I NEED to go to the dentist - but I'm too frightend - please help me... I'm desperate

[cottonwoolbrain]

I've been avoiding the dentist for years. I actually chose months of toothache before a back tooth finally rotted out over going. this is not a mild phobia

I keep trying to go. Honestly I do. I can't even phone without my heart rate going up. I got some diazipam from the GP took it and managed to get as far as the front door of the surgery this morning - I couldn't go in. I burst into tears in the middle of the pavement and threw up.

This dentist says they take nervous patients and offer sedation - but I have to get through the door.... I have to actually open my mouth and talk to make an appointment, I have to go back for it, wait in the waiting room and actually open my mouth for them... then its going to hurt...and they'll be angry with the mess in my mouth.. and I won't have any control over what they're doing... I cant do it... I'd rather have smear tests twice a day every day for a year

My teeth are a mess. DP has to take the DCs to the dentist.

I'm sitting here shaking and crying just writing this post. I can feel my pulse racing.

No dentist is going to take me. Even a few years ago when I did finally make it in it was like I was in a trance, I cried all the way through and all they did was look in my mouth :(

probably the wrong place... so embarrassed

Perhaps you can find a dentist that specializes in nervous patients and email them explaining how you feel- there is one to me locally.

I would email and ask them for an appointment and explain how bad you feel.

I would see if your husband can come with you to get you through the door.

This is such a difficult one, I also hate dentists and didn't go for over 20 years for this reason, but I have started again recently and although I shake/flinch and generally can't relax, I can sit there just about.

Sorry- I see they say they take nervous patients- so email or call them on the phone to start with and see what they say.

My dd is like you. I've finally got her to the dentist and having sedation.
I won't say she likes sedation, however having had it (and found it works) she's much calmer about the dentist all round.
However having left it so long while her teeth were bad she's looking now a major work, whereas if she'd calmed down enough 2 or 3 years ago it would have been minor.

Hmmm that does sound extreme. Poor you. DH has an issue with dentists and gp gives him diazepam. 2 or 4 tablets. Idea is to take day before and on the day about an hour before the appointment. Works for him. Can your DH make the appointment and friend accompany you on the day? Well worth doing. Good luck.

You need a no-nonsense friend to go with you. Can someone ring them and explain you just want to come in and meet the dentist first. Maybe just walk up to the desk?

If that doesn't work, then I'd seek some therapy to try to allow you to get that far.

And I expect all dentists have seen their fair share of awful teeth. It won't just be nervous patients, but also people who can't afford the consultation. I doubt you have the worst teeth ever seen and to be honest, if I was a dentist, that's my job and I'd want to help.

Call the surgery and tell them the problem xx or if you're not comfortable with that, send them an email or Facebook message xx
I am sure they will be happy for someone to accompany you...get you through the door and sit with you xx
Dentists and assistants are given training on nervous patients and.........please believe me........your teeth will not be anywhere near as bad as some they see xx they will not judge....they're all about solutions.

Is there anything in particular that scares you? What do you think may happen if you go to the dentist? What's your biggest fear?.

In the meantime...let your GP know....they'll be able to refer you to someone who can get you over this phobia (most phobias are highly treatable in a matter of weeks.....I know this because I've been through the treatment myself (balloons) xx

They are absolutely not going to be angry with you. If it was childhood trauma at the dentist that gave you this phobia then please believe me, you are now in full control, you are an adult and they are there to help you.
Do you have an understanding dentist? Lots will work with you, to let you just go in, sit in the waiting room, build up small visits, talk first without even examining your teeth, listen to what you are scared of etc.
You will have total control with a good dentist. They will stop immediately when you ask them to and stop themselves for feedback from you at regular intervals.

I was very like you until a couple of years ago and my teeth were nowhere near as bad as I had built them up to be in my mind over the years. I’m even signed up for some orthodontic work. Believe me, I could not have seen myself doing that before. Not in a million years.

So do go back. I started off saying “I’ll cry, just ignore me please” and they did. Prearranged signal if it was too much or actually hurting. Lots of just sitting there and talking. My dentist is private, specialises in nervous patients. NHS dentists might be constrained by time for mini appointments where they don’t actually get anywhere near your teeth, I don’t know, but there will be a Practice Plan you can sign up for and the cost of treatments are usually discounted. Examinations included in the monthly fee.

If your dentist won’t let you take it at your pace then find another one. That puts you firmly in control.

Watching with interest because I am you OP. In fact this thread is making me cry. Christ - pathetic or what? (Me, not you!)

