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Original poster

How do I handle this situation re dd and some daffodils?

50 replies

Stompythedinosaur · 02/04/2019 13:44

Any advice welcome!

We live in a small and rural village. The village is arranged with houses on either side of a rough green, where many of the dc, including my two, play.

I was approached by a neighbour this morning to say a group of kids including my dd1 had stomped through a patch of daffodils on the green yesterday while playing. Another neighbour, who can see this patch from her window, is very upset about it.

I saw the patch this morning, and I can see why she is upset and they are definitely quite flattened, but have not been pulled up or anything (the flowers had already died before the stomping took place).

Normally I'd be taking dd1 round to apologise, but the upset neighbour has been awful to is a couple of times - on one occasions several years ago she threatened to get us and the dc beaten up by her sons, another time her dog got out and bit dd1 quite badly (needed stitches) and she refused to apologise when I approached her about this.

But, on the other hand, there she is an older lady and her husband died a few years ago, so I do think she is vulnerable. And I do expect dd1 to be careful about stamping on flowers.

So do I take dd1 to apologise, just talk to her about it, or something else?

OP posts:
Original poster
Stompythedinosaur · 02/04/2019 13:45

Dd1 is 7 btw.

OP posts:
MrsPerfect12 · 02/04/2019 13:46

They were already dead!! I would just tell DD off and leave it at that.

Romax · 02/04/2019 13:46

She threatened to have your dc beaten up?

Can’t get my head around you even asking

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Patchworksack · 02/04/2019 13:47

I think it depends on the context of the stomping - accidentally standing on them whilst playing and not paying attention is different to deliberately destroying the flower patch. If you feel an apology is necessary then do it at one remove - put a card through the door to avoid a confrontation.

Canshopwillshop · 02/04/2019 13:47

I wouldn’t make your DD apologise to the neighbour in this situation. However I would definitely talk to her about the incident.

CallMeCarolDanvers · 02/04/2019 13:47

She sounds about as vulnerable as a fucking JCB. No way in hell would i offer my 7 year old up on a plate to her.

PeachNut · 02/04/2019 13:48

You don’t need to take your daughter to the neighbor at all. She didn’t destroy anything belonging to her.
The neighbor reported to you that she saw your DD engaging in antisocial behaviour; you just need to thank her for letting you know, and then parent your DD as you think fit.

MysweetAudrina · 02/04/2019 13:50

Send her this nice poem!!!

I wandered lonely as a cloud
That floats on high o'er vales and hills,
When all at once I heard a shout,
Oi! You! Get off my fucking daffodils!

Teddybear45 · 02/04/2019 13:50

I would ignore it. Village greens are meant to be played on; that means some flowers will get crushed sometimes. Also, do these neighbours also point shit like this out to the mothers of boys who play on the green? I bet they don’t.

DeepDarkWoods · 02/04/2019 13:51

I think I would just have a chat with daughter, but no long term damage to the daffs. Ignore neighbour.

Original poster
Stompythedinosaur · 02/04/2019 13:53

Ok, thanks. I think I am torn because if it was a nice neighbour who was upset by dd1's behaviour I would definitely get her to apologise.

The threats to beat us and the kids up were when the dc were tiny (as in a baby and 1 year old) so although they were present they were too young to understand. It was around us reporting her husband for misusing money from the parish council given to the village for upkeep.

OP posts:
Kaddm · 02/04/2019 13:55

I’d perhaps supervise if she’s tramping flowers otherwise how do kids learn not to do that - it’s taken the intervention of a neighbour for you to find out.

I’d not take the 7yo anywhere near the neighbour.

I’d apologise to neighbour myself and leave it.

Twisique · 02/04/2019 13:55

Did you report the dog to the police?

I would just tell the neighbour your dd will be more careful next year.

Floralnomad · 02/04/2019 14:00

I’d just have a word with your dc about being careful near flowers and leave it at that , although with cranks for neighbours I think I’d be supervising the children when they are out until they are a bit older .

ErrolTheDragon · 02/04/2019 14:01

Just tell her to be more careful. Make sure she knows that daffs and other bulbs such as bluebells still need their leaves after the flowers have died so that they can make food for the next year.
Trampling the leaves does harm them, but she presumably didn't realise that.

Chocolateisfab · 02/04/2019 14:04

Just tell her you would ask dd apologise but that she just hasn't been herself since she was bitten by her dog...

caughtinanet · 02/04/2019 14:08

The flowers don't belong to the neighbour, you don't need to apologise to her but as others have said your DD does need to know you don't stand on plants. It's not clear if the stomping was accidental or deliberate, that would affect what I'd say to my child.

bingoitsadingo · 02/04/2019 14:09

I'd tell your daughter to be more careful about trampling on flowerbeds, but ignore the neighbour.

Whereareyouspot · 02/04/2019 14:11

I hope you reported the dog?

No don’t take your DD
Ask her to be careful about shared flowers and leave it at that

And if neighbournor other busybody ask what you did or why dd hasn’t been an apologised I would point out the previous history and say you preferred to stay away

pusspuss9 · 02/04/2019 14:12

Personally I would get her to apologise . Not because she has necessarily done anything wrong, (that is subjective in this case) but because it is a lesson in character building.

Original poster
Stompythedinosaur · 02/04/2019 14:13

Yes, I will definitely speak to her about the flowers. I don't like the idea of her damaging them. They were playing football yesterday so I suspect it was more a case of carelessness than intending to damage them.

Yes, I reported the dog bite but she denied her dog had been out and it ended up being my word against hers. It is only a tiny dog but obviously has sharp teeth!

Thank you for the opinions!

OP posts:
DianaPrincessOfThemyscira · 02/04/2019 14:26

I’d have words with DD but not do anything further. If batshit neighbour approaches you again I’d just tell her it’s been dealt with.

Springwalk · 02/04/2019 14:26

I would ask dd to write a small card with an apology and buy her some daffodils (they are literally a pound) Whatever the neighbour did in the past does not really relate to this matter, and its important to try and stay on the best of terms.
In addition modelling a good example to your dd of what to do when we make mistakes is a good life skill for her.

Springwalk · 02/04/2019 14:27

Don't ask your dd to deliver them, just leave them by her door.

Singlenotsingle · 02/04/2019 14:27

I can't see that an apology is justified. The flowers had died, your dd didn't do it on purpose, and the flowers on the green don't belong to the woman anyway! If it had been in her garden, it might have been different!

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