are paid for, he is taking the possibility there.

Gintonic · 03/04/2019 18:23

*taking the possibility!

Gintonic · 03/04/2019 18:23

*taking the piss

stayathomer · 03/04/2019 18:25

If you're that sick then yes!! Nothing is more important than a person's health and it's not like you're going to be that way for weeks. Feel better soon OP. ( ps once had to drive ds to get nappies. Was nearly falling over with a fever at the time. Dh was abroad with in laws. I got home and had to t r y to keep myself awake. Put ds in cot with nursery rhymes on the CD player. Was just thinking afterwards how I should have asked for help, was so dangerous, I'm sure the shop would have delivered and a neighbour would have helped)

FATEdestiny · 03/04/2019 18:27

...Even if they’re already paid for...

We are a (very) low income family. So money wasted / lost would be a significant factor for us.

DH would certainly cancel general social/hobby events if needed. But if we had paid for him to go somewhere special, then we've given careful consideration to pay for that and it would need to be a big deal to waste money that could have been spent elsewhere.

I accept that to families who are under less financial pressure than us will think differently. If it's a cost that you don't mind losing, then it's a different matter.

But realistically it would need to be physically impossible for me to be responsible for the children to warrant cancelling a paid-for event.

Amongstthetallgrass · 03/04/2019 18:29

My Dh was an absolute nobber when it came to cancelling his weekly sports team event. I always felt guilty asking him to cancel so I always pushed on even though he knew I was unwell.

One day I had severe stomach ache. Thought it was my period as I have issues with endometriosis. I wanted to go to the walk in clinic at the hospital to get some strong pain killers as I was in a bad way. He wanted to take me after he got back

On this occasion I insisted. First time ever and he begrudgingly took me. It turns out I was having a ruptured eptopic pregnancy was admitted immediately. With in half an hour I was in the worst pain in my life and passed out. The rushed me through to theatre. If I’d have let him go to football I’d have been dead with a toddler in the house.

Now if I’m ill I say if I don’t want him to go and he stays.

Speak up if you need him to help you. No way will I marytr on again

IWantMyHatBack · 03/04/2019 18:29

I'd get my DH to pull their weight! Why are you doing all the night wakings if you're so ill? He should be doing his share.

I'm a single parent, so I don't have a choice in the matter, but even my shit of an ex got up in the night to look after the toddler when I had flu. He couldn't take time off work, but he did everything once he was home.

Original poster

BlossomLeaf · 03/04/2019 18:30

Apparently I’m making up my illness so he can’t play with his football team tonight. He still hasn’t explained how I’m supposedly forcing myself to vomit.

OP posts:

IWantMyHatBack · 03/04/2019 18:31

Just saw your update about the weekend. He should be doing as much now, including all the night wakings so that you have a chance to rest and get better. Hopefully that way you'll be feeling a bit better by the weekend

Spudlet · 03/04/2019 18:31

Puke in his boots. Bastard.

Amongstthetallgrass · 03/04/2019 18:31

blossom stand your ground.

roundligament · 03/04/2019 18:32

Oh that's not fair at all
H should be at home

pansydansy · 03/04/2019 18:34

Dh would take the day off or mil what come to my rescue. She's a diamond.

DIZZYTIGGER87 · 03/04/2019 18:42

The first time I was really sick with DS, DH was an idiot and thought he could still do all his hobbies etc. In fact he did go fishing and forgot to check his phone.
By the time he got home there was an ambulance outside because I'd called 111 and due to BF/ D&V/unable to keep liquid down I was very dehydrated.

Unless seriously ill, I would never expect him to take time off work as we can't really afford it, but extra curricular activities are not the same thing.

Since that last time he is much more aware...I'm not sure if it was the shock of the ambulance, or theroasting he got from DM/DMIL the next day.

AnotherEmma · 03/04/2019 18:51

I'm going to quote a Mumsnet classic. You have a DH problem (not a SAHM problem).

Flip

1 2

Swipe left for the next trending thread