No one is pathetic....a phobia is horrific....the fear is very real (even though not a rational one!)
I have run into traffic and have run a red light to avoid balloons xx I called the police crying about the red light incident and confessed 😂 did the NHS phobia treatment and it was cured within weeks.....GP referred me.....waiting lists can be long and if that's the case....private treatment can also be reasonable but......watch out for being tricked into hypnotherapy or NLP with a private practitioner......go with the recommended CBT xx

I don't know if it's been mentioned but can you start with your GP to get some diazepam as a starting point? Sounds like you need something to take the edge off the fear and panic before you even get through the door.

Get someone else to make the appointment - find a dentist that specializes in phobic patients - and make sure you have someone supportive (but firm) come with you.

As for the state of your teeth - dentists will have seen it all! No-one will tell you off - a phobia is very real and a dentist specialising in this area will understand.

@cottonwoolbrain I have gone private to a dentist near me that specialises in nervous patients, I have needed some major work done having not been for more than 10 years! However I am like a different person now, that first time was horrendous!

They won't do any treatment or anything when you have your first appointment, they'll just have a look at your teeth.

Dentistry really isn't how it used to be. It's pretty much pain free.

I did this a few years ago. I ended up crying all the way through the appointment while my 16 year old DD held my hand. I have never been so embarrassed in my life! I do go regularly now, but had a hideous time with a previous dentist, who didn't treat an abscess and I had 2 visits to emergency dentists, multiple lots of antibiotics and 4 re-occurrences of the abscess. I do book my appointments on my days off, because I am always left pale and shaky after even just a check up.

Ask someone to go with you. I would go with you if you lived close by. I am near Edinburgh.

Dentist here. Please try and come, make sure you book with someone kind- ask reception. They know who is best (this is why I end up with the nervous people!). Pre warn them you’re really nervous so they can book extra time. Having an exam won’t hurt, all we do is look. You’ll need some x-rays. Again shouldn’t hurt. The rest can be done under IV sedation which is lovely. You won’t feel anything, you’ll be very relaxed and dozy and remember nothing afterwards. You’ll need someone to drive you home and look after you for 24 hours. If you need a lot of work it’ll take a few visits. Better to pay privately- it’s really difficult to get this type of work under the NHS and they will be able to take their time which you need.

Make sure you take someone who is 'assertive' with you. Park outside, send them in to tell the reception you are waiting in your car. Ask them to phone you as soon as the dentist is ready for you then let your friend take you straight into the surgery.
The dentist will not do anything initially. They will just look. They will talk to you, and begin to reassure you. I did have a massive phobia because of some early bad experiences. Basically, I didn't want my children to not go to a dentist just because I was so afraid, so I got a friend to do exactly this with me.
Your dentist will not be angry with you, judge you, embarrass you. But please don't give up!

OP I used to be exactly like you - had the diazepam and still ran down the street - and that was after hypnotherapy to get me through the door in the first place.

What finally fixed me was finding a dentist who specialised in phobia rather than just 'nervous patients' and understood that it's a totally different thing. (I would recommend mine but she's retired!) - I think there is a dental phobia forum online somewhere that people make recommendations on.

Definitely book an appointment just to talk first off - I had this, then the rest in steps - an appointment with a check up, one with a polish, one with a drill bit with no drill in. And she talked through everything to help me understand where my phobia came from and put in steps to deal with that which was what enabled me to have treatment in the end - I've now had 3 root canals all fine!

Another option is to see if you can be referred to a specialist treatment centre for treatment under anaesthetic if you think you'll be OK with that - I wasn't and ran away from that one twice when the anaesthetist didn't quite get it when I told her she couldn't tell me anything about what was going to happen! But hopefully you may be better than me!

I totally get it, it's really embarrassing and no-one without a phobia really gets it - I used to cry if people started to talk about going to the dentist, it was horrible.

I was the same.

I was told about a fantastic dentist by someone I know and honestly, she is wonderful. Private practice but worth every penny. If anyone is in the Manchester area and wants to know who it is, DM me.

I plucked up the courage to go just before Christmas and it was nowhere near as bad as I thought it would be. I hadn't been for 10 years before that. My teeth now, although not perfect, are so much better than they were in December and although I will never look forward to going to the dentist, I don't feel the same panic anymore.

I used to feel like you do, it is possible to get past it.
Find a dentist you feel safe with, take all the drugs offered and remember that each time you go you will feel slightly less terrified.

Treatment really is pain-free now. It's a revelation after all the fear.

Also, I forgot this bit - at one point my GP referred me for CBT which did help until the dentist I was making progress with moved - but I think it would have worked if I'd carried on.

My dh goes to a sedation clinic. He’s a 6ft rugby player, and he’s terrified of the dentist.

I have a dentist phobia and my GP prescribes me a small dose of valium to take one hour before the appointment. It helps a lot.

I used to be the same but found a truly brilliant dentist who completely sorted me out and I am now cured (of both toothache and the phobia) - and my dental hygiene is so good that I only need to go for annual check ups. Please don't be ashamed, you can see for yourself how common this is.

Perhaps if you can say where in the country you are one of us could recommend a dentist?

Hello OP. I am you, I’ve been there, survived and it’s going to be ok. PM me if you want me to metaphorically hold your hand. I once got myself to an appointment by texting my best friend as I walked there.

First up: you have a full on phobia and you’re going to need help to deal with it. When I was as bad as you are now I couldn’t drive or walk past my dentist. I couldn’t say or read any words relating to anything to do with teeth or dentists and even a commercial for toothpaste or mouthwash would paralyse me into a panic attack. I actually stopped eating because I reasoned if I didn’t use them my teeth would last longer 🤷🏼‍♀️ Obviously I was very ill.

How I dealt with it: GP then CBT therapy, Citalopram, which I still take to this day and in the early days taking a trusted friend with me when I HAD to go. I would cry through whole appointments. I got through a few checkups then let it slide and got bad again. I had to conquer it because I had to sign DS up to a new dentist (I don’t take him, stilll won’t!) Now I am so much better my (new) dentist who is lovely says I can almost not be considered phobic - I had a filling the other week, on my own! And I didn’t cry!

How did I get here? Well like you I couldn’t get through the door so I sent DH to set the scene and find the best dentist at the practice for me. Then one day I was walking round and thought duck it! And went through the door and somehow got the words out to make the appointment. I wrote a letter to give to the dentist as I knew I wouldn’t be able to talk when I got there. She took it slow and got me through it but fuck it was hard.

My tips:

• go to GP, get help dealing with underlying phobia
• get DH to find sympathetic dentist and make appointment
• write down why you feel like this and what the problem with your teeth is, give this to dentist when you get there
• take a trusted friend with you
• consider drugs eg beta blockers
• it’s ok to cry; take deep breaths, listen to music on iPod or whatever helps you feel calm
• I ask mine not to tell me what she’s doing just do whatever because this is best for me
• dentists have seen it all she genuinely won’t judge you, I promise
• when you break the barrier of the first appointment you have got to go regularly to de-mystify the whole thing - it’s like aversion therapy, the more you confront something the less power it has over you.

I really feel for you and I’m so sorry you’re going through this. Best of luck and honestly please PM me if you want to talk.

I'm a dentist and I promise you that no dentist is going to be angry with you for your teeth. I see people daily with lots of work needing doing, and I am never angry or judgmental. Honestly I reckon I've had 5 people come in just today who haven't been to the dentist in years because of fear, we are used to teeth and mouths and absolutely won't be angry, we understand dental phobia. It's very common and I don't think you could be a dentist and not understsnd.

Especially if the Dentist specialises in nervous patients don't worry if you cry, lots of people cry at the Dentist, its fine. Try to book an appointemnt first thing so you are not sat in the waiting room.

And as a PP said, we try to cause as little pain as possible. Treatment shouldn't hurt, if it does you just have to let the dentist know. No dentist can make you have treatment you don't want, they can't carry on if you want them to stop. You have complete control.

If I were you i would try to visit the practice first, make your appointment in person. that way you can see the waiting room, meet the reception staff and get a feel for the practice before you have to be seen. You could bring a letter with you for the dentist explaining your phobia and anything you feel may help if you like. That way if you are feeling panicked at the time its all written down and you dont have to remember what to say. Then you can always book for a chat and a meet the team appointment before they look in your mouth.

Is there someone a friend could recommend? Often if someone else has trust in a dentist there is already a bit more trust in them from you. You could get the friend to come with you then and it takes some of the pressure of you.

Take it a step at a time. You can stop at any time so try to get into the practice, then meet the Dentist etc and don't think too far ahead. The first step is meeting them so just think of that.

By sat in the waiting room I just mean to minimise the time you are waiting as the longer you are waiting the more anxious you can get! I just read that back and realise it sounds like I meant so you aren't crying in the waiting room!